prayer

It's an ongoing theme in my life - prayer or lack thereof.  The search for the right combination of spontaneous and structured, personal and communal, from the heart and from the book, out of a sense of relationship or obligation.  More than once it's come up in confession, and advice has been varied.

A couple of months ago, I just threw up my hands.  Prayer?  The formal, structured approach wasn't really working out for me, but I hadn't given up altogether.  The advice from my confessor?  "Just keep listening."  So I have tried to do that.  Gradually (as he predicted might happen), I feel the need to return to something more structured - the morning and evening prayers that are part of the Liturgy of the Hours.  I feel the distance in my friendship with Jesus.  And while sometimes the structured prayer of the Hours sometimes feels like something to just get through, it is still a connection, a way to touch base with the God of the Universe.  Along with the more structured prayer, it means a return to a bit more discipline in my prayer life instead of "whatever".   With the end of the liturgical year this weekend, and the start of a new one, it might be a good time for that!

Plan B seems to be another recent theme.  About a month ago, I saw an announcement in a church bulletin about an Advent Day of Recollection for Women.  I called for more info, got the applications in the mail, passed them along to sister-in-law and friends, got a sub for the day, and returned the applications with the required fee a couple of weeks before the deadline.  But I got a letter in the mail the other day saying that they were full, and my name would be placed on the waiting list.  :-(  I have a sub for the day.  What will my Plan B be if I don't make it off the waiting list?

Sickness.  I want "the sickness" to stay away.  My faithful assistant came to school sick last Friday.  She didn't improve as the day went on.  She stayed home on Monday.  My talkative effervescent red-headed co-worker was also out sick on Monday.  It was VERY quiet in my room yesterday for lunch, as there were no subs.  My pastor had a sub for the weekend, and was still under the weather on Monday.  He said Mass, but he sat down to deliver the homily.  Then he went, in the rain, in the evening to hear confessions of the junior high and high school CCD kids.  I think my high schooler was holding out hope that he might not make it.

Adoration.  After I dropped older child off at CCD, I went to the Adoration Chapel.  It is so wonderfully quiet there.  At one point, there was a loud clap of thunder.  The other two occupants of the chapel and I just looked at one another.  Was God trying to tell us something?

Journal writing.  It's been seriously lacking lately.  Seems like the only times I write lately are when I'm at adoration or when I'm getting ready to go to confession.  Perhaps this blog qualifies as journal wriitng?

Procrastination.  If I am going to do what I said back in the second paragraph and be more structured in my prayer time, I must end this now.  There are prayers to be prayed....