so much grace

Something about this time of year makes me want to put down thoughts somewhere and Facebook just isn't the right medium for it.

It's been a time of grace - the last few months.  Lent started in February and I wrote down a prayer or two. "Lord, grant me the wisdom and humility to see myself as you do....Help me to see."

And instead of caving into the temptation to do a million things for Lent, I picked 2 things - getting up when the alarm went off the first time and writing names of friends and family on a calendar and praying/offering the sacrifices of each day for them.  Both of my Lenten observances were works in progress.  The calendar worked when I remembered to look to see who I was praying for.  So many days the conversation went, "Lord, I am offering this Mass for whoever is on my calendar today."  I had even taken a picture of it on my phone, so I would have it.  But then most days for Mass my phone was in the car.  And getting up when the alarm went off...well, that went OK the first week, but then Daylight Savings Time happened, and the struggle was on.

God, for His part did grant the things I asked for.  Oh, indeed I could see, and there were other things that He put in my path that I took advantage of.  God would get an A+ for this Lent.  I was probably about a C-.
One of the graces of Lent was a Catholic Youth Fest held at a seminary a couple of hours from home in late March.  I had heard of it a few years ago, but at the time going just wasn't in the cards.  This year, it was.  Both of my boys and their girlfriends went, and ENJOYED it!

Tell me this is not a grace.  Of all the lines...food, bathroom, church tours... this was by far the longest. There were about 2 dozen priests scattered throughout the clearing in the woods, sitting under umbrellas. They said that over 800 people made their way through the confession line that day.  

 And this.  4,500 people  - most of them teens - at Mass with an Archbishop, 2 Bishops, and dozens of priests.  Right before Mass ended, the Archbishop addressed the crowd, asking for those young people who were actively discerning or who would be OPEN to discerning a vocation in religious life,  should the Lord call, to come forward.  There were hundreds who did so.  My youngest turned around and said to me, "Well, that's an awkward question to say "yes" to when your girlfriend is right here!"  Grace.

 Here's my four favorite young people at Mass.  Boys and their girlfriends - one Catholic, one not.  All claimed to have enjoyed the day and asked about returning next year.  Grace.

Young people praying in the Chapel Tent in the woods.  Quiet. Still.  Grace.

Early in the week, there had been a 90% chance of rain forecast for the day of the Festival.  Gradually, it subsided to 50%.  It was a beautiful, warm, spring day, and the rain held off until about 8 pm.  At that time, the events abruptly concluded before the final speaker finished and before the candlelit adoration.  But that was grace, too.

My "take away" was from the last speaker - a seminarian named Joe Bass.  He was leading up to Adoration, and told the teens, "Jesus did not come to bring you a good conduct report.  He didn't come to bring you a sticker and a Dum-Dum.  He came to meet you in your brokenness."

This year, our pastor was available for confessions on the Tuesday evenings of Lent.  Only 30 minutes, but it still beats Saturday afternoons.  I went one of the Tuesday evenings towards the middle of Lent, and I was #4 of 4 penitents, I think.  The Tuesday of Holy Week, he was available for an hour, and there was a much bigger crowd.  It was to this one, that one of my teens accompanied me.  When they were much younger, we used to indulge in ice cream after confession.  Some things don't change, I discovered. But it's grace when your young adults will still set foot in a confessional.  And for the record...that flavor of ice cream...worth every single calorie.  My penance that night was to offer Mass the next day in thanksgiving for God's mercy and to be open to His graces during Holy Week with a "warm heart".

Wednesday was our Tennebrae Service.  I always go, but don't always walk away inspired.  This year, I got a text in the middle of the day from our choir director asking if I was going and if I would read for it.  Being open to whatever graces might be there, I answered back "yes and yes".  I spent the day at our Special Olympics Track meet and it was hot and very sunny.  I was spent by the time the evening rolled around, but the music was lovely - you could just sit back, close your eyes, and listen, the Psalms, Lamentations...it all came together.

Holy Thursday is my favorite day of the Liturgical Year, I think, and for weeks, I had contemplated taking the day off.  At some point, I got an email from one of my friends during Lent inviting me to the Passion Play on Thursday morning at her son's school, and I figured that was a sign to take the day off.  So I did.

The Senior Class put on the play, and it was well-done and moving.  My youngest son, who had gone to school with some of these kids in elementary and middle school also took the day off and came with me. Grace.

The next stop of the day was the Chrism Mass.  I've been a few times before, and love it.  My regular church lady friend couldn't come, so I invited my sister-in-law.  I sensed that she wasn't sure about coming, because she had a lot to do that day, but she did.  The priests of the diocese come to this Mass to renew their promises as a priest and also to receive the blessed oils (thus the name Chrism Mass) for use in their ministries and parishes.  As you see row after row of priests file into the pews, you are struck by the diversity of the priesthood.  There are fat and skinny, tall and short, old and young.  Priests in shiny loafers and priests in worn black sneakers.  Black, white, Indian, and Asian.  Priests who are bald and even a priest with a pony tail.  And then there is a deep appreciation for all of them - whether they are long-winded or short and sweet, arrogant or humble, simple or extravagant, funny or serious, - a deep appreciation for their "yes". Grace.

I have no pictures of the Chrism Mass; it would just not be appropriate to pull out a camera or an iphone and start clicking.  And it probably wouldn't capture it anyway...the sights, the music that is right next to heaven, the incense. When all was said and done, my sister-in-law turned to me and says, "We're coming EVERY year!"  Grace.

Thursday evening is the Mass of the Lord's Supper, and if I could only go to one Mass a year, this would be it!  I have no pictures of it, either.  It is a simple affair at our parish.  No feet are washed.  Adoration only continues for an hour after Mass.  But the Eucharistic procession touches me every year.  Our priest carefully wraps his vestment around the ciborium containing the Blessed Sacrament, as a mother would wrap up a child going out into the cold, holds it close to him and slowly processes around the inside of the church, up and down each side.  It gets me every time - Jesus walking among us.  It is grace.  And the period of Adoration...it passes way too quickly, but it is a lovely, quiet time to reflect on Lent that is now over and to look forward to the events of Good Friday and beyond.  Grace.

There was a side note to my grace this year.  All during Lent, and even before, I have struggled with getting to daily Mass on time.  For the past few years, I have driven my kids to the bus stop, waited for the bus, and then proceeded to Mass, and the times worked out perfectly - I was seldom late.  Now my remaining high schooler drives himself most days, and the urgency to get out of the house is not the same.  I have brought the struggle to confession, once, twice, maybe more.  It has been way harder than it needs to be.  But the struggle is real, as they say.  I know that I checked the time for the Chrism Mass, and relayed the time to my sister-in-law.  I "knew" it was at 10:00, and we were there nearly an hour early.  10:00 rolled around, and things didn't seem to be starting.  Oops, it was 10:30.  As I sat there waiting, it occurred to me that God had indeed found a way to get those minutes back that I had been late.  Grace!

That would be funny enough, except that I repeated the scenario almost exactly for the evening Mass.  I had copied and pasted the Mass schedule from last year's (or the year before's) altar server schedule and missed the fact that Mass was at 6:30 and not 6:00.  I felt a little bad for my altar servers who were there an hour early, but they (and their parents) were good about it.  Grace. And God's sense of humor.

May God's grace find you in the celebrations yet to come as part of the Triduum and the Easter season. Look for Him with a warm heart and an open mind.

entering into holy week

And trying to keep it holy!

But first a shout out to the HHS Mandate to wish it a very happy feast day... being that it's April 1 today. 

It has been a Lent.  I think it's mostly been good.  The good Father said the other day that the mark of a "good, holy Lent" is how much we allow it to change us after Easter. 

Though things are crazy to the infinite power at school, things have gone fairly well with my fifth graders.  There is just so much stress...you can feel it in the air...in the energy level and the defiance of the kids.  And I can feel it in my chest.  It has been like this since we had the day off for a potential flood a couple of weeks ago.  Just kind of unholy. 

Things at home are still in a state of flux.  A visit to the doctor and a prescription, which is being taken.  Discussions.  Things have been fairly calm.  Still he does not understand me, I think.  We used to be in the same place spiritually, but that has changed.  That change bothers him greatly.

And I struggle very much to understand him.  So much of it just seems irrational to me.  A mundane example to illustrate:  We were riding together to pick up his truck, when I needed gas.  We stopped at a Truck Stop and there was one pump open on the far end.  I drove around in front of the pumps and pulled in facing the road.  For the life of him, he could not understand why I did that, and I could not understand what on earth he was talking about when he wanted me to "drive down there and spin around".  And why does it really matter?  In the end, we had a nice drive and a decent conversation. 

I have met a few Simon's on my journey.  Those who have been there, done that.  One of my church lady friends.  I was going in the other day to pray at the same time that she was leaving Mass.  I ended up walking out with her, and we talked for several minutes.  God was in the parking lot that day.  She says, "I just couldn't understand why people couldn't do things the way I wanted them to.  Life would have been so much easier!" 

My red-headed co-worker from last year...  She calls me periodically, and I always love to hear from her.  I miss her so much this year.  Usually, she talks and I listen.  Last week, I was on my way to a track meet 30 or 40 minutes away, when she called and we talked the whole way.  I didn't wreck. She told me things I hadn't heard before.  "Walking on eggshells" seems to be a common expression. 

I went to Stations of the Cross on Friday.   Normally, I like this devotion, but often find myself very distracted.  Not sure if it is because it is on a Friday afternoon at the end of a long week or what.  But the last few times, I have discovered that if I close my eyes while the priest is reading and just listen, the scene forms in my mind's eye, and I "hear" so much more.  I can identify with Jesus being misunderstood, enduring things that were not his fault, the sadness, the heavy heart.  The temptation to go the way of the world, to wonder which is the way.  It was very good.

A side note...is anyone listening to and loving the prayers from the Mass...the opening prayer, the prayer after comuunion...and loving them?  I love the new translation - the language is rich!

I have spent a lot of time wondering if that self-giving love we hear so much about involves giving up things that we enjoy (like Mass or Stations of the Cross) when the one we love does not care for these things.  After a while, you doubt yourself, and the evil one is the master of doubt and confusion.  I went to confession yesterday because I was scheduled to serve today and because I very clearly felt like I needed that spiritual "bath" before Easter.  We didn't talk long, but with no hesitation, he told me the answer to that doubt was "NO!"  He is so good at making things clear.  And looking back, the Lord has given me other signs that I am on the right path.  Those divine "thumbs-ups" that come every so often. 

Today has been a lazy, somewhat melancholy day.  I got a text from my sister-in-law this morning that "Mammy" (her mother-in-law) had died in her sleep last night.  She hadn't been sick, so this was sudden...not expected.  She was a Kentucky fan, though, and apparently Kentucky played quite well in a basketball game last night!  I knew her from joint holiday and birthday celebrations, and she was a kind and gentle soul who will be missed.  Prayers for her soul and those left behind.

another week

Yep...nearly another week has passed!

Last year during Lent, I had so much to say that I felt like I was boring people by posting it all.  And this year...  Well, we appear to be about on the once-a-week plan!  And still I worry that I am boring people. Life has been very busy and somewhat aggravating. 

Monday?  Tuesday?  Too long ago to remember!

Wednesday, during my 7th grade math class, I heard sirens.  When class was over, I checked the parking lot.  There were not 1, not 2, not even 3 or 4...but FIVE police cars.  Parents behaving badly.  And we wonder why the kids act like they do?  Not really...it's not rocket science.  Perhaps it was the full moon...

Wednesday night my boys and I fashioned this stunning pool cover.  We survived a winter of leaves and acorns in the pool, but the infernal oak pollen will surely turn it into a icky yellowish tea.  You haven't really lived until you've fought oak pollen!

As we were putting the "cover" on it, we wondered aloud how the dog might react to it...she enjoys taking a dip in the pool in all sorts of weather.  She promptly answered our question by walking on it and nearly drowning in the process.  She hasn't walked on it since.This morning we pulled it off and tried to put it on a little better.  Hubby was home to help this time.  He belongs to the "if-duct-tape-can't-fix-it...then-it's-broke" club.  So yeah...he duct-taped it down in places... Cajun ingenuity?

And then there was one small part that the big tarp didn't cover - due to the pool's irregular shape.  So we tried to attach another one, but the holes didn't line up.  That's OK - string it together and duct tape it!  And the best part - this man is so creative - He wanted to keep this part out of the water so the tape might stick...so he got some empty containers that float, and put them underneath.  I knew we would do a better job with his help.  He is creative like that!

Wednesday was not great, but Thursday was just nuts.  My car made "that" sound when I started it in the morning.  There was nothing to do, but to go on.  Hubby was on a job, away from home, and there was no other vehicle at home for me to use.  I dropped the kids at the bus stop and went to Mass...where else are you going to go at 6:15 in the morning?.  I prayed the whole time that it would start again when I came out.  It did - barely.  So I drove to the auto parts store.  They didn't open for another 30 minutes, but I had no choice. 

I figured I'd buy a battery, they'd put it in for me, and I would be on my merry way.  Oh no, couldn't be that simple.  They tested the battery, and the result showed the battery was still good.  The man said it might be the starter??  Didn't really sound right to me, but he gave me a jump, and I went to get hubby's vehicle, which was parked at his brother's house. 

When I called my dear husband to update him on the situation, he said he couldn't talk right then, because HIS truck was breaking down.  Sigh.  Had to have his work truck towed back home from 30 or so miles away.

Meanwhile, we had left the dog in the house that morning, not wanting her to drown in our "pool cover". 

I had a 9:00 meeting that I hadn't finished the paperwork for, and my supervisor shows up at 8:30. 

It was just too much.  I was able to find a sub on the second phone call, and left at noon.  I was reminded at one point of the quote attributed to St. Teresa of Avila..."Lord, if this is how you treat your friends, its no wonder you have so few of them!"

We enjoyed a track meet that evening in gorgeous weather and had Chick-Fil-A for dinner, so the day ended pretty well.

One of my friends pointed out on Facebook that if we view trials and tribulations as gifts from the Father, then I had certainly had a very blessed couple of days!

Fast forward a day, a different battery test said it was the battery, and we are trying to decide whether it is even worth it to fix hubby's truck.  He has the sense that he will not be approved for his medical card in the coming months and is freely tossing the word "retirement" around. 

We spent a few hours outside today, trying to get the back "yard" cleaned up.  It looks a lot better, though there are still plenty of weeds to pull.  The citrus trees are on their second bloom.  We will have 10 zillion lemons...again.  The grapefruit tree has a lot of flowers, but it also seems to be "aborting" a lot of the baby grapefruits. 

These flowers are getting ready to bloom...

Lent it going well enough, I suppose.  No dramatic changes or revelations (although I have realized that I can focus much better on the Stations of the Cross if I close my eyes and listen rather than reading along in the booklet.  A nice quiet steady progress overall - at least here and there.  Compassionate Shepherd.  Bread of Life.  Giver of Hope. 

And finally - my favorite picture of the week....

Looking forward to losing an hour of sleep this weekend, anyone??  Have a good one!

bread of life

Reconciliation and laundry.  That could kind of sum up my weekend.  All in all, I think a lot was accomplished.

Got most of the laundry done!  Yay!  Got some paperwork from school taken care of.  Unnecessary, but required.  Special Ed progress reports are the most useless piece of paperwork that we do.  (Report cards should be enough of a progress report, in my humble opinion.)  You want to know how useless they are??  I didn't do them for years...and the world did not come to an end!  No child was harmed.  Education was not impeded.  But now with the computer age, Big Brother can check on us to make sure they were done.  So they were done.

You remember my penance from a couple of weeks ago....the one about asking God to show me how to be Compassionate Shepherd, Bread of Life, Giver of Hope in my life?  I had one long conversation with the Lord about that, and it left as many questions as answers.  The advice from my good priest was to "keep talking and keep listening."  So I have been listening with at least half an ear.  One thing that I found interesting was that nearly every day (this Sunday being an exception) I have come across at least one of those words in the Scripture readings of the day.  I was wondering if the string would continue throughout Lent.

But in the conversation, I had kind of skipped over the whole Bread of Life thing.  I figured that was the Good Lord's job.  How could I possibly be the Bread of Life??  But this weekend, I was reading Mother Teresa's Come Be My Light (excellent!!) and I came across an answer to just that!  She wondered at "the greatness of the humility of God? in making Himself the "Bread of Life", and believed that "our live must be woven with the Eucharist"...that we must give ourselves just as totally to others...especially since Christ makes Himself present in the poor.  We are to become "bread" to feed the "hungry Christ".

And really...that kind of makes sense.  Especially when we consume the Eucharist...the Eucharist doesn't become part of us...we become (or should become) the Gift that we receive - Jesus.  We are a Eucharistic people...blessed and broken for others.

One thing that I have been working on for a while is the Ad Altare Dei religious award with a small group of Boy Scouts.  We have 4 in the group - 2 of them mine.  We are working through the sacraments one at a time, and today we finished up with Reconciliation.  I don't think that I am wasting my time, but with 4 teenage boys, there is a good bit of goofing off, and  I sometimes wonder if we are accomplishing very much...if anything is sinking in.  It has a lot of book requirements and discussion questions, and sometimes the discussing is very limited.

Each sacrament (chapter) ends with some type of prayer service.  For Baptism, I think we washed each other's hands and re-lit our Baptismal candles.  For confirmation, we did something about recognizing each other's gifts.  For the others, I used the suggestions in the leader's guide, but this one I did myself.  I think it turned out nicely.  The two other moms had good things to say about it, and sometimes I do think they think we are wasting their time. 

We started off with a song courtesy of my iPad...Matt Maher's "Every Little Prison", because, you know, sin is like a prison.  This particular song was based on the Litany of Humility.



Then we lit candles off of the one representing Jesus in the middle and recalled how at Baptism, our candles were "lit".  After a prayer and a reading of the Prodigal Son with a little explanation thrown in about how it relates to confession, we blew out the candles and went through an examination of conscience for teens.  I modified it from this.  We took turns reading and commenting as we saw fit.  Then it was time to say an Act of Contrition and relight out candles (which is what happens in confession) to share our light with the world.  To finish up, I played "Only Grace" by Matthew West. 



Maybe some of them will be encouraged to go to confession during the Lenten season.  Maybe someone reading this will be...  GO!

Life is good and the weather is awesome!

another catch-all

I am still here...yes, I am.  I have not given up blogging for Lent.  Things have just been *that* busy.

Evening is my blogging time, and there has been something every evening this week.  Monday evening, I skipped out on the Rosary group I belong to because I had a birthday cake to bake.  I also received a message on Facebook from one of my former students.  I'm friends with a few of the "kids" I taught way back when.  K and C were two girls in my class about 15 years ago, and both have "friended" me on Facebook.  C was in a wheelchair and K had a mild case of cerebral palsy.  C has visited me a couple of times over the years, and in recent months, she has been one of my most faithful Words With Friends opponents.  K is married, has 2 kids with a third due to enter the world in the next few weeks.

The message was from K with a short message and her phone number.  C had been hospitalized for an infection that resulted from a pressure sore.  It had gone all the way to the bone, and even though they had done surgery to remove some of it, it was still an issue.  After the surgery she had gone into cardiac arrest.  Organ damage ensued and things took a turn for the worse from there.  She passed away the next evening.  She was 29.  It is hard to feel sad, because she is almost certainly in a better place.  But once again, I find myself stunned by the suddenness of death.  A week ago, she was posting on FB.  We have 2 unfinished Words With Friends games.  

While one family was dealing with death, we were celebrating life.  On Tuesday, my baby turned 15.  I had in mind to do one of those wonderful birthday posts with pictures to show how much things change and how much they remain the same.  But that has yet to happen.  We celebrated with pizza - a rare meal out - and cake.

Wednesday night was a Bible Study night, and Thursday night was a track meet.  I need some downtime.   A trip to the chapel is on the agenda for the near future.  A trip where I can spend an hour or more.  The weekend has a lot of things packed into it, too.  Things for Boy Scouts.  Paperwork for school. 

Lent is going relatively well, I think. I need some time to really assess and re-orient, but things are going well with my fifth graders.  One was sent to an alternative placement last week for the remainder of the year, and that has made a huge difference as we are able to focus on the others now.  And I am doing my best to smile and provide for their needs. 

Hopefully our weekend will provide a chance to literally and figuratively catch my breath!

onward to Easter

Today was a holiday...the last day of our Mardi Gras break, and I slept late.

I had an much overdue hair appointment, and from there I stopped at the post office to mail a package and then drove to church.  I was there about a half hour before Mass started.  At some point, the lady behind me tapped me and pointed out that there appeared to be no Eucharistic Ministers, and asked if I would join her.  We were both dressed in jeans, but I suppose we were better than nothing.  We got instructions beforehand about distributing ashes.  I'm afraid some of my ash crosses were off-center, and quite possibly some got too much, some not enough.  Tricky business - the ashes.

Did you know that the purpose of Lent is not repentance?  In my mind, I heard a Scooby Doo "ehrr??" when the good Father said that.  He went on to explain that the purpose of Lent is to prepare to fruitfully recommit to our baptismal vows when Easter Sunday rolls around.  And part of that necessarily involves repentance. 

A trip to WalMart for a few necessities and then back home.

I accomplished most of the things on my "to do" list.

One thing that I wanted to do today was plant some Easter Lilies.  I had some in my garden at the old house.  They had been given to my by a priest friend after their usefulness as church decor had passed, and they were beautiful last year.

Last year, sometime in May, the lilies in our church made their way to the outside of the sacristy door.  I would pick up a couple every day on the way to the parking lot.  At that point, the new house was a thought, so I didn't plant them.  Last summer, they made the trip to the new house in their original pots, and for much of the last six months have been sitting in pots next to the garbage can.  In all fairness to my hubby who placed them there, they just looked like some pots with dead plants in them.  But recently they have started to resurrect.

I planted some in front of my Holy Family statue.  And lest you think that I should have weeded first, this is what it looked like yesterday.

I've still got some work to do, but it's way better than it was....  And I planted some along the front walk...

I probably should take a broom and sweep up my mess, yes?

We had Bible Study tonight, and sometimes our good Pastor gets started on a topic, and it's like a whole 'nother homily.  He is good, and hits the nail squarely on the head.  We are studying Acts, and with it, the persecution of the early church.  You would probably have to be under a rock someplace to think that the church today is not being persecuted.  He said, however, that the biggest concern is not what the government wants to do to us, but the persecution from within - from those who are not faithful to church teaching.  He compared them to a cancer - eating away at the Body (of Christ).  He said there are three remedies:  1) prayer (and prayer is not a last resort)  2) the Church and all of the spiritual treasures contained therein and 3) Fidelity to the truth.  The church is not just some rule-making body, he says, but holds the deposit of truth that Jesus left us. 

It was good to hear his take on the current state of things.

And so begins Lent....looking forward to Easter.  Planting lilies in place of the weeds...in our gardens and our lives.

here we are

At the very edge of the beginning of Lent! 

But first of all, I have to share a little bit of Mardi Gras with you...

It's kind of a recent invention...the Mardi Gras tree.  This one was at school in the cafeteria.  I'm kind of neutral on the whole thing.  I guess it's a way to get the maximum use from a Christmas tree.

And then there's the King Cake - a much older tradition.  There is a place in town - a donut shop - that sells THE best King Cakes ever.  But price is an object this year...some serious financial deficits working their way through our household, but Mardi Gras is not Mardi Gras without a King Cake. 

So, we made our own.  We took some of those highly nutritious canned cinnamon rolls out of the refrigerator.  Stretched them out, braided them (my boys learned how to braid), and arranged them in a circle.  Then dear hubby decided that he wanted filling in the king cake.  So....I made some microwave lemon curd (because one thing we have in abundance is fresh lemons!) and he set about adding filling.  The kids took the icing out of the packets and added food coloring so that we had green, gold, and purple - Mardi Gras colors.  All in all, it wasn't the best tasting cake ever, but we all had a good time making it. My teens enjoyed it...saying it might become a family tradition!  You moms who have teen boys...you know that is like the ultimate complement.

Other Lent prep.....let's see, I  think I ate every piece of chocolate in my desk at school before I left on Friday.  I almost always give up chocolate for Lent.  I wasn't sure I was going to this year, because Lent seems like it should be  more than that...but I still may.  I can offer it for my 5th graders.

I went to confession on Saturday...figured I'd beat the Lent crowd.  ;-)  My fifth graders have been giving me the blues, and that is mostly what I went with.  They are so, so needy, and I am so, so spent.  My penance tied in nicely with the homily, and I assume if there were any other sinners, they got the same thing, but, as often happens, it was a perfect fit....spend some time in prayer asking God to show you how He wants you to be compassionate shepherd, bread of life, and giver of hope.  That IS what we are called to be to others, but so often we fall short. 

I spent a wonderful peaceful hour or so at the adoration chapel last night having this conversation.  There were some new insights and ideas.  One is that I don't provide any of this...God does.  Through me.  And for that to have any chance of success, I've got to stay close to the source. 

The giver of hope, I think, is where I struggle the most.  I look at them, and realistically, I don't see a lot of hope.  I didn't come up with a whole lot of answers there.  Hopefully, God will see fit to reveal a few as I stumble along.  This is a conversation that will be continued.

And so the dreaded fifth grade is one of my main lenten focuses this year  - the almsgiving, the fasting, and the prayer.

Beyond that, I just want to be open to the possibilities the Good Lord puts in front of me.  I want to pray better.  I want to love better.  I want to be more like Him by the time Lent is over. 

We should pray for one another.

spy wednesday

Spy Wednesday...the old name for today.  Kind of like the sound of it better than "Wednesday of Holy Week".

I opted out of Mass this morning.  On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I have to drive a good ways through town to Mass, and then back to school, and it is always a rush both ways.  The church near my school does not have Mass on Wednesday mornings, so about half of the time, the thought of unhurried silence wins out.  I can spend a half hour or more there...almost always alone, except for the Holy Presence.

I reflected this morning on the fact that Lent is almost over.  It hasn't been bad.  Last year, I felt so lost, and it's been better than that.  Neither do I feel, "Wow!  What great spiritual growth I made!!"  Another blogger posted that we had five days left to get it together!  Usually, I will give up chocolate or sweets or some such thing for Lent.  But this year, I didn't.  I've felt somewhat left out when prayers speak of fasting or self-denial or hunger.  I know we can fast from other things...procrastination, say....but the idea of food sacrifices and Lent seem to be so closely linked.  Today the thing that I heard was "Take only what you need."  That stayed with me all day.   Eat only what you need to eat...that caramel chocolate egg??  Probably not really a need.

This evening my parish offered a Tenebrae Service.  It is based on the Liturgy of the Hours, Office of Readings.  Each year that I have been, it has been somewhat different.  But always, Psalms are read.  Lamentations are chanted.  Seven candles are present...extinguished one at a time throughout the service.  Always it ends with a loud noise (cymbals this year) and the church in darkness.  This year, one lone burning candle (the Easter candle) remained.  Everyone exits in silence.

This song was one that was featured during the service.  It went quite well with chanted scripture, Latin, and instrumental responses.  Truly, it was a nice variety.




As we left this year, a lady offered me a small cross made out of a palm frond.  I whispered, "thank you".  I have seen her at Mass for years (she attends daily Mass, too, but sits on the other side), and at parish events, but we had never really spoken.  A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I would not be able to serve this past Saturday, since I would be at Immaculee's retreat, and I asked her to take my place.  I thought the cross was rather a neat gesture.

Tomorrow...Thursday...is a day I have looked forward to for months.  For several years I have wanted to attend the Chrism Mass at the Cathedral, but it is always a work day for me.  But months ago, I asked a friend if she wanted to come with me, and then found a sub for the day.  I am so looking forward to going (though I'm stressing a bit about what I have to wear).  I am also serving at Mass at my parish tomorrow evening, and I am very much looking forward to that Mass and the adoration time that follows!

May the peace of Christ find its way to your heart during this Holy Week.

worth it

From childhood, Palm Sunday meant having to stand up for a l.o.n.g time for the Gospel reading in shoes that pinched my feet.  That and having to listen to the retelling of the Passion, which was just oh-so-depressing.  I really didn't get it at all, did I?

Then when I kind of started to "get it", in my young adult days, it was more of as if Jesus was just having one of those days when everything went wrong.  I mean, why did He answer them in riddles?  Why didn't He just explain things so they could understand it?

Gradually, I understand more and more.  That Jesus was fulfilling the purpose for which He came...to save us.  That He obediently endured a painful and horrible death, in order that we might see the depths of His love.  That those who were questioning Him were never going to understand...didn't want to understand. 

Old testament scriptures - including today's from Isaiah - pointed to the kind of death that the Suffering Servant was to suffer.  Jesus, himself, knew.  And gradually, events in the Gospels lead to this Holy Week.  Last week we saw Jesus meeting  the ultimate enemy, death, head-on (with his friend, Lazarus) and winning.

Today's second reading says that "Christ emptied himself."  It's a good description of the Passion.  He allows us a share in His sufferings, even thought nothing was lacking in His.

And still my priest asked, "Why?"  He says he generally avoids asking the "why" question (because the answer is often "why not"...'tis better to ask "what, Lord? [do you want be to be/know/do]).  But he asked the Lord, "why?" in his meditations this week.  And the 4-word answer was, "You Are Worth It!" 

Even though we will truly never "get" the sufferings that He endured (or the joy in loving us that much), He would have suffered and died for us, if we were the only person in the world.

And that leads us to the question...Is He worth it?  Is He worth learning about, spending time with, emptying ourselves for?

that time of year

Just a quick post to say that I haven't completely dropped off the face of the earth.  Things are very busy right now.  State testing this week at school.  Our final Bible Study of this series last night.  A musical performance of  Touched By the Christ (very touching) at church tonight.  And Immaculee will be in town this weekend, and I will be where she is! 

So I will be back at some point...probably with lots to ramble about.

Next week will be more of the same, in some ways.  Wednesday night is a Tenebrae service at our parish.  I am taking the day off on Thursday with plans to attend the Chrism Mass at the Cathedral with one of my "church lady" friends.  It's something I've wanted to do for the past few years....so why not?!  Thursday night is Mass at my parish with Adoration following.  Absolutely my most favorite Mass of the entire liturgical year.  Friday offers outdoor Stations of the Cross in the morning, which I will probably drag strongly encourage my children to attend.  I will attend the Passion service at our parish in the afternoon.  And Saturday is the Easter Vigil.  My boys are serving, which means practice in the morning with our dear pastor.  And either Friday evening or Saturday morning, my friend and I (the newly designated decorating committee) will be helping our pastor with decorations.

That's my story for now!  And I'm sticking with it!

half way

I was reflecting in church this morning. (I think the candle we lit last week was still burning.)

I've gotten behind in my "Little Black Book" meditations.   Actually the half-way point of Lent was last week.  How's it going?  Have I made progress?  Probably.  Have their been distractions?   Yes?  Could I have done things better?  Almost certainly.  Will I be anywhere closer to Jesus at the Triduum than I was at  Ash Wednesday?  Hopefully. 

I guess the good news is that there is still time to......  To what?  To try harder?  Wait patiently?  Pray better?  Listen more attentively?  Do more?  Or less?

Last week was a "church week".  On Tuesday, I met with my sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and another lady to pray the Seven Sorrows Rosary.  We aim for every-other-Tuesday.  It is always peaceful, pleasant.  Wednesday night was our parish Bible Study.  Wonderful.  I still might need to blog about some of that wisdom.  Thursday night was a PTC meeting at my younger child's school.  The eighth graders (of which he is one) acted out the Stations of the Cross along with their Kindergarten little buddies.  It was really sweet.  And Friday evening was the Stations of the Cross at my parish. 

And all of that leads back to the fact that it is Lent. My pastor told us last week that the purpose of Lent is to prepare to renew our Baptismal Promises at Easter.  I had never heard that before.  He noted that the church builds in a 40-day retreat every year. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other unrelated news...we tortured ourselves last weekend with another visit to the property we would like to buy.  Dear husband invited one of his long-ago friends - a good guy - who has worked in business that would come along with the house.  He put his stamp of approval on it, and agreed that he would like to be a part of the business.  And yet we say, "Thy will be done."  We asked him for prayers, and he said he says a Rosary every night, and certainly would pray for it.

And in other, other unrelated news....I am working with a small group of boys (4; 2 of them mine) on a religious emblem for Boy Scouts.  It goes through the sacraments one at a time, in depth.  We meet at a Catholic school, and there is a chapel within the school that we were given permission to use for prayer services and what not.   We hold our meetings before the regular scout meetings, and a couple of weeks ago, we finished a bit early.  Not wanting them to run loose through the school, I took them down to the chapel to spend a few minutes there in adoration.  The results were varied.  One whined about being tired and then appeared to be deep in thought.  I realized later that he was probably texting, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Jesus.  Another went and sat on the floor as close to the tabernacle as he could get.  And the other two sat and looked like they were totally bored.  And yet, yesterday, I had one ask if he could go back to the chapel...just to be.  I think that from now on, we will start and finish each session in the chapel.  Planting seeds.

Life as it is in this moment.

10 down, 30 to go

Is Lent really 40 days?  Or is it just kind of a symbolic number?  Pretty sure that Sunday's don't "count".  And it ends the evening of Holy Thursday.  So does Thursday count or not?

In any case, it's about 25% gone.  We are 10 days in, and so far, so good.

My prayer before Lent was that God help me to listen and know what He wanted.

The homily the day after Ash Wednesday was about Lent not being about making temporary changes that would be over and done in 40 days.  It was about identifying the "spiritual cancers" in our lives and submitting to the treatment - God's merciful love.  So I prayed to be open to the quiet voice of God, and to be willing to let go of the things that He identified.  I went into Lent with only a couple of resolutions, but with the idea of being open to anything else God pointed out.

He didn't wait long to point something else out!  Friday, I sat in the quiet of the empty church before school reflecting on the homily at my parish which had been about fasting.  Fasting has nothing to do with dieting, the good Father had said.  Fasting is about glorifying God; dieting about glorifying self   He went on to give a beautiful explanation of authentic fasting.  Authentic fasting leads us away from ourselves, out of our comfort zones, and towards God in prayer and fellow man in almsgiving.  Surely that is a process to get to that point.

As I sat there, I felt that quiet voice of God, pointing out my procrastination habit.  If I would have blinked, I would have missed it.  Or dismissed it.  Of course I procrastinate.  That's news to no one.  But I saw it in a new light. 

Confession was Saturday, and the priest was so encouraging.  He didn't address anything specifically, but said that we need to look at our lives as "fertile ground for redemption", that God never tires of us coming to Him, and basically to keep working!  I'm not sure why he was so encouraging - I didn't think I was discouraged - but I know enough to know that the Spirit works through him, so I just sat back, shut up, and listened.

Monday (pi day....3.14) was the gospel about "whatsoever you did for the least of these...you did for me."  Who are the least?  Well, that would be US!  We are the ones who hunger and thirst (for the Lord), who are sick and imprisoned (in sin), who stand naked before him in shame.  We can look into our lives, he said, and see how we fit in each and every category!  (And I always thought those people were someone else...)   But he feeds us, frees us, cures us, proclaims our dignity as his beloved.  We in turn must do the same for others.  We have no right to withhold that which has been given as undeserved gift!  So says my pastor.

Today - Friday - another "wow" homily.  Jesus expects more from us than just going through the motions.  our hearts must change and that journey starts at the foot of the cross.  There we see that those who need forgiving - who need love the most - deserve it the least.  Again, that would be who?  Well, us!  And in turn, we must do for others.

What I really started this post to say was that I have scratched some things off of my procrastinated "to do" list.  I got my car inspected and ordered heart worm and flea meds for the animals (I need a second job now, but that's another story.)  I've returned unread library books and cleaned (a relative term) the bathroom counter.  And more.  ;-)

Prayers that Lent continues to be fruitful!

adoration

A few years ago, I mentioned something to a friend - a life-long Catholic - about Adoration, and she looked at me like I had two heads.  What's that?  But it hasn't been that many years that I've discovered the wonderful gift that it is.  I don't ever remember attending Adoration during my growing up years or Catholic school years.  I was a child of the 70's...maybe that explains it.

(This picture was taken while visiting the Monastery where my BFF lives.)

Somewhere along the line, though, I got an inkling of what Adoration was.  I think I even went once during our college days with my friend who is now a nun.  I remember sitting in a big room with the monstrance in front.  I got bored after a while.  There's only so much you can do while you're sitting there, right?

After that, it was years, maybe decades before I experienced Adoration again.  I knew that a church near me had a perpetual adoration chapel, but I was always scared to go.  I guess I figured everyone would turn around and look or I would do the wrong thing.  But my sister-in-law, after visiting the chapel with a friend, invited me along one day, and that was all it took.  (That evangelizing thing...) 

As Catholics, we believe that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist.  It's not a symbol.  He is really there.  And thus, when the Consecrated Host is present, Jesus is really there.  I am no longer bored in the presence of Jesus.  I am awed and humbled.  I am comforted and challenged.  I am thankful and sorrowful.  Confronted and affirmed.  But never bored.

No one gives anyone else a second glance at the Adoration Chapel.  You might get a smile or nod of the head, but most everyone is focused on their own conversation with the Lord.  There might be 4 or 5 or more other people, but you can spend an hour in utter, absolute sacred silence.   I sometimes substitute at this chapel when someone can't make "their" hour, but most often, I just drop in, when I've had one of "those" days or when I just want some time with the Lord.  The only bit of etiquette that I picked up, is that when the Blessed Sacrament is exposed, it is proper to genuflect on both knees (think kneeling in the aisle). 

I've had some wonderful conversations with the Lord.  It is so quiet there that I can hear Him.  Or maybe, it is more that I can feel Him.  I often take my journal.  Sometimes I write, and He speaks to me through the written word.  This time, I was kind of unfocused, and in spite of my lack of artistic talent, I sketched.  Some pray the Rosary.  Some read.  Sometimes when I know that confession is in the near future, I will ask the Lord to help me find the things that need fixing.  It still amazes me how well this works when you listen.  Sometimes I just sit and listen.  

Sometimes Our Lord is exposed in a monstrance.  A priest friend told me that another word for a monstrance is "ostensorium."  It's rather ostentatious, isn't it?   

But some are simple.  This picture was taken at a retreat with Immaculee.  In this context, Adoration took place with us kneeling on the floor in the convention center.  A priest, blessed with the gift of healing, slowly processed the monstrance around the room, stopping every few feet and blessing those present with it.  One of those things that can only be described by experiencing it, I think.   You will notice his hands on his stole.  He used the stole to hold the monstrance - not touching it directly with his hands.  A way to show reverence and respect. 

But Jesus need not be in a monstrance for Adoration to take place.  He is also present in the Tabernacle, and I have found that when it is not convenient to go to the chapel, I can visit him at the church near my work.  It is open all day, and a couple of the doors have coded key pads, so that one who knows the code can also visit at night.  What a wonderful, wonderful thing!

 

 This is the tabernacle at the church that I visit before school.  I stay 20 minutes or so.  It is quality time.  I usually just sit or kneel in a pew at a distance, and usually I am alone.  One morning, though, a lady came in and marched right up to the tabernacle.  I thought maybe she was going to open it and remove a host to take to a homebound person, or some such thing.  But, no, she just stood in front of it, and spoke quietly to Jesus.  She says she comes every day. 

I once saw a youtube video (and I might have included it in this blog in the past).  It was a Catholic version using MercyMe's "I Can Only Imagine" 

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?....I can only imagine....

The bottom line was that you don't have to imagine.  Jesus waits for every hour of every day in the Blessed Sacrament in churches and chapels everywhere.  We can be in His Presence.  Give it a try!

oh yeah...about that...

I've been meaning to get around to that!

My name is Karen and I'm a procrastinator.  Like it's any big secret to those that know me.  I mean, it's not a crime or anything, is it?

But the other day,  as I was sitting in the church (I really like the 15 or 20 minutes that I have to reflect in the mornings) just about to leave, inspiration hit.  Divine inspiration?  "It's the procrastination," the 'voice' said.  Wasn't really a voice - just a "knowing".  Somewhat out of nowhere, because I don't think I was praying for much of anything specific.  Just kind of sitting in the Presence.

I've approached this Lent with a spirit of openness..."tell me what you want me to know, God".  So for God to tell me that I procrastinate, that wasn't any big news.  I've always "worked better under pressure."  I don't think I've ever seen "Do you procrastinate?" on any examination of conscience list.  Maybe they haven't gotten around to putting it there yet? (just kidding...)

And in that moment - it really didn't take long - because I was getting ready to leave (and since I'd waited until the last moment to leave...there wasn't much time to spare) I knew that procrastination IS a problem in my life...something that needs to change.  Something that God can help me change.  Something that I can fast from.

It permeates just about every area of life.  I have library books in the back seat of my car.  Why not just take them back?  Bills that don't get paid on time.  (Although payroll deduction is the best thing since ice cream for that.)  Paperwork that doesn't get turned in on time.  Messes that don't get cleaned up.  Stuff that doesn't get done.  Because it is too overwhelming to know where to start.  My vehicle inspection is expired.

Is it a sin?  Does it come under sloth?  I don't know.  Probably.  But I know that it makes my life less than what it could be, and that is what I said when I went to confession the other day.  It is something that I need the help of the Divine Physician to heal.

Why did I not think of this before?  It really is pretty obvious.  I  think that God shows us bit by bit according to what we can handle what we need to know.

So the accompanying Lenten idea was to make a list of things that I've been putting off.  I have a cool "sticky note" app on my iPad for that.  (So you can't really see it here, but you can get the basic idea...)   Each day I will do something towards something on the list.  Maybe I won't get it all the way scratched off.  But progress counts for something.  Forward momentum. 

Prayers for success?

fertile ground

I wonder if so many religious communities garden because of the spiritual aspects of it.  It was a beautiful day today, and I was able to get a few things done outside.  It is quiet, and my mind wanders... 

Maybe this is what our spiritual life looks like by the time Lent arrives.  

There's decent soil underneath, but there's also a lot of junk piled on top, weeds growing, dead stuff...

No doubt there's some good things there. 

Like this strawberry plant left over from last year.  

But before it is going to flourish, some cleaning needs to be done, and maybe some compost needs to be added.

The leaves that have fallen need to be brushed away.  

Then the weeds need to be pulled out...roots and all.

Some of them are easy enough to pull out bare-handed.  

But some of them are clearly going to need more than MY bare hands to pull them out. 

But when all is said and done... you are left with fertile ground.  

A place which can bear fruit and nourishment.  

Something to sustain us.  

Something that we can share with others.

Perhaps that is how Lent is.  We dust off our souls, take a good look, assess what might need to be done.  Then we set to work - all with God's help.  We might need to add some things...prayer, time spent in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, or spiritual reading.  We might need to remove some things that are choking off what growth we need to do.  Some of those things can be removed easily - giving something up.  But some things need a little extra help....the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  We might need to give of ourself.  The end result - hopefully - is a place in our heart where the Word of God can put down roots.  Growth.  Sharing with those who hunger.

Prayers for a blessed Lent and a bountiful harvest!

 3.12.11  Would it be too much to edit this post to add that I went to confession this afternoon.  Very nearly the first words out of the priest's mouth by way of encouragement were something about seeing our lives as "fertile ground for redemption".  I've heard him use that terminology before, so I wasn't totally awed and amazed.  More like God sending a wink and a thumbs-up my way, and further confirmation that the priest is a pencil in God's hand. 

turning towards lent

Mardi Gras is in full swing here!   It comes on parades and culminates its own season - beginning on the Epiphany and ending at 11:59 pm on the Tuesday preceding Ash Wednesday.  Not quite a liturgical season...but almost.  I thought today that Father's vestments  - green with gold accents worked well with the "season".  There are King Cakes made in the shape of a crown, with a baby (the baby Jesus) hidden inside, decorated in the Mardi Gras colors of green, purple, and gold.  There are balls, complete with kings and queens. There are beads - like things of this world - a cheap imitation of the gifts of great value.

Lent sneaks up on no one in South Louisiana, but for years, Ash Wednesday would appear, and I'd begin to think about what I might do for Lent.  Kind of late at that point, and it usually led to some spur of the moment decision.  Not all of those were bad, however.  About five or six years ago, we were already immersed in Lent and I was still looking.  Something (the Holy Spirit?)  told me that I could probably make the 6:30 a.m. Mass that was offered at my parish 3 days a week.  Just to make sure, I approached my pastor who was helping us with our preparations for the upcoming Mass with our Cub Scout Pack for Scout Sunday.  "How long is daily Mass?" I asked.  "It depends on if I've had my coffee or not," was the friendly reply.  So I took a chance and showed up.  The rest is history.  It's not really a penance, but a joy, and something has had such a positive effect in my life.

Now as Lent approaches, I find myself considering what I might "do" for Lent.   I hear people say that they don't give something up, but rather add something.  It's all good.  The giving up is a discipline - even with things like chocolate or television.  There is some spiritual benefit just in denying self.  Giving up things like foul language, complaining,and gossiping benefits many.  Adding something is beneficial as well.  Additional time spent in prayer, in worship, or in helping our fellow man.

I was reading something this morning, and it noted that we all seem to have some resolutions that we keep in the back of our mind to pull out for such occasions as Ash Wednesday.  Last year, I had several things that were on my list for Lent.  A little bit of the "more is better" mentality, maybe.  And when Lent didn't turn out the way I thought it would - how dare God not follow MY script - I had to stop and consider why?  Was it not enough?  Not sincere enough?  What went wrong?

Ultimately, I think I concluded that it was my expectations that went wrong.  I had *my* plans for Lent, and God had His.  There were many good things that happened in my vicinity, but I nearly  missed them because I was wondering where God was.  God doesn't work like a vending machine.

So this year, I've reviewed my mental list.  I've sat in the dark church before school, and asked God to give me some idea of what HE might want from me.  Strangely, I don't feel all that called to give up chocolate - a Lenten standby for several years.  I happened upon  a post in Jenny's blog a week or so ago about complaining, and think that might have been God guiding me in that direction.  (Made even more clear when Jenny became one of my 'followers' the next day.... even though I hadn't left a comment).  And the Rosary...that's been a developing "thing" the last year.  I'm not sure where I'll fit it in, but perhaps that will be part of the journey.  Today I got an email from Immaculee suggesting that we (I) join her in a Novena of the Seven Sorrows Rosary starting on Ash Wednesday until the retreat we are attending on April 15.   God's suggestion?

Uncluttering was another of the things on my mental list.  My house is so badly in need of it, and it is overwhelming.  I am wondering if the grace of lent would help me accomplish what I can not/have not accomplished by myself.  But I haven't felt too much leading me in that direction...

And so that's where I am in my Lenten ponderings.  I will continue to attend daily Mass whenever I am able.  That is a blessing.  And Stations of the Cross on Friday evenings at my parish. 

What about you?  What is God asking of you during this season?  What are you offering to Him?

about late blooms

Back in March, I had a post about late blooms.  I wasn't really feeling God's presence in my Lent, and was rather disappointed.  I mentioned it to my pastor, and he said not to be too quick to write off Lent as a failure - that it might be a "late bloom".  At that time, it was almost Easter, and my Easter lilies weren't blooming, either, so I thought it was a cool image (and good advice, it turned out.)

My Easter Lilies are now blooming.  I have tried in vain to get a picture that really captures them.  This one will have to do; my lens was fogged up because it was cooler inside than outside. 

Very much feeling the Presence right now!

supper with the Lord

The official name for the Holy Thursday Mass is "Mass of the Lord's Supper". Supper just sounds so common. Couldn't it be the "Mass of the Lord's Abundant Feast" or something that really sounds impressive? But then "supper" sounds so much more approachable and down-to-earth.

I think this is my favorite liturgical celebration of the Three Days that make up the Triduum(Thursday, Friday, and Saturday) marking the transition from Lent to Easter.

My kids weren't interested in attending, and truth be told, I wasn't all that interested in taking them. Just so you don't think I'm a slacker parent, I have taken them. Note the past tense. Three years ago, our first Holy Thursday experience was a mom and kids event. I remember, "mom, it smells like something's burning". Ummmm that would be the incense. "Mom I need to go to the bathroom, BAAAAAD." That was during the washing of the feet. Guess it was the power of suggestion of the water. "Mom, I'm staaaaarving." That was as we waited in line for our turn for adoration. We left.

The next year, I went to Mass alone, but did go home and pick them up to spend about 15 minutes or so at Adoration. That was a better experience.

One of the things that makes this celebration my favorite (quite possibly my favorite in the entire year) is that it is followed by adoration. There were only a handful of people that stayed more than a few minutes, but it is such a wonderful, peaceful time to sit in the Lord's Presence and have a conversation with Him.

The scripture verse that caught my attention was from John's Gospel: "Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later." That pretty much sums up my whole lent in a nutshell. Not only do I not understand, I don't have a clue what the Lord is doing in my life right now. But I don't have to understand. All I have to do is have faith and trust, which is there for the asking with God.

holy week

Holy Week, so far.... I remember when we were young, we did not have school during Holy Week.  But now, we do.

So far, this year, I think we've done a decent job of keeping it holy in our family. I was able to make it to Mass and confession on Monday.  I had a meeting Tuesday morning, so Mass was out, but we made it to a Penance service Tuesday night, so that dear hubby and one of my offspring who had not been to confession yet during Lent, could go.  There were 6 priests, and probably 150 penitents.  It was scheduled from 7:00 to 8:30, but when we left at 8:45, there were still 4 priests hearing confessions - each with 5 or 6 people still in line.  It was good to see.

While I was standing in line (I was a place-holder for dear hubby) I was whispering to the person standing next to me.  (I know her from Boy Scouts.)  She told me about an outdoor stations of the cross on Friday morning.  We might try to go to that.  I think the kids might appreciate it more than the time at church.  

The son who was with us last night, spent his time praying for his classmates and teachers, he told me.  The classmates got "Hail Mary's" and the teachers got "Our Fathers".   He jumped in a line early-on and was finished a long time before hubby, who moves a lot more slowly.

I was delighted to make it to Mass this morning.  There were probably a 100 or more people in attendance.  It was amazing for a daily Mass.  This is a small church, so it was almost like a  Sunday Mass.  I am used to sitting somewhat "alone" for daily Masses, but I had "neighbors" today. 

Tonight was a Tenebrae service at our parish.  Tenebrae is Latin for "shadows" or "darkness" and follows the basic format of the Liturgy of the Hours.  There were 3 Psalms chanted with responses and prayers following.  Then a reading from Revelations.  Then 3 Lamentations from Jeremiah were chanted.  I really need to read them, because it is a little difficult to pick it all up in chant.  "Return to me, O Jerusalem."  The Lamentations were each followed by a song.  My favorite was "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. As each Psalm or Lamentation was chanted, the lights in the church were dimmed, until all that remained was the lights in the sanctuary.   That was followed by a homily by our pastor.  I could listen to him all day.  After the homily, the Magnificat was sung, intercessions were prayed.  There was a loud noise at the end (some say symbolizing the closing of the tomb and others say symbolizing and earthquake) while the lit Easter Candle was removed and then replaced in the sanctuary, and then all departed in silence. I have been to the Tenebrae service for several years, and it always leaves me just kind of ??  This was the best one yet!

Tomorrow is Holy Thursday.  I think that liturgy is one of my favorites.  Looking forward to it!

Leaving you with Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise."  God's promise to us...

late blooms

 

I made it this morning!  Imagine that something would actually go according to plan!  But I was there at the appointed time for confession.  Perfect timing because another sinner was exiting the confessional just as I entered the church.  I think my heart always pounds on the way, but once I sit down and start, the nervousness mostly goes away.  "Bless me Father..."  Same formula I memorized back in third grade.  Only the sins have changed.  So I went down the list on my post-it-note.  Don't want to be too long-winded, but there are always things in life that can be done better.

 I mentioned at the end, my disappointment in this Lent.  Not that it was necessarily a sin, but I knew the good monsignor would have an honest assessment for me.    We talked for a few minutes about that. He told me not be be too quick to pronounce this Lent as a failure; that it might be a "late bloom".  I told him I was hoping!  (The above picture is from my garden - one of my Easter Lillies.  Looks like it might be a late bloom, too!)  He also said that it IS alright to let God know what we would like for Him to accomplish in our lives, as long as we understand that our part in that is to surrender and be open to whatever His plans might be.  He always wills our good; even if it's not in the way that we had planned.

It was a pretty good day today.  My assistant said my cheeks were rosy.  More likely from being out in the sun yesterday cutting the grass, but I told her it was that "after confession glow".  All that grace!  I'm ready for Holy Week.  The sins have been washed away, and I am sitting here doing my best to be open to whatever Jesus is accomplishing with me this Lent.

On the way home, I heard an Amy Grant song that I had not heard before.  The chorus says. 

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

I thought that fit the mood pretty well.

And here is one more song that makes me think of confession and God's awesome gift of mercy every time I hear it:  
 


Happy Holy Week!