in all things give thanks

Happy Thanksgiving!

Several weeks ago, we had a homily at church, stressing the ALL in "In ALL things give thanks."  Most of us can say that we are thankful for the good things in our lives, and probably even remember to acknowledge God's role in that good fortune.  But that is precisely the point...we are to give thanks in ALL circumstances, not just those that we judge to be good.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not even sure I'm a 100% at giving thanks for the things that are "good", and I KNOW I've got a long way to go before I'm very grateful for financial problems, or backstabbing co-workers, or self-centered people, or aches and pains.  But as I knelt in church today before Mass, gathering my thoughts and trying to hear God's wisdom, that was exactly what I heard.  Doesn't God always take care of us?  I know that He does when we get out of the way and let Him.  However, it is not always in the way we would have chosen.  In the last month at church our sacristan has had a stroke and relocated to an assisted living facility and the lovely lady that does our schedule for lectors and ministers of Communion has been diagnosed with stage IV cancer in her lungs, liver, and kidneys.

Are we supposed to be thankful for strokes and lost independence?  For cancer and lives interrupted?  But from a distance, I know that God can take painful circumstances and work miracles in the midst.  An acquaintance of mine passed away in October...she had fought stage IV lung cancer for nearly 5 years...doctors had given her a 15% chance of surviving a year.  She had 3 young children.  The miracle was not a cure, but a witness; so many were inspired by her battle, by the way she placed everything in God's hands.  Good did come from trials and sorrows.  But being thankful seems like a stretch.

I remembered a scene from The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom.  Corrie and her sister were in a Nazi concentration camp, and are housed in a building that is infested with lice.  In all things give thanks. "Lord, we are thankful for the lice," they prayed.  Later they realize that the guards totally avoid the building because of the lice.  Lord, thank you.

In my own life, I can look back and see how good has come from things that I never would have chosen.  9-11 is what gave me the incentive or motivation to make things right in my spiritual life.  There have been other trials and losses and difficulties over the years that I would have preferred to avoid.   Yet, I can sometimes look back and think, "Oh, this is why I had to go through that!"   But even then, gratitude - if it comes at all - is often very much delayed.

Lord, help me to be grateful.  Help me not to ask you "why", but to understand "what" I am supposed to learn or to become from the difficult things in my life.  Help me to give thanks in ALL things.

1/2/14:  Updating.  My sacristan friend seems to very happy with his new living quarters, from what I've heard.

My friend diagnosed with Stage IV cancer is likely very happy with her new home, although we miss her greatly.  She underwent surgery on December 20 with great hope that the tumor could be removed and the remaining cancer successfully treated with chemo.  Her heart stopped after surgery, however, and could not be restarted.  She had told her husband that she might be "spending Christmas with Jesus" and she was totally OK with it.

The thing to be thankful for is that she felt had no symptoms from the cancer and never had any pain from it.  She had time to prepare for her death and to wrap up loose ends, and we got to hug her and tell her that we loved her.  The rosary held at the school where she worked and the memorial Mass held at our small parish were attended by hundreds.  It was beautiful.  She was beautiful.  Her husband told me, "keep praying."

fresh starts

The school year has begun and for the first time in 20 something years, I am at a new school, in a new classroom, with a new staff, and new students.

The classroom I am now occupying is awesome.  If it had a sink, it would be just about perfect, but I won't be picky.  I have 4 window unit air conditioners.  I have an area along one side where my computers are housed, a main room, a closet, and another room, which can be used for small group instruction or a time-out room.

I spent a lot of time in the closet.  It was a mess!  Days were spent before school started...trying to make some sense of it....

It is better.  Not perfect.  I still have boxes of my own to unload...and school started before I could get them all unloaded.

Did I mention that I love my students??  I have 7 of them right now.  I think we will get along just fine.  Complete strangers have come up to me and told me how glad they are that I am in this class.  Apparently the classroom atmosphere was different last year.

I am struggling to find my feet, but that is always the case at the beginning of the year.  Moreso this year, because I don't have experience with the curriculum that other teachers with this type of class use.  Going to spend the day tomorrow with a friend who teaches this class at another school.  Hopefully, that will help...

I manage my way to and from without the GPS, now.  And I found the nearby Dollar Gen...bought some cleaning supplies there one day.

I have two teacher assistants, and that has helped me to feel comfortable.  I also have a colleague from my old school who is here...a familiar face.  People have been nice.  But as I sat in the auditorium for a faculty meeting after the first day of school, I wondered how long it will be before I could count some of those people as "friends". Fresh starts...

It has been an amazing journey - the last 4 months.  A journey I never planned to take.  Sometimes God has been in the driver's seat....other times he has sat in the passenger seat and navigated.  There have been plenty of billboards along the way letting us know we are on the right path.  My supervisor shared with me that the job was open for "only a few days" before she heard that I had filled it.  It made me wonder what had happened if I had been called on the first day they started placing us...instead of the third.  Maybe this job wouldn't have been available.  I marveled at God's timing.   But now it seems like we are pulling back into the driveway.  The let-down feeling after vacation....when you have to go back to the real world, when you still have laundry and unpacking to do.

But in the end...I have a sense that I am where I am supposed to be...and that was my prayer all along.  Things will happen when they happen.  And all will be well.  I am blessed to be where I am.

in appreciation

My favorite day of the year,!  There are 1,728 hours until school starts again!  All kinds of limitless possibilities sitting out there on the horizon - just waiting to be grabbed!

It was a pretty good school year.  For the first time in many years - 13 or so - I did not have an assistant, thanks to budget cuts.  I managed OK with less time to plan, less help, more students, and more classes.  I'm not sure my students fared as well.  Ultimately they pay the price.  Today we heard that our school will have more teacher assistants in the fall!  I am cautiously excited, as is my assistant from the last several years, who was assigned to another class this year.  She helped other students, but she never really left my class.

For some reason that I do not understand - gift of God, perhaps - I have finished this year very unstressed.  Usually by the time the end of May rolls around, my shoulders are in knots, I am not sleeping well at night because I am afraid of forgetting something while I sleep, and I just don't even want to talk to people.  That didn't happen this year.  I still had all my end of the year stuff plus Honors night to plan, plus the issues from home, but no stress.  I walked through things as they came, and life was good!

I was even able to appreciate some other people this year.  Teachers love to be appreciated, and some of the things that I have saved for years have been thank-you notes.  They come so rarely - from parents or supervisors or administrators or students.  I still have one that my principal of several years ago wrote to me after an Honors Night.

Person #1 on my list of gratitude was my kids' bus driver.  I'm not even sure what his name is, but my kids love him.  When we moved to our new house, I knew by the diversity of surrounding neighborhoods, there was a good possibility that they would be two of very few white kids on the bus.  My husband was horrified at the idea that I would even entertain the thought of them being in such a situation.  As it turns out, they were the only white folks on the bus, but it has been just fine.  The bus is drama-free, the bus driver waits for us in the morning if he gets to the stop first, and my kids have appreciated his wisdom and outlook on life.  A quick note for him, and a gift card to Chik-Fil-A. 

People #2-6 on my list were my co-workers who helped me with Honors Night.  I wrote them notes, too, and bought each a gourmet chocolate bar.  Not expensive, but just a way to say thanks.  They appreciated being appreciated.

Person #7 would be my good priest.  He has been going through a lot lately, as his mother is "hanging on" and they are taking everything hour by hour, day by day.   He has missed a couple of Masses in the past 2 weekends, and we never know if there is going to be daily Mass in the morning when we get there or if he will have gotten "the call".  Since it was about time, I figured I would take advantage of confession while I could, and went yesterday.  I mentioned something about being angry and the language reflecting that, and I had to smile as he commented wryly, " it usually does". 

Dear hubby and I are both agreeable to counseling, but quite honestly, the whole idea of working through things isn't very appealing.  I'm afraid they will decide that I'm the one that is totally off in left field somewhere.  And so I said something about the fear of working through things.  Fear doesn't usually come from God.  I know the Holy Spirit speaks through this man.  With barely a thought, he pulled an example from what he is currently going through with his mom and siblings.  Apparently things have not been all sunshine and roses with his siblings through the years.  He said how much he had dreaded what he is now going through, but how awesome God's healing love had been in the past weeks.  Never be afraid of the healing love that Jesus wants to pour out, he tells me...bite the bullet and work through it!  He is always SO encouraging!

Person # 8 would be my principal.  He has his issues, but he is also kind and compassionate.  I had an observation back in November, I think.  It was such a train wreck that I never went in afterwards for a post-observation conference.  In the middle of my math lesson, with my principal sitting in the back of my room, I had kids asking for "call-home slips" and refusing to lift their heads off the desk.  The icing on the cake was when one of them - in his socks - got up and started to 409 his desk in the middle of a lesson on equivalent fractions.  The desk was dirty, after all.  Probably because he had written on it.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when it was all done.  I chose laughter.  This week, I had to finally sit with him and sign end-of-the-year paperwork and that observation.  He said that in spite of the fact that I had to constantly redirect attention, my teaching never stopped, and that it was a masterful job.  I thought it was so kind of him to see the glass as at least half-full. 

And so here we are with a post that I meant to be about the opportunities of summer, but ended up to be about gratitude.  What are you grateful for?  How can you show it?

gratitude, with a little grumbling

First of all - Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and those who are like mothers!  Sometimes I really think these holidays are over-rated.  And I have gradually come to realize that I have married into a family - an entire family - of holiday-ruiners!  Do you know the type?  Perhaps it comes with  high expectations, and then when those expecations don't come to pass, there is a holiday melt-down.  Or maybe it is just too much stress to be with each other.  There is always someone that has to have drama on a holiday!  Today was brother-in-law's turn.  But that is not worth giving much attention to. 

What I would want to remember is my sweet son, lighting the charcoal in the bar-b-q pit and cooking me a delicious steak.  Love you, B!  And the other Sweet Child 'o Mine...A.  I dropped him off at a party on Saturday afternoon.  He left his phone in my car, so I got out to give it to him after he had already joined his group of friends.  He gave me a hug and told me he loved me...in front of other people. 

I'm not sure exactly what the red flower is.  I've been pulling the vines...thinking they are weeds, but they don't pull very easily. The roots don't come out.  Kind of like my marriage in some ways.  Almost not sure where the weeds are.  I am trying to discern what to do in the way of counseling.  I really would like a Catholic viewpoint - at least to start.  Since it is my "fanatical" participation in my faith that is the focal point right now.  A couple of emails to the diocesean Office of Family Life netted me 4 pages of names and phone numbers and prices.  There is one that I am drawn to, but at $165/hour.... On the other hand, my employer offers an Employee Assistance Program, which is no cost. 

There seems much to pray for these days.  My pastor's elderly mother has been in ICU in critical condition for the past several days.  Complications from elbow surgery, I think.  His update on Friday at Mass was that she was "continuing to sink lower and lower".  Today I got a call from a good friend who moved away several years ago.  I thought it was to wish me Happy Mother's Day, but it was to let me know that she is in her hometown....a couple of hours from here because her mother passed away last week.  The wife of an older couple that I have gotten to be friends with at church - my pew buddies - had surgery in February.  Complications - plural.  A stroke.  Her vision was affected.  It had begun to improve, but is now regressing.

Things are winding down at school.  I have 10 days left.  One of which will be a field trip, and another half of which I am going to take off to visit with my friend.  Much paperwork left to do, and trophies to order for Honor's Night...but I'll get it done.  And bread to order for our po-boy sale next weekend.  At least the Super Moon is over with....

 
My boys and I were scheduled to serve at Mass today....the late one that we never go to.  Our pastor was not there....he has had a tough week with his Mom.  The person who was supposed to read was not there, either.  Lectoring duties fell to me.  I've had thoughts of volunteering for that ministry at various times, but have never taken the big leap. Especially after I was asked to be an Extraordinary Minister for Communion.  I was a little nervous, and I know you could hear it in my voice, but I made it.  I got a text this evening from our music director giving me a pat on the back and hoping that it would be a recurring thing. 

When all was said and done this evening, I went to the little chapel by my house and spent a wonderful hour with Jesus.  I could have easily stayed for another.  While there is much to pray for, there is also much to be thankful for....  This picutre is a few weeks late, but my Granddad celebrated another journey around the sun.  With daily assistance from my parents, he still lives fairly independently. 

Have a great week, y'all!

thanksgiving

The other morning, before school, I was doing some reflecting.  In his homily that morning, the good priest had mentioned that one of his favorite penances to give is for the penitent to spend time thinking of the ways that God shows His great love to them.  Ways that the Kingdom of God is present in our lives.  Surely I've gotten some variation of that a time or two, and it seemed like a good starting place for mediation that particular morning.

Eucharist literally means thanksgiving.  And since all that we are and have comes from and through God...here is what came to mind that morning.... 

The ways God shows His great love to me:

(very creative title, right?)

In his forgiveness.

(I guess the mention of this being a favorite penance had forgiveness right there on the top of my head.)

In the Eucharist.

In the people he gives to me as family.

In the coolness of the morning.

In the beauty of my house.

In the quiet stillness of this church.

In the patience and kindness of the people whom I work with.

In the students that he sends me to teach.  All of them sent for a reason.

 In the trials He sends that lead me to Him.

In His dying and rising to save me.

In the small moments He sends when things go just about right.

In the wonderful priests He has sent to our parish.

In His word, when whatever question I had is beautifully answered.

In those who suffer with surrender.

We have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope your day is wonderful!

gratitude

Today was a beautiful, sunny day.  Last year (while standing in line for confession, no less) I was told about an outdoor Stations of the Cross that takes place every Good Friday at 10 a.m. on some property not too far from where I live.  I went last year and thought it was nice.  This year, my 14 year old grudgingly joined me.

 

That's my teenager there in the jeans, hanging out with a few guys he knows from school waiting for things to start.  Can't you just see the excitement?

 

Some of the stations.

 And way, way up at the top of some of the pine trees....do you see it??  Crosses!!  My source tells me that some years they are there in abundance!  This year, not so much!

My 15 year old stayed behind, because he planned to serve at the 3:00 Service with his friend.  Then the friend's mom called and told me that he had been in an accident (not serious....pulled /torn muscle type thing), and so with less than 2 hours till crunch time...15 year old was definitely needed.  One of our younger guys showed up and helped him, and both servers did a great job.

Some years, the starkness of the sanctuary startles me on Good Friday.  This year, not really.  It was my third time seeing it, this year.   Everything had been removed on Wednesday before the Tenebrae service.

This service (not Mass!!) starts without a hymn.  Priest and servers enter in silence and kneel (as do we).  It's almost as if it starts where we left off the night before.  Kneeling in silence.  It then progresses somewhat like a regular Mass.  The Passion account from John is read.  There is a homily.  Today's was good.  Good Friday is not a day for sadness or for self-accusation.  It is a day for gratitude and quiet reflection.  It is not a day for revelry.  (Here crawfish boils are very popular on Good Friday.)  Not a time for the "last chance crawfish boil" and acting like pagans.  (Yes, he went there!)  Gratitude is shown by keeping His commandments, self-sacrifice, obedience, choosing to become more like Jesus.  The only way to Heaven...by the cross.  That's the Reader's Digest version.

After the homily, the priest and servers walk to the back of the church.  Then the cross is carried in.  Father carried the cross; the servers carried candles on either side.  At some churches those present venerate the cross by kissing it.  At our church, we venerate by kneeling at our place for a few minutes.  That works just fine for me!  After that, there are prayer intentions for just about every one in the world.  Seriously.  It takes several minutes.

Then the altar servers "dress the altar" (put on the cloth and candles) and a Communion Service follows, using the Eucharist that was consecrated at the Holy Thursday Mass.

There was a song sung to day during Communion.  I can find neither the lyrics or the song, but the refrain was something like, "Lord, make my life an offering to you..."  It was perfect!

 Following Holy Communion, a blessing is prayed over the people, and then all depart in silence.  Still no ending to the liturgy that began on Thursday evening.

lost and found

September 11, 2001.

It's one of those days that most of us will remember forever.  We will remember where we were, who we were with, what the weather was like, and what we felt.  We all have a story to tell about that day.

It was a Tuesday.  I had a mindless meeting before school, so I was already at school when the first plane hit the first tower.  The bell rang, school started.  First hour.  Second hour.  I was doing "inclusion" with an 8th grade science teacher at that hour.  My students were included in his2nd and 3rd hour classes, and we were standing on the sidewalk during the change of classes.  Someone came up to us and handed us a typed-written memo.  It said something very generic about the terrorist activities in New York and advised us not to say anything to our students and not to worry because local law enforcement was monitoring things..

First I'd heard about any terrorist activities.  So third hour started, and the teacher started with his daily routine - taking roll, etc.  I went to the computer in the back of the room and tried to find something - anything - that would tell us what was going on.  The servers were incredibly slow (overloaded) that day.  I think I probably tried the fox news and cnn.websites trying to get something.  Finally I went to parentsoup.com - a parenting website with bulletin boards where I frequently posted.  Today that site would have been blocked, but not in those days.  There, I could see by postings of other parents what was going on.

I saw that both towers had fallen.  This was just inconceivable.  I couldn't cry then.  There was a class full of kids.  So we just carried on like normal.  I remember conveying the information that I had found to the teacher.  And we went on.

The day was beautiful.  Clear blue skies.  And not a plane in them, as I stood outside on playground duty.  It seemed more quiet than usual.

My sister had gotten married on September 7.  She was honeymooning in Pennsylvania.  I wondered about her safety.  My aunt and uncle from New Jersey had come down for her wedding.  They flew home on September 10.  They saw the World Trade Center towers from their plane.  They were beautiful in the setting sun. Who knew it was the last time the sun would sent on them?  My brother-in-law was living in LA at the time, but had a friend in NYC.  He had been visiting her that weekend, and he was on a plane from NYC to LA.  His plane was grounded in Ohio or some such place.  I think he finally rented a car and drove home.

There were a lot of things lost on that day.  3000 lives.  Innocence.  Security.  Liberty.  We saw evil that day. 

But there were also some things found on that day.  As only God can do, there was good that came from what was evil.  Our nation united in grief, in support, in a common purpose, but that unfortunately did not last.  Remember those flags that were everywhere??  Our family found its way back to church that weekend, and that did last.  While 3000 lives were lost, our 4 lives now have a fighting chance to be saved. 

I had always felt so safe in this country we call home.  Even if someone were to invade us - we would have at least *some* warning that they were coming, I rationalized.  Only with this, there was no warning.  They turned our own airplanes into weapons to be used against us.  The simplicity and the ease with which it was done deeply shook that sense of security I'd always had.  Suddenly we were vulnerable.  I was vulnerable.

It was a wake-up call for me to stop and look at my own life.  What would have been my fate on that day, if planes had hit *my* building???  It wasn't a reassuring thought.  We were infrequent church-goers, I hadn't been to confession in nearly a decade, and my confessions before that had been rather "selective" in what I confessed [read: not totally honest].  I had some "things" that needed to be set right.  This started the wheels turning and that did happen a few months down the road - the setting right - and it was a wonderful, wonderful thing.  

So, on this day, let us not give into the temptation to hate. Let us pray for our enemies. Let us morn for the things that were lost, and give thanks for the things that were found.   Let us always look for ways to bring good out of evil.

Here's a picture from the archives for you.  A picture of a picture because I'm not so fond of scanning any more, and the original is probably forever *stuck* in one of those "magnetic" photo albums.  This was taken on one of those visits to New Jersey to see my grandparents. We took a day trip to NYC.  I think this is about 1974.  My younger brother, my grandfather, my mother, me (I think those were seersucker pants) and my dad.  My then-2 -year old brother had been left behind, and my much-younger sister, not yet born.  Aren't we some stylish people??   Don't know who the back of the head belongs to.

gratitude again

The paper that came home with dear 8th grader concerning his faith statement included this bit from Thomas Merton.  I thought it was worth a second glance and copied it:

To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us – and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference. ~Thomas Merton

I loved the line that says, "...the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience."  Yes!

faith and friends and gratitude

My 8th grader graduated was promoted from 8th grade this past Thursday.  One part of the graduation promotion ceremony was the reading of "Faith Statements" by the 8th graders.  All 54 of them.

Backing up:  Each year our school has a "theme".  Some of the ones that I can remember are "a little yeast leavens the whole batch", "I am the gate", "living water", "gifts, 5, 2, 1", "and God said it was good", "rooted and grounded in love".  This year the theme was gratitude:  Let your hearts overflow with joy and gratitude for all that He has done.  Each year the 8th graders write "faith statements" based on the theme.  I have seen them for years in the yearbook.  They are given 3 different ways that they can start their statement, and then they complete it.

A few weeks ago, 8th grader came to me and said, "Mom, my faith statement is due tomorrow. (of course) I know what I want to say.  I want to talk about my friends, but I don't know how to say it.  Can you help me?"  Backing up a little bit more, he has been with these kids since his second try in first grade.  He has also been on ADHD meds since first grade.  Always a fairly quiet kid, the meds made him even quieter.  He always seemed to be accepted by the other kids (this class was good that way),. but never had a lot of interaction with most of them.  Last year I watched him at an awards banquet, sitting with a group of his friends, and he never said a word.  "Mom, I'd rather not say anything than look stupid like xxxxx by saying the wrong thing." 

What is a parent to do?  This year, he discovered that life was much more fun if he didn't take his medication.  He had friends!!  I got a call from the counselor, "8th grader is different this year.  And not necessarily in a good way."  He was also not doing so hot in many of his classes - unable to remember what was for homework or concentrate long enough to get his work done.  We finally compromised on half of his dose.  As his doctor said a few years back, "The cooperation of the patient is essential in these things."  This child - who has had nothing but straight A's in conduct for the past 7 years - ended up in Saturday detention one morning because he lost so many conduct points!!  My quiet child! 

So we sat down to write a Faith Statement.  The starter that we picked was "God has blessed me with many gifts.  I will show my gratitude by...."  He has friends, and as fate would have it, most of them are following the path to our local Catholic High school, and he is not.  So now that he has friends he will have to start again next year. 

This is what we came up with :  God has blessed me with many gifts; I will show my gratitude by being thankful for the friends that I’ve made at *** who have made a difference in my life. Even though they won’t be part of my daily life next year, they will always be in my heart.

"They clapped for me at practice when I read my faith statement, Mom.  And I was the only one."  Little brother came home with the news that 8th grader's faith statement had made Mrs. MathTeacher cry.  Their principal said he could tell that it came from the heart.  His classmates high-fived him.  His social studies teacher said the math teacher had "warned her".  It was good.

Here he is with some of his classmates after the ceremony.   My 8th grader has a white tie.  (His choice).    In the one with the car in the background, he is saying something to his friends.  Love their facial expressions! And yes...that is a g-i-r-l standing next to him.....

more gratitude

Continuing with the gratitude theme - leading up to Thanksgiving.

Sunday found me grateful for my big, orange, riding lawnmower.  I got the back of the backyard mowed.  It was SO dry.  So I was also grateful for the Zyrtec that allowed me to continue to breathe after inhaling all that stuff.

Monday, I was thankful for my kids.  Basically, good kids that keep my life interesting.

Tuesday, we're going with a religious theme.  Today is my patron saint's feast day - St. Elizabeth of Hungary.  So I am thankful for all the Saints that have gone before us:  Sts. Elizabeth, Clare, Francis, and Anthony to name but a few.  I am also grateful for St. Cody who taught me so much in the years he was in my class.  I am grateful for the Eucharist (literally Thanksgiving) and the opportunities we have to receive.  I had the opportunity to attend Mass at my kids' school this morning.  We are so blessed.

Wednesday I was grateful that my stepson will be returning from Iraq for good - hopefully before Christmas.

Thursday I am thankful for the people that I work with.  Some days they make it worthwhile.

Friday I am so thankful that it is Friday.  And that we have an entire week off of school. 

Saturday I am thankful that I am not at winter camp in the rain with my boys, and thankful that when I get there on Monday, the weather should be nice!