merciful like the father

The Jubilee Year of Mercy began in late 2015 and continues through late 2016.  Around the world, various sites have been declared Pilgrimage Sites and the faithful may obtain indulgences by visiting there and fulfilling certain conditions.  Without getting into all kinds of nitty gritty theology, if you want to know more, you can look up Fr. Champagne's "Mercy Minutes" on Facebook's Fete Dieu du Teche page or use Google.  I was kind of surprised to find out several years ago that indulgences are still around - after all the drama their abuse caused in the Middle Ages  -  but they are.

Entering through the Holy Doors can symbolize entering into Christ.  So, inspired by a friend who undertaken a similar local pilgrimage earlier this summer, I asked a group of Boy Scout mom friends if they would join me.  Our boys have grown up and gone down different paths, but we still enjoy each other's company.  One was busy, but the other two agreed.

We began our day at our local Cathedral.  As we arrived, we noticed other cars in the parking lot, and realized that today was the day that our diocese was ordaining 3 new priests.  People had already started to gather.  We located the stamp and ink pad to stamp the back of our booklet and then slipped into a pew near the back to pray.

Having received Your Mercy and forgiveness, we seek to pray for Your Mercy for others.  We lit our brothers and sisters up to You to be blessed and forgiven.  We call upon your Sacred Heart to fill them with Your boundless compassion.  We ask you to listen to their prayers, to inspire their hearts, to comfort their fears.  Assure them of Your love as we remember them to You. 

As we were leaving, I encountered a former co-worker from many years ago.She was there for the ordination...she had graduated with one of the men being ordained.  I remember long ago - maybe 15 years or more - a priest asking for prayers for this particular seminarian, who had just been diagnosed with leukemia.  She told me that he had not only fought leukemia, but had also lost both of his parents and had a heart transplant due the side effects of chemo.  Now in his 40's, God had continued to call him into His merciful heart.  His story in this video:  

 

For those who have sinned against others by selfishness or greed - who have become blinded by self-interest and allowed others to pay the price of their selfishness. 

We continued on to our next stop - Our Lady of Mercy.  We parked in the shade and entered the dimly lit church.  We located the stamp in the back, stamped our booklets, and knelt down to pray. 

For those who have sinned against others by prejudice and discrimination - who cling to graven images rather than bow before the dignity of  others.

After a few minutes there, we headed off to a Shrine to the Sacred Heart.  It was a good distance out of the way, but worth the trip.  None of us had ever been there before.  Probably none of us even knew of its existence.  

The miles passed and the conversation flowed.  Google Maps led the way.  To the middle of nowhere, it seemed.  

We located the Shrine easily enough. We opened the car door and a million a swarm of mosquitoes invaded the car.  But they weren't too hungry and left easily enough later on.  Our first priority was restroom facilities, and [mercifully] this location had them.  

We wandered around the outside of the Shrine.  It was so peaceful, with the sounds of nature.  There were outdoor Stations of the Cross, a basketball goal with a ball sitting....waiting.  The Blessed Mother, too, seemed to be waiting, inviting those who were burdened to come, sit, and reflect, so that she could lead them to her Son and His mercy.  Maybe it would be a nice retreat venue. 

We entered another Holy Door, signed in, stamped our books and knelt to pray.  

For those who have sinned against You, Lord by disrespecting Your creation: who regard Your precious gift as something to be exploited or destroyed.

The Shrine was built in the early 1980's.  It was the result of a dream that the priest assigned to the nearby church had while on retreat.  So many things fell into place for him to literally make the dream come true.  

The statue of the Sacred Heart had been offered to him by his physician.  The doctor's family had sold to the state a local hospital they had owned, and as such couldn't have a statue of the Sacred Heart in a publicly owned hospital.  The stained glass windows were offered to him by someone who had them in their shed.  They depicted Canadian martyrs and ironically the priest was Canadian.  The windows were over 200 years old.  

We lit candles at this location, but nearly all of the places we visited had candles. The lit candle symbolizes a way of extending prayers.  

We de-mosquitoe'd the car and continued our trek - back the way we had come to our next destination...an outdoor grotto to Our Lady of Lourdes.  

This location was a little harder to find.  We arrived at the church, but there was serious construction going on nearby.  Just as we were about to set out on foot to find the grotto, an angel of mercy in an SUV drove into the parking lot and pointed us towards the right direction.  She even showed us where to park and told us where to find the stamp for our booklets.  

Built by a husband in memory of his wife who had passed away from ALS in 2003, the brochure noted that they had faithfully prayed the Rosary every night and had received "innumerable graces". God's mercy.  The path had a marker for each of the 20 decades of the Rosary. 

We noted that it might be a quiet place to return to for prayer.  Maybe when it is cooler.  Note to self: October is the month of the Rosary, and it is cooler then.  

Soybean ? fields nearby.  It was quiet and peaceful.  We returned to the church parking lot since the stamp for the booklets was located inside the church. 

We prayed for a bit in the quiet coolness.  Maybe we gave thanks for God's merciful love in our lives and the lives of those close to us or maybe we prayed for good health or asked him to draw close to Him those who are wandering or any number of other things. 

For those who have sinned against You, Lord by offering the lives of others:  who see the human life as useless or expendable.  

We were starting to feel hungry, so we headed on towards our predetermined lunch destination. 

It was a fairly leisurely, delicious meal.  I'm pretty sure there wasn't a morsel of food left on any of our plates.  We split a slice of salted caramel cheesecake three ways.  Pure awesomeness!  Maybe we were merciful to our server when we left a tip.  

There had been a downpour while we ate lunch, and we stepped back out into the steamy summer day and headed for our next stop.  Another Our Lady of Mercy.  

We parked and entered through the doors.  We stamped our books, surveyed our surroundings and knelt to pray.  Maybe we said a prayer for those in our families who have passed away or for those in the world without enough to eat or for those who are struggling with their vocations in life.  

For those who have sinned against themselves by surrendering their truest identity:  who surrender their authentic self as Your child to the lure of addictions or the expectations of the world.

There is a Vietnamese community in this area.  Their heritage was recognized in one of the stained glass windows.  

There was also an icon of St. Maximilian Kolbe that was unlike anything I'd seen before.  

We journeyed on through sugarcane fields and beautiful oak trees to the oldest church parish in our area.  

They celebrated 250 years last year.  The current church building was built in 1836.    

It was after 3:00 and the 4:00 Mass crowd was starting to assemble.  We parked across the street and approached.  

We followed an older couple who were both walking with canes.  They, too, were on a pilgrimage. They had started at a church much further south and were making their second stop of the day.  An usher held the door open for us and welcomed us.  

We entered, stamped our books and looked around a bit.  There were quite a few things that caught our attention.  The pews still have doors on the ends, as they did in colonial days.  

There was a grotto on one side.  It was constructed by a freed slave in the late 1870's. The Stations of the Cross were massive and came from France in 1904. 

We settled into a pew for a bit and prayed as people arrived for Mass.  

For those who have sinned against themselves by tuning from freedom:  who choose to accept the bondages of sin, resentment, despair and rage by refusing Your invitation to Mercy. 

There was one more stop that we hoped to make on our journey and the hour was getting late.  We headed out.  Rain threatened.

We arrived at our final destination with 10 minutes to spare, but found that it had closed early due to the threatening weather.  A little disappointed, maybe, but it is local to us, so we can go another day.  All in all, a peaceful, relaxing day with a good mix of conversation and friendship, quiet and prayer. Time to be grateful for God's great mercy towards us and contemplate ways that we might be merciful like the Father.   

Merciful Father, You leave the ninety-nine in desperate search of the one.  You place the lost on Your own shoulders to secret away to greener pastures.  You kill the fatted calf to rejoice with the found. There is no limit to Your Mercy.  Your embrace leaves us breathless and forgiven.  Teach us to be instruments of Your Mercy in this Jubilee Year of Mercy.  

From Prayer of Pilgrims of Mercy

Diocese of Lafayette  

fragments

A couple of weeks ago, Divine Mercy Sunday, I think, we read the Gospel account of Thomas basically saying to Jesus, "Prove it!"  And Jesus did.  He took the fragments that Thomas gave Him - the fears, the doubts - accepted them, blessed them, and then gave them back to Thomas - as His Presence.  That is what happens at every Mass.  God accepts the imperfect things we offer Him - the bread, the wine, our issues, our doubts and fears.  He blesses them, makes them holy, and then gives them back to us as His Presence.

That image of fragments has stuck with me.  I look at the fragments that make up my life.  There is school at this time of the year.  Not enough days to get all of the work done that is there.  I have thoughts of taking off a day, so that I can go to school and work.  That's messed up!  Already, I bring things home.  Mindless paperwork that matters to no one but the higher ups.

Family is another "fragment".  The kids are involved with Boy Scouts, and that requires my time at this time of the year.  One is in the beginning stages of his Eagle project, and all three of us are selling tickets every weekend for their fundraiser.

At times I am concerned about where my kids are headed spiritually.  At times, going to Mass seems to be something to be resented.   But in the last couple of weeks, both of them - at separate times - have expressed an interest in being part of our parish's next Bible study. 

Fragments to offer to the Lord, so He can perfect them in His perfect way.

In the world of anxiety, things have been better.  Once I noticed that something was a little "off", but then he told me that he had taken the wrong pill.  But then the doctor called one day last week.  The anti-depressant can't be taken with the anti-inflammatory medicine that he takes for his arthritis.  As a matter of fact, no anti-depressant can be taken with it.

This was not exactly good news for me.  I have enjoyed  not hearing the crunching of egg shells when I walk.  Not having to figure out the rules of a game that makes perfect sense to him, but none to me. 

My thought is that the anti-inflammatory needs to be changed to something that is compatible with anti-depressants.  But I'm not sure that will happen.  He doesn't see the problem. 

Another fragment that I have to offer to the Lord.

On a different tack, our school system is celebrating the rest of spring break with a 4-day weekend right now.  We usually have a week off for Easter, but this year Easter was inconveniently located right before our statewide testing.  So we had three days off for Easter, and two days now.

I am taking full advantage of the break.  I made it a double-sacrament day this morning.  A great way to start the day!  And then home for coffee on the patio before heading out to an overdue mammogram, an overdue haircut, and a meeting concerning #1 son's Eagle project.  Home for a little house-cleaning. 

This evening my oldest is hosting a g-i-r-l visitor.  She is someone we know from years ago, and they appear to be having a good time "socializing".  My, how time has flown!  Another fragment....

[Flower pictures from my yard.  I planted the Easter Lilies, but I've enjoyed seeing the ones that others planted bloom in turn.] 

mercy

"The heart of God is mercy."  I have heard that so many times from my pastor in various homilies.  And true, it is. 

This weekend, the Church celebrates the Feast of Divine Mercy.  Pope John Paul II decreed in 2000 that the second Sunday of Easter would be known as Divine Mercy Sunday from then on.  The readings fit perfectly.  "Peace be with you....Whose sins you forgive are forgiven..." we hear in the Gospel. 

Several years ago, I set about reading St. Faustina's diary, and made it about half way through before my attention wandered to other things.  It was soo reassuring to us sinners, though, about the Lord's desire to forgive, to offer us mercy, for whatever it is that holds us bound.  In recent years, I have frequently taken Him up on his offer of mercy.  God's mercy - what a gift!  

Last Advent, I had the privilege of accompanying a friend to confession for the first time in 30-some-odd years.  In the months since then, we have spoken often of the experience.  First of all, it was not as "bad" as she expected.  She expected that she would be fussed at or "given the third degree", but that is not at all what waited for her.  "He just listened."  Mercy - just like Jesus.  Secondly, she was so glad just to have it done, that she didn't instantly experience great relief.  She said she felt lighter, but the full experience didn't really hit her until Christmas.  Then she received Holy Communion for the first time in nearly 40 years.  She who had told me years before that "it was all the same...just a symbol."   She said when she returned to her place, she could feel the warmth flowing through her body...tingling.  "I know you probably think I'm crazy," she tells me.  But I don't.  I have at times - had similar experiences - in front of the Tabernacle or during the Eucharistic Procession on Holy Thursday.  God's Mercy.

Now I watch as she seems to be slowly taking steps to remedy a personal situation that has needed attention for a long time.  It is like the paralysis has been lifted.  She has an idea of what direction she wants to go in, and is starting to do concrete things to make it happen, rather than just talking about it.  "My life isn't perfect," she says, "but I feel at peace."  It is neat to watch how the non-religious parts of life have fallen into place when the spiritual was taken care of.  "May God give you pardon and PEACE" are words found in the prayer of absolution.  Sometimes I wonder how much better the whole world would be if we Catholics utilized our wonderful sacrament of Mercy more often. 

On a somewhat related tack, I usually ignore the "forward this email and you will receive 187 days of good luck" or whatever, but more than once, I have received an email with the Divine Mercy image (seen above) and then some rubbish about an angel being sent to me (referring to the Divine Mercy image of Jesus) and how SHE would do this or that.  I had to educate the sender on those occasions! 

And on a totally unrelated tangent, my priest took a little time off this week (Lord, please do not let me die during Holy Week or the week after...), so I took the opportunity to attend Mass at churches not my own.  On Monday, I went to one close to my house, since I did not have school.  On Tuesday, I went to the one near my school where the pollen from all the Easter flowers was quite oppressive.  On Wednesday,it is hard to find a morning Mass, so I just went and sat amongst the pollen grains.  Thursday, I went to the chapel at the Carmelite Monastery near my house.  They had incense at a daily Mass!  Friday I went to the Cathedral.  All wonderful! 

Back to my original topic - Mercy.  Receive God's mercy in the Sacrament of Reconciliation - especially if it's been a while.  And BE Mercy.  Don't forget to show mercy to your fellow travelers on the journey. 

entering into holy week

And trying to keep it holy!

But first a shout out to the HHS Mandate to wish it a very happy feast day... being that it's April 1 today. 

It has been a Lent.  I think it's mostly been good.  The good Father said the other day that the mark of a "good, holy Lent" is how much we allow it to change us after Easter. 

Though things are crazy to the infinite power at school, things have gone fairly well with my fifth graders.  There is just so much stress...you can feel it in the air...in the energy level and the defiance of the kids.  And I can feel it in my chest.  It has been like this since we had the day off for a potential flood a couple of weeks ago.  Just kind of unholy. 

Things at home are still in a state of flux.  A visit to the doctor and a prescription, which is being taken.  Discussions.  Things have been fairly calm.  Still he does not understand me, I think.  We used to be in the same place spiritually, but that has changed.  That change bothers him greatly.

And I struggle very much to understand him.  So much of it just seems irrational to me.  A mundane example to illustrate:  We were riding together to pick up his truck, when I needed gas.  We stopped at a Truck Stop and there was one pump open on the far end.  I drove around in front of the pumps and pulled in facing the road.  For the life of him, he could not understand why I did that, and I could not understand what on earth he was talking about when he wanted me to "drive down there and spin around".  And why does it really matter?  In the end, we had a nice drive and a decent conversation. 

I have met a few Simon's on my journey.  Those who have been there, done that.  One of my church lady friends.  I was going in the other day to pray at the same time that she was leaving Mass.  I ended up walking out with her, and we talked for several minutes.  God was in the parking lot that day.  She says, "I just couldn't understand why people couldn't do things the way I wanted them to.  Life would have been so much easier!" 

My red-headed co-worker from last year...  She calls me periodically, and I always love to hear from her.  I miss her so much this year.  Usually, she talks and I listen.  Last week, I was on my way to a track meet 30 or 40 minutes away, when she called and we talked the whole way.  I didn't wreck. She told me things I hadn't heard before.  "Walking on eggshells" seems to be a common expression. 

I went to Stations of the Cross on Friday.   Normally, I like this devotion, but often find myself very distracted.  Not sure if it is because it is on a Friday afternoon at the end of a long week or what.  But the last few times, I have discovered that if I close my eyes while the priest is reading and just listen, the scene forms in my mind's eye, and I "hear" so much more.  I can identify with Jesus being misunderstood, enduring things that were not his fault, the sadness, the heavy heart.  The temptation to go the way of the world, to wonder which is the way.  It was very good.

A side note...is anyone listening to and loving the prayers from the Mass...the opening prayer, the prayer after comuunion...and loving them?  I love the new translation - the language is rich!

I have spent a lot of time wondering if that self-giving love we hear so much about involves giving up things that we enjoy (like Mass or Stations of the Cross) when the one we love does not care for these things.  After a while, you doubt yourself, and the evil one is the master of doubt and confusion.  I went to confession yesterday because I was scheduled to serve today and because I very clearly felt like I needed that spiritual "bath" before Easter.  We didn't talk long, but with no hesitation, he told me the answer to that doubt was "NO!"  He is so good at making things clear.  And looking back, the Lord has given me other signs that I am on the right path.  Those divine "thumbs-ups" that come every so often. 

Today has been a lazy, somewhat melancholy day.  I got a text from my sister-in-law this morning that "Mammy" (her mother-in-law) had died in her sleep last night.  She hadn't been sick, so this was sudden...not expected.  She was a Kentucky fan, though, and apparently Kentucky played quite well in a basketball game last night!  I knew her from joint holiday and birthday celebrations, and she was a kind and gentle soul who will be missed.  Prayers for her soul and those left behind.

last week

I did not set out to take a blog break last week, but I did.  Fitting, perhaps, since I was out of school!  (Here, we still have EASTER vacation, although some of the politically correct schmucks have taken to calling it "Spring Break".)

This past week:  

I attended Mass with my friends at the Library Chapel of the burned down church down the road.  They recently broke ground on their rebuilding, but I don't think any actual rebuilding has occurred.

They were my Mass choice this week because my own pastor took some time off!

Planted some cantaloupe, watermelon and more strawberries in my garden.

I bought my boys a straight iron.  

Or is it a flat iron?  

In any case, he discovered (courtesy of his friend's 16 year old cousin) that it helped to tame this:

Looked at houses.

Bought a plane ticket to Philadelphia for the summer.

$$ Ouch! $$
But worth it to see my BFF and enjoy some peace!

Helped change the missalettes at church.

Helped my Granddad celebrate his 95th birthday!

That's him in the green shirt.

He looks good for 95, no?

Signed a contract to purchase a house!!!!

It is beautiful!  I never dreamed I would live in something this nice!

And it's surely not what I planned on doing this week!

But things came together nicely, and so far so good.

Inspections and financing stand in the way, but neither should be an issue.

(Pictures to follow when it's really, really for real!)

 And, no, it's not the property that we were praying about a month ago.

Prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet with my Ad Altare Dei group of Boy Scouts.

I don't think any of them (or my co-counselor) had ever prayed it before.

~*~*~*~*~

What I did NOT do this week:

Score the stacks of progress monitoring that I brought home to deal with.

Cut the grass.

Hang out with friends.

Wake up to watch the Royal Wedding.

Care enough to see it in the zillions of replays later in the day.

See Soul Surfer.

Buy clothes.

Win the lottery!

Iron my pants for school on Monday.

Which I really should!

Just gotta say...before I go.... EIGHTEEN more days of school!!  But I'm not counting or anything!

fount of mercy

Well, I don't imagine the fount of mercy is frozen.  It's a living fount, after all.  But I couldn't resist using this picture.  Had to tie it in somehow.  ;-)

I drove by this Saturday morning (after all the ice elsewhere had pretty much thawed) and thought it was beautiful..  But I didn't have my camera.  Drove back by an hour later and it was still there.  Melting, but there.  I was back in a few minutes with my camera.

And the fount of mercy...I did find my way to that, too.  It's in the back corner of our church.  Three doors.  Your church probably has something similar.  If you've read this blog for any length of time, you might recall that there is a thorn for me at work.  Lately, I try to avoid any interaction, and it makes life bearable for the most part.  But that's not always possible.  One of the things that I realized Friday afternoon in the darkness of the church was that I rarely - maybe never - give this person the benefit of the doubt in any situation.  I always assume less than honorable - evil - motives.  It was so easy to see that in the darkness; asking Jesus to be my light.  And so my penance fits.  A prayer of action, he said.  Self-denial of some sort for a day, offered for that person.  I get that penance from time to time, and generally it has good results. A little in our hands is something great in God's hands.

It didn't take long, though, before the Evil One had found another stumbling block to throw in my path.  If you've been around here for a while, you know that I love daily Mass.  If it's possible for me to go, I'll be there.  It's not a penance.  It's not a sacrifice.  It's a JOY!  You will also know that I am fond of my pastor. He is a gem!  Holy.  Reverent.  He says 4 Masses during the week, 3 on weekends at our Parish.  He says Mass at a monastery another day.  He is Chancellor of our Catholic school, and says Masses there a couple of times a month.  He has important duties at the diocese.  He ministers to the homebound.  There are funerals, baptisms, weddings.  Confessions before daily Mass and on Saturdays.  He facilitates adult education opportunities.  He is the only priest and there is no deacon at our parish. If it's happening, it's because he is there.  It makes me tired just to look at the list.

When I picked up a bulletin after Mass, I saw that Mass on President's Day is canceled.  It disappoints me, and I really struggle to be charitable here.  Only Satan - who knows where to strike us-  can take things that are essentially good - a love of daily Mass, and fondness for our priest, a man who is very busy about the Lord's business, but needs a day here and there to recharge and distort it into something ugly - disappointment, uncharitable musings.  Seriously?  Canceling Mass for President's Day?  I need to work on my reaction here.  Just being honest.

And so the struggle continues.

Lord, it is not the fount of mercy that is frozen, but our hearts,.  Melt them with the warmth of your love.  And Lord, send us priests.  Give those whom you call, the grace to hear and to answer your call.        ~Amen.

a few more thoughts on the gospel

More thoughts on today's Gospel... When the good Monsignor reads it, it is with such expression - you almost feel like you are there. What's running through my head, as he reads....

Jesus addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.  Is that me?  Sometimes I think I'm doing a pretty good job of things...I don't despise everyone else... but I know some people who seem to despise most other people... but I don't...does that make me righteous...like the Pharisee?   

"Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The religiously devout and the outcast.  Which am I?  I go to Mass.  I pray. Am I like the Pharisee?

"The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this pray to himself (so really, he's just talking to himself?), 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity -- greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector.  Yeah, sometimes my 'prayers' sound a little like that, if I'm honest.  I do the right thing most of the time, Lord.    And I've heard from others so many times, "Well, at least I don't cheat on my wife, I don't steal, and I haven't killed anyone.  Some people  __________.  At least I never did/don't do that!  I'm basically a good person.  I don't know why I need to go to confession when the priest is a sinner, too."

I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.'  Yep, nailed me there.  I go to Mass nearly every day.  I say the Rosary.  I support the church.  I help other people.  I schedule the altar servers.  I don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent.  I'm a Eucharistic Minister (to be).  I'm doing pretty darn good, aren't I Lord?  Better than a lot of people....

But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed,  'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'  Whoa - how often does that happen in my life?  On occasion, to be sure.  There have been times, when I catch a glimpse of things as God sees them, and have been overcome with a sense of shame and a certain knowledge of my need for God's mercy.   Once it happened when I was walking across the parking lot at school - of all places.  Other times in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament.  But other times, I know that I'm a sinner, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not as bad as everyone else.  I mean, I know other people have more stuff that needs confessing than *I* do.  And some of them haven't been in y.e.a.r.s   There's that Pharisee again...or the evil one doing his best to keep me from Confession.  Comparing myself to other people when I should be comparing myself to God and His ways.


I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."  Lord, You know I'm trying.  That's one reason I go to confession.  The need to humble myself.  When I say those things aloud - whatever they may be, however they may compare to those around me - when I admit those things to another human, I see how I compare to You, Lord.  I know that I offend He who is all good.  And I am sorry.  More than anything, I don't want to do it again.  But, Lord, without You, I'm not going to make it.  I need You.  O God, have mercy on me a sinner.

a drink from the well

Oh yes - the return to the world of the working is right around the corner. 

I heard what must be my theme song for the upcoming year last week on the radio.   



You can tell what high hopes I have for the year, right?  Really, I do hope it is a good year, but the reality of the end of last year is still a bit too close.

Today, I was given what will probably be my mantra for the upcoming year.  

A year or two ago, I realized that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is a good place to go when the going gets tough.  I explained it to my husband before I left this afternoon:  School is about to start and I need all the grace I can get.  Grace doesn't come cheap, but there is a ton of it in this sacrament.  I don't know why or how, but it is like a well (of Living Water, no less) that the thirsty can drink from.

I go with my list of "the usuals".  If there's any hope for fixing some of those things, it has to start somewhere.  And this is as good a place as any.  It takes me a little bit of time to get my footing, but the good Father waits patiently, and I eventually make my way down the list. 

Then there's the whole school issue. 

"The end of last year was difficult," I begin.  We've had bits and pieces of that conversation before and there's no need to go into specifics. 

"But I made it, and I didn't make it alone.  There was a lot of prayer and grace."  "But I'm really not too eager to go back this year.  I am afraid of what waits for me there."  "Because even though I told God how to fix it, He probably didn't follow along with my plans." 

"Probably not," he agrees. 

"And I know the fear comes from a lack of trust that God knows what He is doing....from a need to control the outcome...."

Though I seldom leave the confessional walking on air with the weight of the world lifted, as some do, there is ALWAYS something good that comes from the encounter.  Sometimes the advice, sometimes the penance, sometimes a gesture or an offhand comment that is *just* what I needed. (And always, absolution.)  I haven't had this experience except for the last couple of years, but then when you go to confession once every year or two as I did for so long, it is hard to establish any kind of continuity.  There is something to be said for a regular confessor and somewhat regular attendance.

There wasn't much in the way of advice this time.  I know this is something that is just going to have to be walked through.  There's no magic wand.

My penance - spend some time in prayer with "Lord, show me the goodness You want me to become."  "It might take a little bit of time; you might not finish right away," he says, "but you'll understand."  Kind of sounds like it might be a year-long process to me.  Transforming, changing....

Is that not perfect to laminate and put on my wall?

Lord, show me the goodness You want me to become.   

Is it not the perfect companion to my other frequent prayer- "Lord, show me what needs to be fixed in my life?" 

Living water from the font of mercy!  A tall drink for a thirsty one!

Editing to add:  God did answer my prayer.   I blogged about it here.

weapons of choice

Thank you, Immaculee.   After years of using the Rosary as a cure for insomnia or just mindlessly reciting the prayers along with the CD in my car, I have actually PRAYED a few Rosaries in the past few weeks.  I was impressed by the claim that the Blessed Mother will grant whatever we ask for or give us the peace to accept the answer if it is "no". There's a few things that I could ask for....

One prayer that I often pray is "Lord, help me to see what needs fixing in my life," or some variation on that theme.  We get so used to ourselves that we can hide our weaknesses and faults from ourselves better than we can hide them from other people.  So I asked to see.  Even when I am trying to see, when I am wanting to go to confession with some sins to confess, I feel like there is a great deal left undiscovered.  Father, I am sorry for these and all my sins that I can't even think of??  I don't "see" very well.

They weren't kidding when they said that Jesus will grant whatever His Mother asks him for.  Tuesday night, we met to pray the Seven Sorrows Rosary.  One of the things it promises is "true repentance", so as the CD played, I thought, "Yeah, that's what I want, Lord, true repentance."   Wow!   When I went to the Adoration chapel on Sunday... oh my!!  Be careful what you ask Mary to ask for.  I thought it would take a little while for my request to get "processed", so this was somewhat unexpected.

"Lord, help me to see."

"Well, Karen, what about the times when you judge others?  (Nothing like getting right to the point?)  Or don't pray for those you don't like?  Or look to blame others for things that are your fault?  Or lack patience with annoying people?  Or? Or? Or?"

"Whoa!  Hold on Lord.  Slow down, should I get my pen and paper?" 

"Do you need me to repeat anything for you?  Or should I keep going?"

He kept going.

I left the Adoration Chapel that day, reflective, but not really all that amazed at the conversation. The experience got just a couple of lines in this post.  It took a while for it to sink in.  By the end of the week, I found myself looking at a calendar trying to figure out when a good time to go to confession would be. 

My "ideal" confession frequency is every month or two, and it had just been two weeks.... But the list was already made.  Clearly God had other plans than the once a month or so deal. 

I still get nervous.  There is no line.  I took a deep breath and opened the door.  "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It's been two weeks, and it wasn't my idea to come back again so soon.  But God spoke, and I took notes.  And I brought them with me."  He smiled.  I just read off of my list.  Attitudes, thoughts, failures.   Some of it was "the regulars", but others were things I'd never admitted before.  Quite humbling to sit there and give voice to.  I couldn't hide the nervousness in my voice, and I stumbled through my list. Just get me to the end.  No explanations, no excuses, just the bare truth.   When I reached the end, the only comment I got was, "Wonderful!"

Really??  Ummmm.... OK.

Isn't God's mercy awesome?

The crux of the homily Friday at Mass was that when we recognize our need for the Divine Physician, He will lead us deeper into the Heart of God (it was First Friday when we celebrate the Sacred Heart), and the Heart of God is Mercy. 

And the best part?  The Divine Physician is on everyone's plan and there no co-pay, no deductible.  The bill has already been paid in full.  And not by us.  Our only responsibility is to show up for the appointment.

So I'm looking back over this and seeing that I've gone from the Rosary to Reconciliation. Weapons of choice?

divine mercy

This is a long one!  Today I was able to attend a "Divine Mercy Conference."  I have been looking forward to it for months and I am thrilled that everything worked out so that I could attend.  There were local priests who spoke, and national speakers (some I had heard of before, and some not.)

First on the list was the pastor from down the road.  I've heard him speak before, and I could (and have) listened to him all day (at a day of reflection).  I took a few notes while he spoke and I will share my notes - however disjointed they may be.  He started off by defining MERCY:  May Easter's Reality Convert You.   He said that we have lost our sense of sin; we have lost our sense of need for Divine Mercy.  He told about a shrine in Miami built by the Cubans who had made their way there.  Outside of the confessional is a sign that reads (in Spanish) "Wash your heart here".  Isn't that appropriate?  He said how much he likes the Eucharistic Prayers of Reconciliation which are sometimes used during Lent.  One sentence in particular:  "When we were lost and could not find the way to you, you loved us more than ever.   He listed the three most "under-confessed" sins.  The first was not keeping holy the Sabbath.  Too often we treat Sunday just like another day.  The second was coveting.  No one ever confesses coveting, he says.  After all, we're Americans.  The third was taking the Lord's name in vain (not by saying the G.D. word, but) by not living a life that is worthy of the name "Christian".  He ended by saying we cannot out-sin God's Divine Mercy.  Good thing to know.

The next speaker was a doctor from Tampa.  He was involved with the Eucharistic Apostles of Divine Mercy.  He was someone who's life was greatly changed by St. Faustina's diary and the message of Divine Mercy.  He said how valuable it is to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet during Eucharistic Adoration for the sick and dying.  He said that forgiveness opens to the door to Divine Mercy.  He said we should not fear the crosses that we meet in our lives - for many, the fear of the cross is greater than the cross itself.  He spoke of many things from his own life - the near drowing death of his young son, the pregnancy of his wife (at age 50) and his role as a caretaker for his Dad.  He talked about the sacredness of life.

Next on the line-up was Immaculee'  What a beautiful, beautiful woman!  She glows!  She radiates God's love from the inside out.  If you haven't made the acquaintance of Immaculee', you should.  Here is a taste.  Just ignore the Spanish captions. 




There are more videos on YouTube, and she has written several books.  Her story "Left to Tell" is phenomenal.  THIS is someone who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize!  I mostly listened to her story.  It is heartbreaking, but so filled with God's Divine Mercy.  I wrote down only one thing that she said - her last statement.  It so applies in my life.  "If you are ever conflicted between being kind and being right, choose kindness."  I hate to be wrong.

After lunch, we heard from Marcus Grodi of EWTN fame and the Coming Home Network.  Once a Protestant minister, he is now Catholic, and helps others make the same journey.

After Marcus, came Annie Karto.  Her story was simple, but touching.  She is a Catholic singer.  She told of being divorced and married outside the Catholic Church and of God's healing mercy.  She spoke of refraining from the sacraments for the two years it took for her anullment to be processed. She told of going to confession, and her penance being to spread the message of Divine Mercy for the rest of her life!  She said that penance is a joy!  We prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet - in song..



And finally, our last speaker - another local priest.  He talks fast and has a thick Cajun accent, but I think I heard most of what he said.  After we had spent the day hearing about the Image of Divine Mercy, the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and the Feast of Divine Mercy, he was there to tell us about the Sacrament of Divine Mercy (also known as Confession).  He spoke of the benefits of confession over the "straight to God" method:  (1) the removal of all guilt   (2) Sanctifying grace  (3) Sacramental (medicinal) grace to avoid sin.  He said he had done the math and that if all Catholics in our diocese went to confession monthly and spent 5 minutes in the confessional, each priest on active duty would have to hear confessions 10 hours a day, 5 days a week.  We're nowhere near that, yet.  But things are improving.

His advice for confession:  (1) Go early and often!  Don't abuse the sacrament; wait until you are sorry, but GO. (2) Be brief, be blunt, be gone.  (He needs to know what the sin is, so don't dance around it too much, but leave out the gory details.)  (3)  Worst first.  (4) Get in touch with the one you have offended.  (Jesus)  Realize who you are approaching in the confessional.  (Jesus)  (5) Bring the joy of the encounter to others.  (I've often felt like the weird one talking about confession either in person or in this blog, but I think it's neat to share the good things in life.) (6) Be merciful.

As a side note, this priest has subbed at my parish twice in the last 6 years or so.  That has been my only experience with him, but he is very memorable.  A couple of summers ago, I became conscious of a couple of sins from long ago.  I was sure they were forgiven, but I knew I had never confessed them, and felt like since I remembered them, I owed that much to Jesus.  So I had asked God if that was what He wanted, to give me the opportunity to go to Confession.  Be careful what you ask for! One morning soon after, I attended 6:30 a.m. Mass at my parish, as I often do.   In walks this priest.  Confessions are heard before daily Mass at our parish, but on this particular day, at the end of Mass, he announced that since he had been running late, he would hear confessions after Mass. I've been going to daily Mass there 3 times a week for the past 4 or 5 years, and that is THE only time I've heard that happen.  I would love to tell you that I took him up on his offer, but I did not.  God put the gift right in my lap, and I turned around and left it because it caught be by surprise and looked "different" than I envisioned. (I very much regretted that, and I did go a couple of days later, when my priest returned.)  I wonder what God might have had for me, though, if I had taken advantage of His offer. 

All in all, it was a long, but fruitful day.  One of my friends was supposed to come with me, but due to technical problems at home, she was not able to make it.  My sister-in-law had sent in her registration a couple of weeks ago, but it was returned to her, because the conference was sold out.  I called her, and she was able to take my friend's spot.  God works in mysterious ways.