as heard at Mass

The parish where I attend Mass on Wednesday mornings,  often has a retired priest saying Mass, and you can usually count on some kind of humor preceding the homily. 

This was yesterday's (I'm retelling from memory; the original was probably much better):  Billy Bob and Cletus wanted to buy a mule, and saw an ad for one in their local classifieds.  They paid the farmer $100 and arranged to have the mule delivered the next day. 

The next day the farmer arrives with the sad news that the mule had passed away.   Billy Bob and Cletus demanded that the farmer return the $100, but the farmer replied that he had already spent the money. 

"Then we want the dead mule," they said. 

"What are you going to do with a dead mule?" the farmer asked.

"We're going to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle off a dead mule," the farmer replied.

"Oh yes we can," was the reply.

Months later the farmer ran into Billy Bob and Cletus at the Piggly Wiggly.  "How did things work out with the dead mule?" he asked.  "Well, we made a profit of $898," they replied.  "Really??"  "Yes, we sold 500 raffle tickets for $2 each," they said.  "Well, weren't some people upset?" the farmer asked.  "Well, the guy who won the raffle was a little irate," they said, "but we just gave him his $2 back." 

Billy Bob and Cletus are now working for the federal government.  They are in charge of the Bailout Program.

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I just report.