And trying to keep it holy!
But first a shout out to the HHS Mandate to wish it a very happy feast day... being that it's April 1 today.
It has been a Lent. I think it's mostly been good. The good Father said the other day that the mark of a "good, holy Lent" is how much we allow it to change us after Easter.
Though things are crazy to the infinite power at school, things have gone fairly well with my fifth graders. There is just so much stress...you can feel it in the air...in the energy level and the defiance of the kids. And I can feel it in my chest. It has been like this since we had the day off for a potential flood a couple of weeks ago. Just kind of unholy.
Things at home are still in a state of flux. A visit to the doctor and a prescription, which is being taken. Discussions. Things have been fairly calm. Still he does not understand me, I think. We used to be in the same place spiritually, but that has changed. That change bothers him greatly.
And I struggle very much to understand him. So much of it just seems irrational to me. A mundane example to illustrate: We were riding together to pick up his truck, when I needed gas. We stopped at a Truck Stop and there was one pump open on the far end. I drove around in front of the pumps and pulled in facing the road. For the life of him, he could not understand why I did that, and I could not understand what on earth he was talking about when he wanted me to "drive down there and spin around". And why does it really matter? In the end, we had a nice drive and a decent conversation.
I have met a few Simon's on my journey. Those who have been there, done that. One of my church lady friends. I was going in the other day to pray at the same time that she was leaving Mass. I ended up walking out with her, and we talked for several minutes. God was in the parking lot that day. She says, "I just couldn't understand why people couldn't do things the way I wanted them to. Life would have been so much easier!"
My red-headed co-worker from last year... She calls me periodically, and I always love to hear from her. I miss her so much this year. Usually, she talks and I listen. Last week, I was on my way to a track meet 30 or 40 minutes away, when she called and we talked the whole way. I didn't wreck. She told me things I hadn't heard before. "Walking on eggshells" seems to be a common expression.
I went to Stations of the Cross on Friday. Normally, I like this devotion, but often find myself very distracted. Not sure if it is because it is on a Friday afternoon at the end of a long week or what. But the last few times, I have discovered that if I close my eyes while the priest is reading and just listen, the scene forms in my mind's eye, and I "hear" so much more. I can identify with Jesus being misunderstood, enduring things that were not his fault, the sadness, the heavy heart. The temptation to go the way of the world, to wonder which is the way. It was very good.
A side note...is anyone listening to and loving the prayers from the Mass...the opening prayer, the prayer after comuunion...and loving them? I love the new translation - the language is rich!
I have spent a lot of time wondering if that self-giving love we hear so much about involves giving up things that we enjoy (like Mass or Stations of the Cross) when the one we love does not care for these things. After a while, you doubt yourself, and the evil one is the master of doubt and confusion. I went to confession yesterday because I was scheduled to serve today and because I very clearly felt like I needed that spiritual "bath" before Easter. We didn't talk long, but with no hesitation, he told me the answer to that doubt was "NO!" He is so good at making things clear. And looking back, the Lord has given me other signs that I am on the right path. Those divine "thumbs-ups" that come every so often.
Today has been a lazy, somewhat melancholy day. I got a text from my sister-in-law this morning that "Mammy" (her mother-in-law) had died in her sleep last night. She hadn't been sick, so this was sudden...not expected. She was a Kentucky fan, though, and apparently Kentucky played quite well in a basketball game last night! I knew her from joint holiday and birthday celebrations, and she was a kind and gentle soul who will be missed. Prayers for her soul and those left behind.
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