lemons

Or I could call it "endings part 2", but "lemons" is more interesting, I think.  Let me apologize in advance for the length and the lack of pictures...

This school year was sweet.  One of the best in recent (or distant) memory.  My schedule was great, my students were wonderful, and I made the acquaintance friendship of a new co-worker who made things so much better.  Considering how last year ended, this year was a special treat.  (Almost certainly arranged by God...who didn't follow my plans at all.)

But it surely ended on a sour note!  The final week just sucked...pardon the language.

I knew all along that my new favorite co-worker might not have a position for the coming year, and I did my best to just enjoy what was for what was.  But I had hope (faith?) that everything would work out (according to my plans, of course) and that she would still be with us next year.  As the year wound to a close, it became more and more apparent that things weren't going to work out according to my plans.  :-(  And then it became official.

At the same time, with less than 2 weeks of school, I had heard from a friend, who had heard from "someone reliable" that the school system was contemplating cutting about 100 of our teacher assistants.  My teacher assistant went to the board meeting that week, but nothing along those lines was discussed.  Nonetheless, at some point that no one really knows, the decision was made.  We only know because one of our teacher assistants was called by human resources and told that he was being displaced and offered other teacher assistant positions.  Those with less seniority hadn't even been called, last I heard.  And so even though no one directly told us, it became obvious that I would no longer have a teacher assistant and that my assistant would be moved to a different class on our campus.  We have worked together for several years, and it has been a pretty good match.  She spent her last day cleaning out her desk.  It just sucks that this happened and it sucks that no one really cares enough to tell the people that it impacts.  The grapevine is good enough, I suppose.  It also sucks that next year, there will be 2 people remaining to do the work that 5 or 6 people did this year.

The final straw came when I went to turn in my key on the last day.  An off-hand comment was made that I might not be in that room next year.  That they might have to "consolidate" us.  My first thought was of my Promethean Board.  It was bought by Special Ed for me, but it is bolted to the front wall of my room.  My second thought was of whom I might be "consolidated" with.  Nope, not happening without a huge fuss from me.  I don't fuss often or much, but this person just has some boundary issues.  Not gonna be just he and I in a room!  And my third thought was...2 classes in one room?  Really? With kids that already have attention issues.  That's sure to work!

So that was the end of my really wonderful year...the loss of a great co-worker friend, the loss of a oh-so-helpful teacher assistant, and the threat of a loss of personal space.  Going into the summer with much uncertainty.  (It also does not help that with an impending change of residence, there is also uncertainty about what my morning schedule/routine will be like.)

And yet I have this year to look back on...surely there have been lessons there.  After last year, I dreaded this year with a fear that you don't know.  Look what happened...God had my back.  One thing after another after another.  The pieces fell into place, and it made a beautiful picture.

Our last day was Thursday, so Friday I was at Mass early...not having to worry about getting a teenager out of bed and out the door.  It is quiet, quiet, quiet at our parish before Mass, and the anger, the sadness, and the disappointment swirled through my head.  The words that came to mind were from James.  Having just completed a Bible study on the book of James, the memory verse from the first lesson written in purple sharpie was still taped to my computer at school.  "...count it all joy...when you meet various trials...."  Joy?  How convenient!  The homily from the day before (that sucky last day) had been about none other than JOY!  What is joy?  Not that happy face thing, the good Father said.  Good thing, because I wasn't feeling much of that!  Joy is the quiet peace of the Presence of Christ within us.

My penance last time I went to confession was to have a conversation with God about what it might be that He wanted me to give up on the journey to Him.  Many possibilities have entered that conversation, but I was never quite satisfied that I had "the" answer.  I'm not certain ;-), but I think it is my uncertainty that needs to be surrendered.  It sucks up energy to worry.  What will be will be.  I will do what I can to influence things that I can change, but other than that, God can have the rest of it.  I'm pretty sure I found my answer there!

Have you lived your life in such a way as to show others that I love you?  ~Jesus

P.S.  Things are proceeding well on the new house front.  The appraisal went well.  The title research is happening now.  The closing date should be in the next few weeks.