Any of you mothers ever worry about your kids? Surely I'm not alone!
I'm not a worrier...worrying is the opposite of trust... but when it comes to my kids...all bets are off.
The homily last Sunday explained that the wise virgins didn't share their oil with the foolish virgins because some things just can't be borrowed or shared or bought or stolen. Our relationship with Jesus is one of those things. When we stand before Jesus, we want Him to know us. "I do not know you" is Bible language for "I don't have a relationship with you." A relationship entails more than going through the motions for an hour on Sunday morning (or evening.)
Of all the things that I would want to give to my children, this would be at the top of the list....a relationship with the Lord Jesus. And yet, I can't give it. I can't teach it. I can't demand it or insist upon it. They have to want it, to pursue it, and develop it in their own way.
I see the other influences in their lives - the music, friends, television, movies - and I wonder, I worry.
I have tried to do everything right. Catholic School, CCD, Mass attendance on Sundays, an Advent Wreath during Advent, Stations of the Cross during Lent, confession more than once or twice a year. They went to a Catholic mission-type camp last summer. But all those things and more don't equal a relationship. Because a relationship comes from within, comes from shared experiences and conversations. Prayer.
No answers here tonight. Just thinking out loud. Wondering how to make Jesus real. Wondering how to encourage a relationship. There is nothing worse than watching your child struggle and try to find their own way. The outcome maybe worth it, but the work in progress...arghhh. I so miss the days when everything could be fixed by a kiss or a band-aid.
Last night we prayed the Seven Sorrows Rosary...my sister-in-law, mother-in-law and a couple of friends. What strikes me every time we pray it, is how Mary's life was far from perfect - even though she was without sin and had a child without sin. How often she must have wondered if God knew what He was doing, how difficult it must have been to trust. And yet she did. There is such a sense of peace that comes from that Rosary. Even though I can't see the final outcome...I don't know how its all going to work out, I can hope, I can pray, and I can know that the Blessed Mother is there with me.