Lately, I have the feeling of just spinning my wheels.
Lent started off awesomely, but now I have the feeling of not really going anywhere. Yes, I am being mostly faithful to most of the things that I started with for Lent, but I don't see much changing. With this, though, I am mindful of advice I got in confession a year or so ago. "Be careful not to judge what God is doing on the inside by what you see on the outside." And I know that feelings are not very reliable indicators of truth. Still, it is somewhat depressing not to see the things hoped for or the things that happened in years past.
School is about the same. I feel like I am getting no where with my lessons. It is like a big tug of war. The kids on one side of the rope and me on the other. They are all pulling against me and they are winning. I have the feeling that I could just cut and paste my lesson plans from last week into this week. Well, maybe I could leave off Monday.... I remarked to dear hubby this week that we are educating the most ignorant people I have ever seen. He was talking about what "we" teach today in the schools. I told him it doesn't matter what we teach, they're not learning it anyway. There is ZERO desire to learn. They sit zombie-like daring me to educate them. The almighty LEAP tests? They're resigned to failing them before they even open the book.
Even at home. Getting the kids to confession has been on the agenda for the last three Satudays. I went a couple of weeks ago, and they elected to postpone it, which was fine with me. Last Saturday was crazy and we just didn't make it in the 30 minute alloted time frame. So this week, we made it with about 10 minutes to spare. One kid went in almost immediately. The other sat down in the pew behind me and taps me on the shoulder, saying, "Mom, give me some sins." Ummmm.....guess we didn't do much preparation. I suggested a few and then he wants me to write them down for him. So I'm fishing a scrap of paper and a pen out of my purse. By this time the other kid has returned to the pew, sin-free and ready to start collecting some for next time, pushing on his brother and just acting silly. Someone is asking me if there were two Simons and why Thomas (on the stained glass) is holding an arrow. With the gap, another man gets up and enters the confessional. By the time he finishes, there are about 2 minutes left according to my watch. Kiddo hesitates, and he who hesitates is lost. As he walks towards the confessional, the priest exits. Oh well. Next week there is a birthday party on Satuday, and they are camping the following Saturday. I suppose he can go with dear hubby to one of the reconciliation services held here and there in the next couple of weeks.
Lord, is there a purpose in being stuck? Help me to see it. Or help me to move.