sanctity

Yesterday marked the 39th anniversary of the "abomination" of Roe vs. Wade.  I had just turned 8...in the third grade.  It was one of those events that is burned into my mind like the Space Shuttle or 9-11.  I was sitting in a third grade classroom, when the principal made an announcement about this decision and the church bells began to toll. 

Today is (was) a day of prayer and penance throughout the Catholic Church in the United States.  I don't know if too many people really knew about it, though.  We heard about it briefly at Mass this morning, but not at all yesterday.  I knew about it, but I can't say that I really did anything penitential.  Sometimes its hard to just pick something out of thin air and offer it as penance.

I did, though, spend some time reflecting this morning before school, and that I can share:

The good Father remarked this morning of the increase in violence in our society.  That is because - he says - because of the lack of reverence for life - from conception to natural death.

And we all contribute to that in some way.

• for the times that we are glad when certain students are absent...because their presence is such a burden
• for the times we don't see any humanity in those that we deal with
• for the times that we do not treat them with respect and dignity; even when they don't deserve it
• for the times we have given up on those whom are sent to us
• for strength to deal with "the least" with kindness and compassion 

There must be times when the Lord looks down at each of us and sadly shakes his head at the lack of humanity that he sees in our hearts.  And yet, He always treats us with dignity and respect, with love and compassion, even when we do not deserve it.  And even if we have given up on ourselves, He never gives up hope for us.

thanksgiving

The other morning, before school, I was doing some reflecting.  In his homily that morning, the good priest had mentioned that one of his favorite penances to give is for the penitent to spend time thinking of the ways that God shows His great love to them.  Ways that the Kingdom of God is present in our lives.  Surely I've gotten some variation of that a time or two, and it seemed like a good starting place for mediation that particular morning.

Eucharist literally means thanksgiving.  And since all that we are and have comes from and through God...here is what came to mind that morning.... 

The ways God shows His great love to me:

(very creative title, right?)

In his forgiveness.

(I guess the mention of this being a favorite penance had forgiveness right there on the top of my head.)

In the Eucharist.

In the people he gives to me as family.

In the coolness of the morning.

In the beauty of my house.

In the quiet stillness of this church.

In the patience and kindness of the people whom I work with.

In the students that he sends me to teach.  All of them sent for a reason.

 In the trials He sends that lead me to Him.

In His dying and rising to save me.

In the small moments He sends when things go just about right.

In the wonderful priests He has sent to our parish.

In His word, when whatever question I had is beautifully answered.

In those who suffer with surrender.

We have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope your day is wonderful!

seek and surrender

Today's homily was mostly about St. Martin de Tours, who's feast day it is today.  My first thought was "didn't we just have him last week?"  But after the early morning fog cleared away, I realized that it was St. Martin de Porres that we had last week (or the week before).   I listened intently to the homily.... there were a few tie-ins to today's scriptures about wisdom and living with the end (heaven) in mind.  But really caught my attention were two words in the last sentence about St. Martin seeking God, but also being available to and surrendering to God.  My friend who was sitting next to me didn't hear them at all.  The working of the Holy Spirit that a church full of people can listen to the same homily, but different things touch different people in different ways.

I have been doing a bit of thinking about seeking and surrendering since my last confession.  It is not enough to just show up waving a white flag of surrender.  (And how difficult it is to truly surrender!)  As we surrender, we must also continue to seek God through prayer, through scripture, through reading.  The two are not mutually exclusive.  I love how God connects the dots to make a picture!

the car

Twas a busy day.  Went to Mass early, and then planned to meet a friend to work out.  Those plans went out the window, when another friend who moved 7 hours away 3 or 4 years ago, called to say she was passing through town.  Met her for donuts instead.  Such is life.

Using our holiday wisely, we then paid a visit to my parents today, with nothing on the agenda other than visiting.  No birthday.  No egg hunt.  No presents to open.  (Well, maybe a couple of presents, since I was delivering a couple of late Christmas gifts...one that didn't make it on time and a couple of giftcards that got left behind Christmas Day.)

We had a pleasant afternoon and evening.  We enjoyed the antics of my nephew/God child.  Little kids are so much fun!

 

It was a nice day, so we spent some time outside.  One of my kids tried the door handle on The Car and found that is was open...

 

The Car has always been there.  Or for the past 40 years or so. 

This is The Car that I went to kindergarten in.  Back in 1969.

Prior to that time we had been a 1-car family.  

But bus service wasn't provided for kindergartners, so the 1968 Dodge Polara joined our family.

It was a 2-door with a black interior.  Can you say "hot"?

Robin's Egg Blue?  Turquoise?

Probably more turquoise.  You couldn't quite call it blue.  Or green.

It was in the day before power windows.

Before they had head rests on the back of the seats.

It was a tank.

I learned to drive using it.

I drove it when I needed a car in college.

Not everyone can say they drove the same car in college that their mother used to deliver them to kindergarten.

It took LEADED gas.

We called it the Batmobile.

It was fun for "Chinese Fire Drills". 
Do stupid young people still do that?  Or is it too politically incorrect?

I retired it in 1986 when I graduated and bought a nice fuel efficient, Honda Accord Hatchback.

The last inspection sticker on it is from 1994.

Before my boys were born.

It has survived hurricanes and all matter of weather.

But the years have not been kind.

It has patiently waited for restoration, which will not come.

It's too late.

I tried taking a black and white picture.

Hoping it would hide some of its glaring imperfections.

It didn't really work.

So what's my point?
None, really.
Just documenting a piece of family history/memorabilia/nostalgia.

Guess if I wanted to draw a spiritual connection, we could be thankful that we are never beyond restoration - no matter what the years hold for us, and how glaring our imperfections.

God of the impossible

That's our God - the God of the impossible situations. 

The homily today at Mass focused on Joseph and how the found himself in an impossible situation - a wife pregnant with a child that surely wasn't his, but even more impossible - a wife with a child conceived by the Holy Spirit.  Ummm....yeah...sure....tell me another one.  'But because Joseph was a man of great faith, he was also a man of great surrender'.  And because of that surrender/faith, he came to know Jesus - God -in-the-flesh in ways that we can not even imagine.  The parting food for thought from the homily - Why does God want to be present in our lives?  Because each of us engraved as a deep wound on His heart. 

Impossible situations.  Surrender.  Engraved on the Heart of God. 

I know friends with situations that seem impossible.  Cancer diagnoses. Issues with grown children. Troubled marriages.  Family issues.  Financial stuff.  Grief.

I know that I've felt like I've been in situations that were just unbearable.  Not life or death.  Just miserable with no seeming way out.  The issues I've faced in the past year at school, for one. 

Surrender is a work in progress for me.  Never my first option.  First option would be protesting about how it is not fair, and then looking for alternate routes, complete with figurative (if not actual) kicking and screaming.  And then finally, like a child that has been placed in their crib to "cry it out", I realize that the kicking and screaming doesn't help.  I know that someone is there, and I know that even if I don't understand why I'm in the spot that I'm in...there's a reason.  And eventually, I let it go...slowly.   OK, God.  I don't know why I'm here or why You think I need to go through this, but I know You have something in mind.  And I trust that in the end, it will work out.  You will bring some good from this, somehow - in only a way that you can.

At the end of last school year, I was facing a supervisor who would have driven me to drink or quit, a class of kids who would have made me lose what little sanity I cling to, and an administrator who was miserable in their job and openly hostile to me.  But God never lets us go.  In August, I found out my supervisor had resigned!!  In October, my class of insanity finally went to a better place.  That left only one major thorn in my side.  One night, earlier in the school year,  as I was replaying events from the day in my head and telling God, "You know, God, I don't really need this $%&@ in my life."  I heard a small little answer, "You know, Karen, maybe you do."  That was when I could finally say, "Alrighty, then.  I don't understand.  I don't know why.  But obviously, You do.  Go ahead.  I give up." 

Since that time, the thorn has barely spoken to me, and the silence has been good.  I almost like work again. Every once in a while ugliness raises its head, but it is a reminder to pray.  I kick and scream for a bit, because surrender is a work in progress, but in the end, it's OK.   God is there.

Engraved as a deep wound on the Heart of God.  I guess that is most of us, and a thought worthy of prayer and reflection.

Let us remember to pray for those in impossible situations.  I don't have to look far right now to see them.  May those in those situations find a deep intimacy with God through their surrender. 

being fed

One of my morning Mass buddies... we first "noticed" each other a couple of summers ago when we were the only white people at the "black" church that we like to go to...and then realized that we are often at Daily Mass together at various parishes... - anyway, she often says that she goes to Mass where she is "fed".

The last couple of days have been rich, indeed.  Yesterday was the Gospel from Matthew where the chief priests (religiously devout of the day) were trying to trip up Jesus by asking him by what authority he did things.  He turned the tables on them, and eventually refused to answer, since he knew it was a no-win.  Father says it was decision time for those chief priests and elders - would they accept Jesus or not?  They refused.  We face the same decision.  Do we accept his authority? 

Later in the homily he said that sometimes we do not understand our own motivations for some of the things we do.  He compared that to being "strangers in your own house", and said that the Lord can reveal to you motivations and things you don't know... Good news, I suppose!

My favorite line from the homily, though:  The Lord did not come to bring us a holiday!  He came to change our lives.  [if we let him...]  So many get so wrapped up in the trappings of the holiday...

Today's Mass was at a different parish with a different priest.  He spoke some about St. John of the Cross, whose feast day it was today.  The readings were different than the ones in the misallette; relating to the cross.   The homily told how St. John became detached even from the things of nature which he loved a great deal. We were cautioned about getting so attached to God's gifts that we put them in the place of God.  I had never heard that line of thinking before, and thought that was an interesting

Editing to add this bit that was in this priest's column in the bulletin:   "...our longing for God can easily get overwhelmed by our wants and desires for things...not just material goods...I mean also things like peace and serenity and health and happiness and holiness and generosity and forgiveness.  So often when I even begin to open my heart to God, it is because I want/need/desire that I receive those things.  Is there perhaps a deeper need that extends to simply wanting God, rather than settling for what God gives to me?  Instead of a prayer that cries out, "I need this" or "I want that", might our prayer simply be, "I need you"?  Are we living in a longing for God's gifts, rather than the simplicity of a longing for God?...May our hearts be filled with a passionate desire for God.  ~Fr. KL

superheroes and kings

I ran across this picture yesterday.  It dates back to the time that my little superheroes often ended up in my bed.  Dear hubby worked nights, and my guiding principal regarding sleeping arrangements at the time was "however the most people can get the most sleep".  My mother warned that I'd never get them out of my bed.  But they are now 13 and 15, and it has been YEARS since they've even asked about sleeping in my bed. 

Wednesday morning I didn't make it to Mass.  It hardly ever happens that I miss a daily Mass because I slept in, but  I did.  I opened my eyes at 6:40, and thought, "I'll never make 7:00 Mass."  I guess I was still half- asleep because Mass wasn't until 7:30.  Oh well.  I went that evening to the Adoration Chapel.  It was an ADD conversation that I had with God.  It just kind of went this way and that way.  But it was good. 

Not too long ago in confession, my penance was to ask God to place His throne in my heart - or something along those lines.  It went along with the readings for the day, and I thought it was pretty simple.  Sounded that way on the surface.  I had a mental image of a nice, shiny, gold chair.  That kind of throne would fit just perfectly in my heart.  But as I sat there the other night, I realized that Jesus' throne wasn't a nice, shiny, gold chair, but a rough, wooden cross.  So much for easy.  Guess that will be something to pray about further...

I kind of appreciate that nearly a month after confession, my penance has become a part of me; food for reflection.

What kind of penances do you get?  It's been a while since I've had the 3 Hail Mary's or 1 Our Father variety. Recent ones still floating around in my memory...

• give something up for a day; offer it .... (in thanksgiving for something specific or for someone else)
• go and bask in the silence; listen to Jesus speak to you
• take a minute and pray for/thank God for (usually something/someone making me crazy) 
• ask God to show you the good He wants you to become
• read the Gospel and reflect upon who the Lazarus' are in your life

We celebrated the Solemnity of Christ the King last weekend.  May Christ's throne always rule in our hearts!

three dollars worth of God

Today's homily started off with a quote from today's responsorial psalm (Lord when your glory appears, my joy will be full.)  and something along these lines: 

I'd like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.  

Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep.  

I want just enough to equal a cup of warm milk.  

Not enough to take control of my life.

I want ecstasy, not transformation.   

Not enough to change my heart.  

I want the warmth of the womb, but not a new birth.

I want a pound of the eternal in a paper sack.

I'd like to buy three dollars worth of God, please.

I'd never heard that before.  Never gotten it in one of those forwarded emails that has made it around the world 74 times.  So it caught my attention.  It so neatly sums up what we try to do with God.  We try to control Him, to keep Him in a box, to get Him to do what we want, instead of letting Him transform and convert us into what He wants us to be.

We don't really like it when we are called to leave our comfort zones.  Really, God?  You want me to pray for HER?  You want me do what?  Go to confession?  More than once a year?  Serve you how?  Are you sure?  Now?   Forgive who?   But that's not what *I* had in mind.  I will be the first to admit that I am guilty.  I want the easy road.  Not the way of the cross.  We want to participate in the resurrection, but not so much in the crucifixion.

But if we truly want to follow Jesus, three dollars worth of God is not nearly enough!  I need way more than $3 worth of God!

how-to on humility and compassion

Mass this morning at a parish that I sometimes visit.  The priest was a retired monsignor filling in for the vacationing pastor.  He recently turned 80, I think, and I very much enjoy his Masses.  You're never quite sure what you're going to get for a homily - some of them are kind of ADD-like, but always good.  He tells it like it is.

Today he starts off by saying that he remembered yesterday evening, that he had forgotten to tell them something yesterday.  "We talk a lot about humility and compassion," he says, "but how do we get there?  How do we dispose ourselves to receive those graces?" 

First of all - prayer and meditation.  We don't do enough of that, he says.  Especially prayer before the Blessed Sacrament.

Secondly - the sacraments. 

Confession.  "We (priests) used to put in long hours in the confesional, but now it's difficult to find a priest in the confessional.  But people don't sin any more.  Or at least they don't think that they do.  That's a road to humility," he says.  "'Bless me Father.... I've been greedy, selfish, arrogant....'  We need to go frequently..monthly is good.  Or if not monthly, then every two months.  But certainly no less than every three months." 

The Eucharist...Jesus humbled himself for us out of compassion.  We are called to imitate Him as we receive Him...to be more like Him....

Just in case you were wondering....

gardening

Often, it is not hard to draw spiritual connections from gardening.

I planted pepper plants last spring, and for some reason, the banana peppers never produced anything.  Last year I had all the peppers I could want off of 2 or 3 plants, but this year, 8 or 9 plants yielded nothing.  Summer got too hot to be outside.  The grass grew up in areas I couldn't get to with the riding mower.  I stopped watering.  I stopped tending to them at all.  And now:

It is a picture of pure neglect.  Something that started out with such high hopes.  And then was left by the wayside.  Yet, in spite of the neglect, there is fruit (or veggies, as the case may be).To the right of the withered red pepper hidden by a leaf is a new "baby" banana pepper.

Is that not how are spiritual lives are sometimes?  We ask and ask.  We see no results.  We do different things to try to achieve the desired results. We bargain, we promise, we pray, we fast.  And then we walk away, disappointed.  Not sure if God has even heard us, but sure that if He did, the answer must have been "NO!"

How often God DOES come through!   Maybe not in the way we had planned, but He comes through in spite of dryness in prayer, in spite of the weeds of sin, in spite of our lack of effort and lack of faith.

How do we respond when we see these gifts?  Do we see them at all, or have we given up and gone on to other things?  Do we leave them hanging on the vine with indifference?  Gee thanks, God, but I don't need it now.  Or do we say a prayer of thanks and make use of what we've been given?

week in review and lazarus who?

First of all, let me say that the picture doesn't have anything to do with the post, as far as I can tell.  I took it.  I liked it.  I'm sharing it.

The world has looked brighter since Tuesday.  I made it to Mass Wednesday morning and filled up a container of holy water, which is now sitting on my desk.  I have good conversations with our head custodian, and his suggestion was to get a tanker truck (like what they haul gasoline in), fill it up with water, have it blessed, and douse the school with it.  Might work...

My boys went to the high school football game for the Catholic school where most of my 9th grader's friends went.  They had a blast.  I did the slacker parent thing and just dropped them off at the game.  I didn't think I could deal with the couple of hours of teenage noise and the hard bleachers.  Maybe next time I'll go.  Maybe.

I got a bit of good news on Friday.  There is a program in the works for our overage 8th grade students.  That we are six weeks into the school year, and it is not operational yet, is another post, but so typical of the way the school system here does things.  Always reactive.  Never proactive.  Anyway, two of my students have been accepted. and we are trying to count the days until they leave.  I found out on Friday that another of my "breakfast club" (sweathogs) is on the list.  I didn't tell him; don't want him to quit working for me.  Someone picked up their records Friday, so hopefully the move will happen soon.

Friday morning, I went to my younger son's school, St. ABC, to help unload cars in the car rider line, when the new principal stopped me.  "What is going on at XYZ Middle School (where I teach)?" she asked.  "It's pretty bad this year," I admitted.  "We've had three of your fifth grade students request to transfer here in the past week," she replies.  Two of them will start on Monday.  We are losing our "good" students in our effort to  lower our suspension rates and make everything look good on paper. 

The funeral for our murdered student is tomorrow.  Not sure how that will go.  The counselors have encouraged the students to go.  

Went to confession yesterday.  In times like this, it is important to stay close to Jesus, and that is one way for me to do just that.  An effort to remove the things that stand in the way, and a way to be more open to the graces that He sends.  I actually had to WAIT yesterday.  I was there just a little after 3, and there were two people in front of me.  Maybe it was because it was close to First Friday.

Confession is always good, and even though at one time, I thought I would run out of  "stuff" if I went more than once a year, I always have "stuff".  What is also nice, is that my confessor doesn't seem to mind throwing in a little spiritual direction while I'm there, and so sometimes I go with questions, too.

Prayer.  My prayers used to be very structured.  Morning prayer.  Evening prayer.  Lately, though, it is more "whatever".  Sometimes I'll throw in a Rosary.  More, I feel an ever-present awareness of God, but without very disciplined prayer times.  Sometimes I wish someone would hand me a script and say, "this is what and how you need to pray".

Second - and I hesitated with this because I don't want to go and confess others' shortcomings, - there is a certain person who almost always has some snarky comment when I set out to spend some time alone - most often at the adoration chapel - as if I am neglecting my family.  This bothers/angers me, because I know it's not true - it's just a control tactic. 

The good Monsignor jumped on that one first, and said to nip it in the bud. "Time with the Lord is special and we have a right to that time", he said in no uncertain terms..  Don't even acknowledge such comments; don't let them take any of your time or emotion.  Just go.  And the prayer will follow.  Maybe some structure will return.  But things ebb and flow.  "Just keep listening". 

I love this sacrament, and I have a wonderful confessor.  For my penance, I had to meditate on the gospel (the rich man and Lazarus), put myself in the position of the rich man, and identify those who are Lazarus in my life.  He said he could probably guess who would go at the top of the list.

His homily was also related. God loved both Lazarus and the rich man, and they both had "jobs" to do.  Lazarus' job was to be patient in his suffering. The rich man's job was to help tend to some of Lazarus' needs.  This required a love that couldn't be generated on his own, but God gives us His Heart so that we can embrace Him in a mutual love.  His Heart that would generate the kind of love needed to love those who are difficult to love.  It is there for the asking, and love is freely given. Our actions have consequences, he reminded us. 

Lazarus has a face.  Who is Lazarus in YOUR life? 

random scattered bits

Dear husband has been on the road since Saturday.  It is always quieter when he is gone, but he doesn't do so well with travel any more.  He misses the comforts of home.  He forgets that life goes on here even when he is away.  Tonight, one kid had catechism, I had open house at my school, and we had our first night of "adult ed" at church, so I was not sitting at home in the recliner tethered to a laptop able to help him find a hotel room.  But he doesn't "get" that.  And even if I had skipped adult ed, I would have been stuck at open house.  (I showed my face, and then slipped out.)

Went to Mass this morning.  I go because I need to be there.  Not to do something nice for the Lord.  I need it as much as I need food and water.  Maybe more.  The Gospel was about the Roman Centurion (a pagan) who asked Jesus to heal his servant.  He exhibited great faith.  So much so, that at every Mass we say "the Centurion's Prayer".  Does this tidbit from today's Gospel sound familiar:  "Lord...I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof....but say the word and let my servant be healed."  That was a little bit of trivia that I picked up during a daily Mass homily a few years back.  It was kind of cool to "learn" something at Mass that I hadn't known after a lifetime of attending.  And another bit of trivia that I learned from another priest... A fourth grader had asked him, "Father, you know when we say, "Lord I am not worthy.....?"  "Yes."  "Well, Father, what's THE WORD??"  The Word is "Jesus". 

Which just leads so nicely (and unintentionally) into another little tidbit from today.  The Holy Spirit might be blogging with me tonight.  There is a classic devotional book entitled God Calling that my Poor Clare friend gave to me.  It sat on my bookshelf for a couple of years, and recently (maybe with my visit last summer), I dusted it off, and have been reading the meditations.  Today's was just what I needed to hear:

My Name is the Power that turns evil aside, that summons all good to your aid.  Spirits of evil flee at the sound of "Jesus".  Spoken in fear, in weakness, in sorrow, in pain, it is an appeal I never fail to answer.
"Jesus."

Use My Name often.  Think of the unending call of "Mother" made by her children.  To help, to care, to decide, to appeal, "Mother."  Use My Name in that same way - simply, naturally, forcefully.
"Jesus."

Use it not only when you need help but to express Love.  Uttered aloud, or in the silence of your hearts, it will alter an atmosphere from one of discord to one of Love.  It will raise the standard of talk and thought.
"Jesus." 

"There is none other Name under Heaven whereby you can be saved."

Just as God showed me on Thursday, that He "has my back", on Friday, I was reminded that there is still a thorn in my side, a cross to bear at my workplace, and that I do best when I remember that He is there with me in that, too.  The biggest bully at our school is not in eighth grade, but has an office.  This person is so obviously unhappy, that a passing encounter is a reminder to pray.  And yet for whatever reason, I am a target.  I have lots of company in the target department, but that's only small consolation.  My "dilemma" is whether to confront or to just suck it up, offer it up, shut up, and move forward.  Both are possibilities.  Retirement is on the near horizon for this person.  For now, I will just trust that if confrontation is the answer that God will supply the words.  

Which leads me to just one more thing (maybe) that caught my attention today.  This was from Word Among Us posted on my Facebook page:  

The courage that counts with God is that type of courage which our Lord showed in the Garden of Olives:  On the one hand, a natural desire to turn away from suffering; on the other, in the anguish of the soul the willing acceptance of the chalice which his Father had sent him. ~ St. Therese of Lisieux

Maybe one more random, scattered bit?  About three or four years ago at Mass, seated in front of me was a mom with two children about 5 or 6 years old.  They were just awful, poking on the mom in unmentionable places, making noise, wiggling, etc.  I just closed my eyes (so I didn't have to see them) and said a prayer for the poor mom.  I've been almost in her shoes.  My two once managed to stop a homily in mid-stream.  I am pretty sure that the younger of the two children showed up for altar server training yesterday.  She looked so angelic in an alb.  (Mine look angelic, too).  Guess it shows there is always hope!

And on to tomorrow!

wow

"Wow."  That was my friend's whispered repsonse at the end of the homily today.  I had to agree.  Though when we talked about it later, it was hard to define what made it "wow". 

The Gospel itself hooked me.  I think it is one of my favorites, and it is rich.  Luke 6:27-38, in case you missed it.  Can I jog your memory? 

...love your enemies, do good to those who hate you...

...pray for those who mistreat you...

...Do to others as you would have them do to you....

...Even sinners love those who love them....

...expect nothing back...

...Be merciful...

...Stop judging...

...Stop condemning...

...Forgive...

...Give

and gifts will be given to you;

a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing will be poured into your lap.

For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.

That's the "Reader's Digest" version, and as I said I was hooked before the Gospel was over.  Be merciful.  Stop judging.  "Lord, I hear you.  Really." 

But the homily.  Maybe it was because he used the "jackass" word.  As in, "That jackass wants to burn the Q'uran on Saturday, and he's gonna do it in the name of the 'Lawd Jesus'."  He said that the biggest scandal in the church today is not the sexual abuse scandal (as horrible as it is), but the scandal of hatred.  We are not called to hate.  Is it easy to love in the face of hate?  No.  He points to the crucifx and says, "That wasn't easy, either!"  But He gives us the Gift of Himself (in the Eucharist) to help us along the way.  And in the next couple of days [as the anniversary of 9-11 approaches], we will be sorely tempted  to hate, he warned, by the 'Idiot from Hell' (Satan).   

Somehow he worked in the first reading, which he says was to say that we must be sensitive about how what we do appears to other people.  Sometimes without even meaning to, we can give people wrong ideas.  Our lives must stand for something.  And somehow he worked in St. Peter Claver (who's feast was today) who served the least of his brothers in newly arrived slaves from Africa.

In any case, let us take this reminder to pray for our enemies during the next few days.  They are real.  They are out there.  And they hate us.  But we are called to more than that.

Maybe that should be enough to elicit a "wow". 

humilty and wisdom

Yesterday morning, after a long and exhausting week at school, I got into my car to take one dear son to a swimming party.  On the way home - because it would be forbidden to interfere with his diet of classic rock - I switched over to my CD of the Seven Sorrows Rosary.  Tuesday and Friday are the "preferred" days to pray this rosary, but I'd missed them both this week. So Saturday morning found me listening and meditating - although the meditating was somewhat scattered.  One thing that did catch my attention though, was the prayer asking the Blessed Mother to obtain humility and wisdom for those praying the Rosary.  A nice combination, I thought. Both of which I am in constant need of.

I enjoy going to Mass on Saturday afternoons, so yesterday found me there.  And what would the homily be about, but humility and wisdom?  Humility is openness to the Truth, Father says.  And Wisdom is the ability to see and accept that Truth.  (I've also heard "wisdom" defined as "seeing things as God sees them.")  In any case, Father says that we all have a "no compromise" point.  The "I will follow Jesus until He asks for _______" or "I will follow Jesus as long as I don't have to ____________."  But Jesus does not leave us where we are, so He asks us to give those "no compromise points" to Him.  He says that we have these points either because of stubbornness or fear.  "Lord, I'm just this way, and I'm NOT changing." That would be stubbornness.  Or, "Lord, I'd like to let that go, but I'm afraid of what would happen if I do."  I do think I see myself in both of those scenarios. 

And so we go.  Life goes on.  I will enjoy the extra day of vacation this week.  The weather is cooler the past few days - hanging out in the 80's instead of the 90's.  Trying (not very successfully) to get more sleep.  And hoping that all things together will result in me being less tired and able to still function in the evenings. 

Lord, grant me humility and wisdom.

Editing to add:  The "bottom line" of the homily:  The cost of following Jesus is nothing less than everything.  

the narrow gate

A few assorted tidbits from the past week or so...

Faith leads to surrender.  Surrender leads to love.

Human rights come from God, not government.

God wants us to open our hearts to Him.

We are called to "Go out to all the world and tell the Good News." (Psalm 117)

Last Thursday, the First Reading at Mass was from Ezekiel 36: 22-28.  It started off:  Thus says the LORD:  I will prove the holiness of my great name, profaned among the nations, in whose midst you have profaned it.    Father says that the ancient Israelites were profaning God's name by their actions.  The question for us today:  Do we give God a good name by the way we act, or do we give God a bad name?  Honestly, I'd have to say that it varies sometimes in my life.

You try to do what is right, but sometimes the evil and the profane just sneaks in.  I have a new co-worker this year.  Actually I have several new ones, but one who teaches the same group of kids that I teach.  This is just an odd little person.  As in, I can't imagine that we would ever have much in common, someone who hasn't really tried to reach out or be included, someone who is just a little strange.  Or maybe a lot.  Someone who is going to be an endless source of aggravation and conversation.  I was feeling just a little bit bad about it.  A little bit like the mean kid on the playground.  Darn conscience. 

Confession was already on the agenda for the weekend.  Sometimes when I prepare (I can never just show up at church and "wing it", like my teenagers like to do)  I come up with "the list" and other times there are just a few general things that I know need to improve.  I don't know ahead of time what's going to present itself - the list or the top 3, but this weekend was a "top 3".

I wonder why gossip and work must go hand in hand?  Not once all summer, was that even an issue.  But as soon as school starts... it's as if you can't even have one conversation without it being about someone else.  And then there was the issue of my new co-worker.  I laid it all out there - my attitudes and their weirdness and asked for some perspective from my confessor.  (And there are some legitimate specific concerns that I won't put out here for the whole world, but trust me...) 

I know the Holy Spirit speaks through this man.  "Karen," he says.  "Think back to last week....do you remember the question from the homily...I think it was Thursday...'do we give God a good name..?'"  I nod.  "Our lives must stand for something....there are no easy answers or quick fixes...but we are called to live so that others can see God's love in us....we bring Him to the world out there....God would not have put this situation in front of you, if He didn't also give you the grace to get through it."  I know all of this.  There is nothing new here.  He is an excellent homilist, and I listen - really.  But sometimes it is helpful to be reminded in context.  My penance fit perfectly - offering something as a sacrifice for this person.

For a long time I avoided confession.  Then I had a love-hate relationship with it.  But now I have a great appreciation of the sacrament.  Maybe that is why I write about it.  I know a lot of people in real life who haven't been to confession in a looooonnnng time, who think they don't need it, or who are just really uncomfortable with it.  But it is such a gift to us.  Yes, there is some humility and honesty involved; sometimes it's a little painful when pride takes a hit.  Some nervousness, but it usually passes.  Don't be afraid!

Several years ago, I knew I needed  to go.  It had been a long time, and I had a short list of serious things. (Not that I was an occasional sinner, but I just did the same few things over and over and over.  So short list + serious sins + long time  = need to go.)  One of the things that helped me greatly to find the courage to go was to read the experiences of others and see that they had, indeed, been to confession and lived to tell about it, and that overwhelmingly their experiences had been good ones.  And so that is why I share my stories, in the hopes that one person will find the courage to make their way to the confessional and be reconciled with a God who loves to forgive.  You go, and not only do you live to tell about your experience, you are filled with New Life!  A pretty awesome exchange:  humility + honesty + sins = forgiveness + grace + new life. 

The title for this post comes from last Sunday's gospel, "Strive to enter through the narrow gate...."  (Luke 13:22-30)  I read a book several years ago that pointed out that the narrowest door in many churches is the door to the confessional.  So, when I hear that scripture passage, that image always pops into my head.  Your mileage may vary.  :-)

comfort zones

I'm wiping out the original entry and starting over....trying to see if I can get the formatting right. 

Yesterday, I was sitting in the chapel during Evening Prayer.  It was the Feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.  Maybe that plays a role in the story, maybe not.  As I was sitting there, I was profoundly aware that Jesus had given me a gift during the retreat I went on a month ago, and that the gift was His Mother.  I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out.  Maybe it was obvious to everyone but me, but Jesus gave me His Mom.  I know that He gave her to all of us as His last act before He drew His final breath, but I haven't been willing/able to open myself to that gift.  I didn't think I needed it.  An awesome gift, isn't it?

I saw this on Immaculee's Facebook page a week or so ago.  (Yeah, this is gonna be one of those ADD posts that goes everywhere - or nowhere. 

I realize that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand.  He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it.  He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready, He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us....but it's up to us to do the walking.

Right now I can sense that I am in a pretty good spot.  I know I'm on the path and the walking is pretty easy.  It's nice to have times like this, because sometimes the path seems to be all uphill in the snow.  Barefoot.

I didn't make it to the chapel much today.  Morning Prayer, Mass, and Evening Prayer.  It seems hottest for Mass at 7:15.  I visited a good bit with my friend, and we talked about (among many other things) how God continually calls us out of our comfort zone and invites us - key word - INVITES - to draw closer to Him.

For me, the most obvious example of being drawn out of my comfort zone has been my experience with the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  At some point, I had to admit that once every ten years wasn't cutting it.   God was inviting me to Him more often, and I finally accepted.  So it became once every year or two during the Advent Penance service.  Safety in numbers there, you know.  Lent would come along a few months later, but I had *just* been, so we'd skip that one. 

Then one of my offspring asked why we only went once a year.  God was inviting us to come to Him more often with our faults and failures and struggles.  So we began to visit him every three months or so during that Saturday afternoon confession time.  That was a big stretch out of my comfort zone!  I didn't know how the lights on the confessional worked (did you know that one red light means GO?  and two red lights mean STOP?) and I just KNEW everyone was looking at us.  The Sinner Family. 

Then He invited me to stop in more often - without the kids sometimes.  He told me that I could come before morning Mass at 6:15 a.m.  Another little step out of the familiar.  How can anyone confess at that hour??  But I did , and it has been a grace.

Once again, I am being drawn out of my comfort zone by an invitation of Jesus - down another path. 

But I digress.  This afternoon, I felt God inviting me to take a nap, and that was right in my comfort zone, and so I did!

Yesterday, I mentioned about words jumping out at me.  Today it happened almost literally.

I was sitting in the recliner to pray the Rosary.  I am still pretty new to the whole Rosary thing.  I said it as a kid with the lady across the street, but that was a lot of years ago (and mostly so we could get the cookies and kool-aid that we got when we were finished).  I had a Rosary booklet that I had brought with me, but after looking everywhere I could not find it.  So I settled down with a different book that had scriptural references for the mysteries.  Looking for anything to help with the meditative part of the rosary, I pulled a Bible off the shelf to look up the scriptural references.

The Bible fell open to a card with Bible verses written in my handwriting!  Still there from my visit over a year ago.  This is what "jumped" out at me today:

I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more.  ~Jer 31:33-34

I was working on homework for a Bible Study class last time I was here, and I found (and still find) ...I will be their God, and they shall be my people.... such a comforting image and promise.  He is our God.  Are we His people?  Are we willing to follow Him on the path that He places us on?  Even when it leads out of our comfort zone?

say only the good

"Say only the good that needs to be said" was part of the advice I got in confession last time I went.  It was my mantra today.

Say only the good that needs to be said.
Say only the good that needs to be said.
Say only the good that needs to be said..

Because there was a lot of other stuff begging to be said. 

I wasn't at school ten minutes today, when I was told that one of our administrators needed to see me and a co-worker.  I hadn't had time to get in trouble yet!  I didn't think any of "our kids" were in trouble yet.  (Some of them have been just staying home - enjoying an early start to summer...)  So I found out - through the grape vine because I couldn't find the person who wanted to see me - that my co-worker and I were to abandon our classes for the day to take over an 8th grade class that didn't have a sub.  I don't know why our students are less valuable than others - or why we were the only two teachers who were chosen for this honor.  It's not like we don't have a zillion and one things to do in our own rooms.  There are deadlines, you know.  I was almost speechless that this would be expected of us. 

Turned out a sub did show up.  And I repeated my mantra - along with "I have the right to remain silent..." 

Father had told me that it was St. Paul that said this, so with the help of Google, I found the source.  No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edifcation, that it may impart grace to those who hear.  Ephesians 4:29  Another translation - closer to my mantra says:  Never let evil talk pass your lips; say only the good things men need to hear, things that will really help them.

I did get some things done today.  My students watched "Glory Road".  I'm sure that relates to math some kind of way.  I got some things done for Honors Night - found the program on my jump drive, found someone to make the flower arrangement for the awards table, delegated someone to track down table cloths and punch bowl and cake cutters, and TRIED to get people to turn in the awards they need.  I sent an email this afternoon, and I'm ordering tomorrow - ready or not. 

I ordered 1000 freshly baked 8" sliced po-boy buns. 

I completed some progress reports.  Filled out some paperwork on some of my students.  Finished 3 or 4 of the infamous blue historical folders.  I'm about half way now.

Tomorrow is another day.  Say only the good that needs to be said...

One more Monday!

heaven 101

Back to the mission that SIL and I went to a few weeks ago.  I shared some thoughts  here.  Before we get too far removed, here are some more.  In no particular order...

Two "foundational graces" that we should ask God for (at the start of Mass, for instance) are the Grace of Openness and the Grace of Being in the Present Moment (not preoccupied with other concerns and issues).

Conversion is something that is ongoing in our lives.

A saint is someone who lets God love them as they are.  Saints know where the power comes from.  (It comes from God, and it comes from letting God see us and love us as we are.)

When we get to Heaven, there will not be a class to enroll in to teach us what we need to do in heaven.  We are enrolled in "Heaven 101" right now!

Our core identity is that we are a beloved son or daughter of God - before all else.

The Voice of Love is the only voice that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

The doorknob to the heart is on the inside.  God knocks, but only we can open the door.  But if we crack open the door just a little bit, the Holy Spirit sticks his foot inside...

The second night centered on the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Some of his talk was practical advice:

He gave the example of what not to do:  

Bless me Father, it's been 30 years since my last confession.

("We might have been deep in prayer or taking a nap when you came in," Father says,  "but believe me, when we hear '30 years', you have our FULL attention."  The angels in heaven are on the edge of their seats getting the party preparations underway...)

Ummm... I think I took some pencils from work.  And I think we might have missed Mass once about 5 years ago when we went to Gulf Shores for the weekend.  I think.  

Well, that's about it..... 

NOT! 


Unfortunately, our society has lost it's sense of sin. Nothing is a sin any more. 

"NAME THE PAIN" he says.  Pain is NOT the enemy - even though our society teaches us that. It can be an ally. When you are going to confession - NAME THE PAIN.  Be specific about what "hurts" in your life.  You are speaking to the Divine Physician. Just like the doctor can't help you, if you don't tell him what's wrong; neither can the priest help you if you don't show him the wound.

This is what leads to conversion.  And (see above), conversion should be on-going in our lives.  God loves us too much to leave us where we are.,

He also included some meditations on courage, since confession/penance/reconciliation, by it's very nature requires some courage.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point."  (C.S. Lewis)
  This means that every virtue requires courage when we are tested or tempted.

"Deliver me Lord, from the cowardice that does what is not demanded in order to escape the sacrifice that is!"  (Thomas Merton)     Meaning:  Taking advantage of the Sacrament of Reconciliation may well be the "sacrifice that is demanded" from you this Lent.  Once you make up your mind to go, there will be many other things placed in your way by the evil one.  Cleaning your garage would be the sacrifice that is not demanded.  (Can't go to confession....gotta clean the garage...)

"...many remain at the foot of the mount who could ascend to the top...I repeat and ask that you always have courageous thoughts.  As a result of them the Lord will give you grace for courageous deeds."  (St. Theresa of Avila)    Meaning:  It is a tough road to the top of the mountain to the foot of the cross.  Going around the mountain are two interstate highways....much easier to take them than to struggle up the narrow, steep hill.)

May something here be useful to you!

the hole in the sidewalk

Can you stand more "religious" stuff?  Sorry, it's Lent.  That's where I'm at. 

Sister-in-law and I have spent the last two evenings at a Lenten mission at a parish not too far away given by a local priest.  I walked away last night thinking I had heard most of what he had to say before.  (Last spring I attended a day of recollection that he gave, and sometimes I go to daily Mass at his parish, so he wasn't an unfamiliar face.)  Tonight, he reviewed, and I realized how much he had covered last night, and took notes tonight. There are probably easily several posts in the things he shared tonight. 

God loves us as we are, where we are.  But He loves us too much to leave us there. 

So tonight was about change.  About confession and conversion.  Because the "Catholic flaw" is celebrating the sacraments over and over again without conversion.  That ho-hum attitude.

One avenue to change and conversion involves the "AAA plan".....Awareness, Acknowledgment, and Acceptance. 

To illustrate this, he used "An Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters" by Porsche Nelson.  It is short, and worth sharing here.

Chapter 1:  I walk down the street and there’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find my way out.

Chapter 2:  I walk down the same street and there’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe that I’m in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3:  I walk down the same street there’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see that it is there. I still fall in.  It’s a habit.  My eyes are open. I know it’s my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4:  I walk down the same street there’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5:  I walk down another street.

consumed

From this morning's homily at Mass.  (and don't ask me how it ties in with the readings exactly, though I may take a stab at that later).

In the Italian Mediterranean there is a species of jellyfish that consumes a certain kind of snail.  However, the jellyfish's digestive system can not digest the snail's shell.  So..... when the jellyfish consumes the snail, the snail attaches to the inner lining of the jellyfish.  (Do jellyfish have stomachs?)  As the snail grows, it consumes the jellyfish.  By the time it is fully grown, the jellyfish has been completely consumed.  How's that for payback?  The consumed becomes the consumer and the consumer becomes the consumed.

So switching gears...we consume the Eucharist at Mass - the Real Presence of Jesus.  Does He attach Himself to our stomach lining?  No, but He does attach Himself to our hearts, our souls, our being, if we are open to Him.  We can be consumed with love for Him because of his Love for us.  The consumer becomes consumed. 

And the tie-in is this, I think.  This was the story of the rich man in Luke, who totally ignored the poor, sore-covered Lazarus who was at his door.  The rich man ended up in torment in the netherworld, while Lazarus went off to better things.  The rich man was consumed with things of this world.

What are we consumed by?  What are we dining on?