so much grace

Something about this time of year makes me want to put down thoughts somewhere and Facebook just isn't the right medium for it.

It's been a time of grace - the last few months.  Lent started in February and I wrote down a prayer or two. "Lord, grant me the wisdom and humility to see myself as you do....Help me to see."

And instead of caving into the temptation to do a million things for Lent, I picked 2 things - getting up when the alarm went off the first time and writing names of friends and family on a calendar and praying/offering the sacrifices of each day for them.  Both of my Lenten observances were works in progress.  The calendar worked when I remembered to look to see who I was praying for.  So many days the conversation went, "Lord, I am offering this Mass for whoever is on my calendar today."  I had even taken a picture of it on my phone, so I would have it.  But then most days for Mass my phone was in the car.  And getting up when the alarm went off...well, that went OK the first week, but then Daylight Savings Time happened, and the struggle was on.

God, for His part did grant the things I asked for.  Oh, indeed I could see, and there were other things that He put in my path that I took advantage of.  God would get an A+ for this Lent.  I was probably about a C-.
One of the graces of Lent was a Catholic Youth Fest held at a seminary a couple of hours from home in late March.  I had heard of it a few years ago, but at the time going just wasn't in the cards.  This year, it was.  Both of my boys and their girlfriends went, and ENJOYED it!

Tell me this is not a grace.  Of all the lines...food, bathroom, church tours... this was by far the longest. There were about 2 dozen priests scattered throughout the clearing in the woods, sitting under umbrellas. They said that over 800 people made their way through the confession line that day.  

 And this.  4,500 people  - most of them teens - at Mass with an Archbishop, 2 Bishops, and dozens of priests.  Right before Mass ended, the Archbishop addressed the crowd, asking for those young people who were actively discerning or who would be OPEN to discerning a vocation in religious life,  should the Lord call, to come forward.  There were hundreds who did so.  My youngest turned around and said to me, "Well, that's an awkward question to say "yes" to when your girlfriend is right here!"  Grace.

 Here's my four favorite young people at Mass.  Boys and their girlfriends - one Catholic, one not.  All claimed to have enjoyed the day and asked about returning next year.  Grace.

Young people praying in the Chapel Tent in the woods.  Quiet. Still.  Grace.

Early in the week, there had been a 90% chance of rain forecast for the day of the Festival.  Gradually, it subsided to 50%.  It was a beautiful, warm, spring day, and the rain held off until about 8 pm.  At that time, the events abruptly concluded before the final speaker finished and before the candlelit adoration.  But that was grace, too.

My "take away" was from the last speaker - a seminarian named Joe Bass.  He was leading up to Adoration, and told the teens, "Jesus did not come to bring you a good conduct report.  He didn't come to bring you a sticker and a Dum-Dum.  He came to meet you in your brokenness."

This year, our pastor was available for confessions on the Tuesday evenings of Lent.  Only 30 minutes, but it still beats Saturday afternoons.  I went one of the Tuesday evenings towards the middle of Lent, and I was #4 of 4 penitents, I think.  The Tuesday of Holy Week, he was available for an hour, and there was a much bigger crowd.  It was to this one, that one of my teens accompanied me.  When they were much younger, we used to indulge in ice cream after confession.  Some things don't change, I discovered. But it's grace when your young adults will still set foot in a confessional.  And for the record...that flavor of ice cream...worth every single calorie.  My penance that night was to offer Mass the next day in thanksgiving for God's mercy and to be open to His graces during Holy Week with a "warm heart".

Wednesday was our Tennebrae Service.  I always go, but don't always walk away inspired.  This year, I got a text in the middle of the day from our choir director asking if I was going and if I would read for it.  Being open to whatever graces might be there, I answered back "yes and yes".  I spent the day at our Special Olympics Track meet and it was hot and very sunny.  I was spent by the time the evening rolled around, but the music was lovely - you could just sit back, close your eyes, and listen, the Psalms, Lamentations...it all came together.

Holy Thursday is my favorite day of the Liturgical Year, I think, and for weeks, I had contemplated taking the day off.  At some point, I got an email from one of my friends during Lent inviting me to the Passion Play on Thursday morning at her son's school, and I figured that was a sign to take the day off.  So I did.

The Senior Class put on the play, and it was well-done and moving.  My youngest son, who had gone to school with some of these kids in elementary and middle school also took the day off and came with me. Grace.

The next stop of the day was the Chrism Mass.  I've been a few times before, and love it.  My regular church lady friend couldn't come, so I invited my sister-in-law.  I sensed that she wasn't sure about coming, because she had a lot to do that day, but she did.  The priests of the diocese come to this Mass to renew their promises as a priest and also to receive the blessed oils (thus the name Chrism Mass) for use in their ministries and parishes.  As you see row after row of priests file into the pews, you are struck by the diversity of the priesthood.  There are fat and skinny, tall and short, old and young.  Priests in shiny loafers and priests in worn black sneakers.  Black, white, Indian, and Asian.  Priests who are bald and even a priest with a pony tail.  And then there is a deep appreciation for all of them - whether they are long-winded or short and sweet, arrogant or humble, simple or extravagant, funny or serious, - a deep appreciation for their "yes". Grace.

I have no pictures of the Chrism Mass; it would just not be appropriate to pull out a camera or an iphone and start clicking.  And it probably wouldn't capture it anyway...the sights, the music that is right next to heaven, the incense. When all was said and done, my sister-in-law turned to me and says, "We're coming EVERY year!"  Grace.

Thursday evening is the Mass of the Lord's Supper, and if I could only go to one Mass a year, this would be it!  I have no pictures of it, either.  It is a simple affair at our parish.  No feet are washed.  Adoration only continues for an hour after Mass.  But the Eucharistic procession touches me every year.  Our priest carefully wraps his vestment around the ciborium containing the Blessed Sacrament, as a mother would wrap up a child going out into the cold, holds it close to him and slowly processes around the inside of the church, up and down each side.  It gets me every time - Jesus walking among us.  It is grace.  And the period of Adoration...it passes way too quickly, but it is a lovely, quiet time to reflect on Lent that is now over and to look forward to the events of Good Friday and beyond.  Grace.

There was a side note to my grace this year.  All during Lent, and even before, I have struggled with getting to daily Mass on time.  For the past few years, I have driven my kids to the bus stop, waited for the bus, and then proceeded to Mass, and the times worked out perfectly - I was seldom late.  Now my remaining high schooler drives himself most days, and the urgency to get out of the house is not the same.  I have brought the struggle to confession, once, twice, maybe more.  It has been way harder than it needs to be.  But the struggle is real, as they say.  I know that I checked the time for the Chrism Mass, and relayed the time to my sister-in-law.  I "knew" it was at 10:00, and we were there nearly an hour early.  10:00 rolled around, and things didn't seem to be starting.  Oops, it was 10:30.  As I sat there waiting, it occurred to me that God had indeed found a way to get those minutes back that I had been late.  Grace!

That would be funny enough, except that I repeated the scenario almost exactly for the evening Mass.  I had copied and pasted the Mass schedule from last year's (or the year before's) altar server schedule and missed the fact that Mass was at 6:30 and not 6:00.  I felt a little bad for my altar servers who were there an hour early, but they (and their parents) were good about it.  Grace. And God's sense of humor.

May God's grace find you in the celebrations yet to come as part of the Triduum and the Easter season. Look for Him with a warm heart and an open mind.

sigh

Just one big sigh.

Nothing is really wrong.  And nothing is really fantastic.  It is January.

One day the weather is cold - like 40ish.  The next day it is 70 degrees and 180% humidity.  The sidewalks "sweat" when it is like that.  And my hair frizzes worse than normal.  I have to check weather.com in the morning to know how to dress.  In between changes, it is stormy. 

I just tried to upload an image to my sidebar, but I was told my picture storage with Picassa Web Albums was full.  Sigh. Someone told me good things about Picassa a while back, so I installed it on my computer.  I have yet to really figure out how to deal with it.  I think I probably have multiple copies of picture (unintentionally), and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to delete a picture in Picassa.  Oh well.  It's not a problem that bothers me enough to spend much time trying to solve it.

It was an image about opposing the contraception mandate that Obama and his cronies are trying to shove down our throats.  I have just SO had enough of them.  I never liked them to begin with.  I could only listen to his Campaign Kick-Off  State of the Union Address the other night in short bits.  Ughhh.  And to think if we have to endure 4 more years.

It has been six weeks since I have had a paycheck.  That is making me grouchy.  We get paid on the last work day of the month.  I am counting the days.  And trying to make the little bit of gas in my tank stretch.

Things at school.  Should I even go there?  A fifth grader bought marijuana at school from another fifth grader a few weeks ago.  He had buyer's remorse and tried to get a refund, but I guess he didn't have his receipt!  An eighth grader stabbing another student (one of his friends) with a hair pick over a basketball game.  It could have been so much worse than it was.  [Sigh].  Paperwork.  Kids that never, ever have a pencil.  No matter if you give them one every day.  Ditto for paper.  It wears on you after a while to have to constantly fight the little things.  And then the big things happen.

It is Ordinary Time in the church.  I am feeling kind of ordinary myself.

We had altar server training last weekend - for new altar servers.  It has been in the bulletin for 3 weeks, and the good Father has announced it the past two after every Mass.  I had one child show up. [Sigh]  Uno.  Thank goodness for him, because for a little while I was afraid there would be no one. God sends what we need, right?

Is January giving you the mid-winter blues?  

happy new year!

What a "holiday"!  Never have I been so glad to return to work after one!  But here I am...still here...still kickin'!

Do I start at the beginning and go to the end?   Or start with the present and work backwards?

The "grandkids" were here for 10 days.  I have grandkids in quotes, because they are dear hubby's, not mine.  I don't mean to be ugly about it, but I am the mother of 2 teenagers.  I am the "uncle mama" (as the oldest grandchild accurately called me when he was much younger).  I don't feel very grandmotherly and I guess that's one thing you can't really rush.  I love my stepson, but it is not the same love that I have for my own two boys. 

Here they are...at the birthday party x 3 that was at my house. #1 is in the black shirt, #2 in the box, #3 in pink.  #4 has her back to us,  for #5  you can only see the head at the bottom of the pic, and #6 is my stepson's "mini-me"...blonde hair and all.  Here's another picture from the party...the anatomically (ahem) correct unicorn...

There were good moments, to be sure.  But it was just too much.  The parents didn't stay at my house, so when I hosted children, I couldn't be the indulgent grandmother, but rather had to work too hard at keeping law and order, feeding the picky, and keeping up with dishes and clothes.  The worst (can I complain?  yep, it's my blog, I surely can!) was New Year's Eve.  I had 4 of the six, plus my own two boys.  My husband was working.  I hadn't really asked for all 4...they just kind of ended up in my car with their backpacks.  Who was I going to send back?  Meanwhile the parents and grandmother rang in the New Year's with only 2 children.  Yeah, you might be sensing a tiny bit of resentment there.

The 5 year old slept with my younger teen, who had the pleasure of staying with him until he went to sleep/passed out.  "Mom, I don't think I want to be a teen dad," he told me after that night.  Better than all the courses on abstinence he could ever take!  Really, I wouldn't have made it without my boys!  They went outside later in the evening to pop some fireworks.  "Be especially careful not to blow off any body parts that will need reattaching," I warned them, 'because I am NOT taking six children to the emergency room!"  I was serious.

I had made it crystal clear that anyone who slept over at my house on Saturday would be going to church on Sunday, and should bring clothes appropriate for the occasion.  Still, one showed up with only the clothes she had on, and another said nothing fit, another couldn't find socks.  Nonetheless, we made it to Mass and everyone had the vital necessities covered.  The behavior was pretty good.  The five year old was probably the best.   The 12 year old made his First Communion that day.  (oops)  He has been with us to Mass before, and has always gone up for a blessing when we receive Holy Communion, but Sunday, he was seated behind us with his uncles (we have short pews that don't hold 8 people) and received.  There was nothing to do at that point. 

Anyway, as I said, there were good moments (hearing "I pooped in my underwear was NOT one of them) but 10 days was too long for me.  Call me selfish.  I went along with the program.  I did what I needed to do.  I don't think I caused any long-lasting harm to any of the children.  Chances are, I'll be in this situation again, and should probably be better prepared.  But by Sunday afternoon, I was done!  Finding the change container in my car MIA later that evening, when I needed 4¢ more to complete my transaction at the Dollar General did nothing to improve things. 

After the holidays I had had - the Christmas morning fiasco and the many moments of being a mom of many, I knew confession was a stop that needed to be on my itinerary sooner, rather than later.  On Wednesday, I dropped my kids off at the bus, and then made my way to the church near my school.  There is no Mass there on Wednesday mornings, so I spent about an hour there...just conversing with the Lord, reading a little bit, speaking with him in the tabernacle, and praying at the statue of the Holy Family, kneeling at the manger, where even there He reaches up to touch us.  I think I probably made myself more nervous than I needed to be about confession, but when I left the church that morning at about 7:30, the sun was up, and the sky was absolutely radiant.  I wish I would have had my camera, but pictures wouldn't have done it justice.  I knew then that things would be OK. 

I drove down the road to my church.  Mass is at 8, and that is too late for me with work, but confessions are at 7:45, which is perfect!  Bless me Father...it's just been a couple of weeks...but they sure were some long ones!  He's OK with a little humor, sometimes.  I said what I had to say, owned the things I needed to own, but then I had a question.  I don't generally bring up what other people say and do in confession, because it's about me, not them, but this I needed an answer to.  I hesitated, because I wasn't sure if he would give me an answer or not, but I went ahead and asked.  I have said it before, and I will say it again....my confessor is awesome!  He was so kind, so encouraging and affirming.  He laid it all on the table, spelled it out.  He knew exactly what I was asking, and knew exactly what to say in response.  I felt so much better leaving than I did coming in!  I have no idea how long we spoke - 5, 10 minutes, but it made the whole day better!

And so here we are....the Christmas season is almost over.  We have rung in 2012.  (Is anyone planning to wait until after the supposed end of time to Christmas shop this year?).  The church will soon switch over to Ordinary time for a few weeks before Lent...and life rolls on. 

Our task and my penance from yesterday to reflect on...To do the will of God, to do it in the manner in which He wills it, and to do it because it is His will.  (From St. Elizabeth Seton - who's feast was yesterday)

preparation and anticipation

Or alternately titled, I don't have everything bought and wrapped and need a respite from the madness.  (And making up for the recent lack of pictures.)

Wednesday, I picked up my friend for her meeting with our priest.  Wednesday was one of those days when hardly anything went right, but this did.  She met with him in his office, while I waited in the church (a blessed hour for me, for sure)  He answered all of her questions, she said what she needed to say.  He was kind and wise (as he always is) and in about an hour, nearly 40 years of "stuff" was washed away.  She said he did not talk down to her, he did not question or fuss (I had told her he wouldn't, but...).  Thank you for holy, humble priests who make time for this wonderful sacrament.  As we left, he was knocking on the door to the office of another priest who has an office on our parish property.  His turn at confession, she said.  Yep, priests go, too.  Preparing for Christmas.

Our first Christmas in our new house!!  Finally I have a house that I can decorate!!  But I had no decorations.  I was beginning to imagine that our neighbors thought we were Jewish or something.  Bought this ^ yesterday at Lowe's.  It was relatively inexpensive.  I think there are 2 categories of people - those who like white lights and those who like the colors.  We are color lights people! 

The tree is from the "old house".  As a matter of fact it was still in the shed there, and that was one of my things on Wednesday morning - extracting it.  It took up way too much square footage in the old house, but it looks quite inadequate here.  Part of it broke as we were putting it up.  Thank you to my younger child for taking care of the tree-putting-up duties.

We decorate to make things special for the one who is going to visit, the good Father says.  We need to make sure we do as much "decorating" on the inside (in our souls) as we do on the outside.  But perhaps that was an idea that was better suited for earlier in Advent.  It is kind of lost on some members of my family.  Sometimes I feel like the voice of one calling out in the desert.  Other times, I remind myself that even Jesus wasn't accepted among his people.  I mentioned to my little family the other night that Father was hearing confessions that evening from 6:30 to 7:30.  I had no takers, just a sarcastic comment.  (sigh)  I forget that I live among saints sometimes. (Oops...would that be sarcsasm?)

Waiting for the One who is to come.  I am so thrilled to have room to set up things this year.  The side view (below).  Those who have yet to arrive on the scene.

When we moved, one thing that we had in spades was wrapping paper.  We would buy it, not use it, and then by the next year, could not find it, or it was buried under whatever.  It was like an archaeological dig.  I may never have to buy wrapping paper again.  Especially if the world ends next year before Christmas.  What's the date?  December 21, 2012??  I don't keep up with that stuff.

We had a lot of Christmas lights, too.  Not sure what happened to them.  Maybe we didn't bring them?  Maybe they are still in the shed.  For whatever reason, the tree was half-lighted.

But we fixed that.  I had bought 2 of the garland thingies from Lowes - having no clue how much it would take for the bannister.  The second one became tree lights.

I have wrapped some of the presents (in vintage wrapping paper, no less).  Is it ironic that the first present under our tree is from my stepson's mother?  Probably so.  My stepson is coming in from out of town today with his wife and (6) children.  Most of them are staying at his mom's house (our old house), so we are dropping off some cots over there later today.  It is nice to have a relationship that is not full of mistrust and animosity, but it wasn't always that way.  That is why the Prince of Peace humbled Himself to come into our midst.

 
This morning after 6:30 Mass, we decorated our church - a friend and I, and the good Monsignor.  This was 2 1/2 hours of a labor of love.  We brought the flowers and the nativity figures in from the parish hall and got the wreaths and other decor out of the attic above the sacristy.  Curves was closed today, but I got my workout in, I assure you!  Monsignor took care of the sanctuary, my friend and I took care of the rest of the church.  It was our third year, and this year, it worked out well.  We all knew what needed to be done.  "Enough, but not too much," was the consensus.  He says that is how you know when decorating is well-done.

The choir loft.  That gold thing took more time than it should have to attach (with ducT tape and velcro).

A wreath underneath each station of the cross.

There were new decorations for the window sills this year.  Two years ago, we put spray-painted pine cones there.  All throughout Mass, you heard the sounds of pine cones hitting the floor.  At the end of Mass, in the back corner near the cry room, was a little pile of pine cones.  I pointed that out to our priest, and we shared a laugh. Last year, we skipped the pine cones.  This year, a parishioner made these arrangements for the window sills.  Very nice!

And when we were done, there was a beautiful poinsettia for each of us from our pastor.  "Extras," I asked?  (Was that a dumb question?)  "No, by design," he quietly said.   It is so nice to be appreciated!  And I had just the spot for it!

And so it is almost upon us.  In all of the buying and wrapping and decorating....let us not lose sight of Who's birthday it is and what we are celebrating.  May our preparations point the way to Jesus, who loved us enough to become one of us!

Not sure if I'll be back here before Christmas, but if I'm not....a joyful, peaceful, safe Christmas to all of you and yours!

lost in translation?

I confess, I am a liturgical geek.  So here are my musings, as such...

Thursday, at Thanksgiving Mass, I knew that would be the last time I would hear that particular translation of the Mass.  No big fanfare.

Friday morning, we replaced the missalettes at our parish, as we do every so often, usually coinciding with a change in liturgical seasons.  But this time was special.  This time, there were pew cards, too!  The Ladies' Altar Society was in charge of changing the missalettes (and I showed up, along with a Boy Scout and his family because none of the ladies can lift the full boxes once the old missalettes are packed up).  But our pastor had charged our sacristan with putting the pew cards in the pews.  He guarded that duty with great care!  After the ladies had all left, he and I chatted for a bit.  I offered to help him with the cards - he suffers with arthritis and various other ailments - but he declined.  I was stepping into my car, about to leave him to his task, when he reconsidered, "Would you mind helping me?"  Not at all. 

I was ready for Mass on Saturday evening a full hour ahead of time.  I wanted to be there for the unveiling of this new translation, for sure!  History in the making!  You could feel the excitement!

The "pew cards" contain a condensed version of the new translation of the Mass, so that you are not stuck flipping through the missalette.  This is the first real change in about 40 years.  "Translation Sunday", our cantor called it.  I thought he had the best line of the evening when he was reviewing some of the musical changes with us..."The words to the Great Amen have not changed...it's still 'amen.'"  Well, thank goodness for small favors, I suppose.

It was a little overwhelming with both new music and the new translation.  Even though Father reminded everyone before he began Mass that "and also with you" would now be "and with your spirit," 20 seconds later, when he said "Peace be with you," the replies were about 50/50  "and also with you/ and with your spirit."  It is just so automatic for most of us. By the end of the Mass, you were thinking about every word before you spoke it...."Amen is still amen?  The Our Father...it didn't change, did it?  Lord hear our prayer?...still good?"  This morning, at the end of Mass, Father said to "Go in Peace," and some people questioningly mumbled, "Thanks be to God." 

Our good monsignor, who has really down-played the whole new translation thing, said that he hadn't been this nervous for his first Mass.  But all, in all, it went pretty well for a first time, and it will get better each week.   I put a shout-out on my facebook page to all my Catholic friends and family "on leave" from the church.  Come back now, and you will be as lost as everyone else!  Really, a limited-time opportunity.

I like the new sound of the prayers.  Like a well seasoned dish, rather than a plain piece of bread.  They have made it even more beautiful!

Because I am a liturgical geek, I noticed a couple of months ago, that our pastor had tweaked ever so slightly the part of Mass where he said "This is the Lamb of God...."  He began to end it with the same ending as the new translation.  Last night, I realized why...the server clears the Missal from the altar during the Sign of Peace, so our priest says that part from memory.  All he needed to do last night was to add the beginning.

I noticed another something and that was as he prepared the altar for the Eucharistic Prayer.  From atop the chalice (?) he took a cloth (the corporal?) and unfolded it, spreading it on the altar before beginning his prayer.  Not sure if that was a universal change, or just an option he decided to exercise.

 And...last but not least our altar servers had new albs after a gazillion years of the old ones!! 

Happy New Year to my Catholic friends!  May your Advent find you waiting at the door of your heart...ready to open with the Lord knocks!

empty tomb

Running a bit behind on this post, but life has been hectic the past few days!

A friend and I stayed after the Good Friday Service and assisted the good Monsignor with decorating.  He likes simple, and it was a matter of carrying in and placing 16 Easter Lilies.  It is fun to watch the wheels turn, as he generally knows what he wants.  We moved things here and there and offered suggestions along the way.  An hour later we were done.  It is divine humor that I do any kind of decorating, because it is not one of my "gifts".

The holder for the Easter Candle...ready and waiting.  Notice the "spiral effect."  The plant to the right is lowest, and then the one to the left, a little higher, etc.  I think we ended up with 4 plants there....unless he moved one after we left...  I only really see three, here.

Empty tabernacle...ready and waiting.  There are six plants there.  Then two near the crucifix.

My boys served for the Easter Vigil. They had practice on Saturday morning.  Our parish is rather informal.  Serving in jeans and sneakers is the norm, and no one bats an eye. For a while, when they were younger, I enforced the "no jeans" statute, but as they grew older and faster, they owned no dress pants or shoes.  My 15 year old has a nice pair of pants and a shirt from 8th grade graduation last year.  I told him that he should wear it to serve in Saturday evening.  And then, had the wild thought to buy my current 8th grader what he would need for graduation (in a month) so that he could also look nice.  Amazingly, we found what we needed.  JCPenneys had ONE pair of pants that fit him.  We bought it, and a shirt from the men's department.  A little big...but he'll grow.  They had NO shoes that fit him, so a quick trip to Pay-Less paid off.

 

I think they are handsome.  I'm not biased or anything!

They served with my niece, who serves at her parish.  We "borrowed" her, because my SIL volunteered her, and because we are not blessed with an abundance of servers at our parish.  Not really blessed with an abundance of youth.   Only seven little ones made their First Communion this year.  And the youth that we do have...no one really volunteers for a Mass that is over an hour and requires practice in the morning.  I think this is the fifth year for my older son.  But the Mass was lovely, and I enjoyed being there with my in-laws!

We didn't have 8 readings.  Only one extra, Father said.  I know there are some who think that they are cheated if they don't have all 8 readings and if the Easter Vigil doesn't last three hours.  But our priest is wise, I think.  As my mother-in-law simply put it, "I didn't need to hear all 8 readings."  Our priest is wise, he is sensitive to the needs of his people, and he has to be up early the next morning for Easter Sunday Mass!  The homily was brief and meaningful (always a good combo!). Don't look for Jesus in the empty tomb.  Because he "ain't" there.  But, if you are alert...if you have faith...if you seek...you will find Him in the Word...in the Scriptures.  You will find Him in the sacraments of the church..."most supremely" in the Eucharist, but also in the others.  You will find Him in the community...in others.  There was an adult baptized, and another who was confirmed along with the young lady who was baptized.  

We had fire, water, smoke (incense). The music was beautiful...especially the Litany of the Saints before the baptism.  All in all, our celebration concluded in 90 minutes.  Beautiful in its simplicity. 

I could go on, detailing celebrations with family...but that will have to wait....

He is Risen!  Definitely a reason to rejoice!

gratitude

Today was a beautiful, sunny day.  Last year (while standing in line for confession, no less) I was told about an outdoor Stations of the Cross that takes place every Good Friday at 10 a.m. on some property not too far from where I live.  I went last year and thought it was nice.  This year, my 14 year old grudgingly joined me.

 

That's my teenager there in the jeans, hanging out with a few guys he knows from school waiting for things to start.  Can't you just see the excitement?

 

Some of the stations.

 And way, way up at the top of some of the pine trees....do you see it??  Crosses!!  My source tells me that some years they are there in abundance!  This year, not so much!

My 15 year old stayed behind, because he planned to serve at the 3:00 Service with his friend.  Then the friend's mom called and told me that he had been in an accident (not serious....pulled /torn muscle type thing), and so with less than 2 hours till crunch time...15 year old was definitely needed.  One of our younger guys showed up and helped him, and both servers did a great job.

Some years, the starkness of the sanctuary startles me on Good Friday.  This year, not really.  It was my third time seeing it, this year.   Everything had been removed on Wednesday before the Tenebrae service.

This service (not Mass!!) starts without a hymn.  Priest and servers enter in silence and kneel (as do we).  It's almost as if it starts where we left off the night before.  Kneeling in silence.  It then progresses somewhat like a regular Mass.  The Passion account from John is read.  There is a homily.  Today's was good.  Good Friday is not a day for sadness or for self-accusation.  It is a day for gratitude and quiet reflection.  It is not a day for revelry.  (Here crawfish boils are very popular on Good Friday.)  Not a time for the "last chance crawfish boil" and acting like pagans.  (Yes, he went there!)  Gratitude is shown by keeping His commandments, self-sacrifice, obedience, choosing to become more like Jesus.  The only way to Heaven...by the cross.  That's the Reader's Digest version.

After the homily, the priest and servers walk to the back of the church.  Then the cross is carried in.  Father carried the cross; the servers carried candles on either side.  At some churches those present venerate the cross by kissing it.  At our church, we venerate by kneeling at our place for a few minutes.  That works just fine for me!  After that, there are prayer intentions for just about every one in the world.  Seriously.  It takes several minutes.

Then the altar servers "dress the altar" (put on the cloth and candles) and a Communion Service follows, using the Eucharist that was consecrated at the Holy Thursday Mass.

There was a song sung to day during Communion.  I can find neither the lyrics or the song, but the refrain was something like, "Lord, make my life an offering to you..."  It was perfect!

 Following Holy Communion, a blessing is prayed over the people, and then all depart in silence.  Still no ending to the liturgy that began on Thursday evening.

do this in remembrance

I had never attended a Holy Thursday Mass until about five years ago.  Also known as the Mass of the Lord's Supper, it is, hands down, my favorite liturgy of the year.  The Chrism Mass celebrated the priesthood - instituted on this day.  This Mass celebrates the institution of the Eucharist.

Our pastor thanked us for attending, and said he didn't understand why crowds are so slim for Holy Thursday.  I can give him a few reasons.  One, it's a work day for most people.  To come home, and switch gears to "Mass Mode" is just difficult.  Can't do much about that.  Secondly, people just don't know.  Ignorance, you can do something about.  I came for the first time because the church secretary sent me an email and invited me to come.

My first year was a disaster learning experience.  My boys were about 9 and 10, so I brought them with me.  At that time our parish shared a pastor with another, and since he couldn't be two places at once, Holy Thursday was at his other parish.  As Mass got underway, I hear, "Mom, something's burning."  Um.. that would be the incense.  Feet were washed, but that sparked the need for someone to utilize the bathroom.  So we missed most of that.  Then there was the procession at the end.  Who knew??  "Mom, I'm hungry....."  So much for Adoration.

The next year, I knew better.  I have gone alone since then.

This Mass is unique...it happens once a year.  The last few years have been a challenge for the Altar Servers.  Some of the things they do have a bit of a different timing.  One year, the altar was set, then cleared off, then set again.  Last night, it was not set when it was time for Father to do his thing.  He had to help, but he just takes things in stride.

The story of the Passover is read, then a reading from 1Corinthians that reiterates the command to "do this in remembrance of me".  Finally the Gospel is the story of the Last Supper.    From emptying of self comes true holiness.  At least that's what the homily said.  The oils from the Chrism Mass are presented with the Gifts and placed in the ambry.

This Mass doesn't end.  There is no dismissal.  No hymn at the conclusion.  After Holy Communion, everyone is asked to kneel.  Father mentions that at the conclusion of the Last Supper, Jesus and the Apostles took a walk...from the Upper Room to the Garden.  Then he slowly processes with the ciborium containing the Body of Christ around the church (a walk).  This is powerful...the first time it happened, I was caught off-guard.  One of those happens-in-your-heart things that is hard to explain.  (In some parishes, the Eucharist is processed to another location...a chapel, perhaps.)

At our parish, at the conclusion of the procession, the Eucharist was placed in the Tabernacle (which had been empty and open until that point), and then Father and the altar servers knelt in front in Adoration.  This is the only time of the year, when we see our priest kneeling.  After a few minutes, Father and the altar servers retreat into the sacristy and people start to leave (quietly).

The church was open until 9 PM.  It was about an hour and a half of adoration time.  (Last year it was about an hour.)  I stayed.  It took me a little while to get focused, but finally, I remembered what Immaculee had said about spending time with Our Lord and His Mother this week.  I realized that maybe it wasn't all about  me tonight.  It was just about spending time...being there.  I had left my 7 Sorrows Rosary in the car, but that is what I ended up praying.  Thanking them for their suffering.  About an hour and 15 minutes in, I was restless, and ready to go.  My back was hurting from sitting in the oh-so-comfortable pews.  But I figured if I had stayed that long, I might as well stay until the end.  There is something about seeing Jesus taken from the Tabernacle and the emptiness that remains.  You can imagine what the apostles felt...those that didn't run away.  That, and I didn't want to walk out to my car alone...there were just a handful of us left.

If you ever have the chance...like next year...make the effort to switch into Mass Mode on Holy Thursday.  So worth it.

And I'll leave you with a song....

happy new year!

My friend says she makes Thanksgiving resolutions, since she doesn't keep the New Year's variety.  What she probably doesn't realize, (and what I didn't think of while we were talking), is that a New Year starts this evening - a new liturgical year in the Catholic Church.

This year starts with us waiting in "patient hope and joyful anticipation" for the coming of Jesus - God is with us - Emmanuel.  Patient hope and joyful anticipation, my pastor says, like the people camped outside of Best Buy on Thursday evening - waiting for the doors to open on Friday!

Jesus is already with us.  We know that.  He is with us in His Word, in the sacraments of the Church - especially the Eucharist.  He is with us in the people around us, with us in prayer.  So it's not as if we are waiting for him to be "more" with us.  We already have it all, so to speak.

Perhaps, it is about us being more open to His presence with us.  Maybe that is why the purple vestments have reappeared again, after endless days of them during Lent.  While the rest of the world is busy seeing how many Christmas trees can be put up and how many presents can be waiting under the tree on Christmas morning, we are called to slow down and reflect, to look within -  and see how we might be more open to His presence in our lives.

I think the final question of the homily was, "How bad do you really want to be with Jesus?"  And my immediate mental answer was, "more than anything."  But I didn't really have to reflect that long to see that my answer and the reality in my life are two different things.  I want to be with Jesus....as long as I don't have to take too much time away from the things I want to do to pray.  I want to be with Jesus.... as long as He doesn't ask anything too hard.  I want to be with Jesus...as long as He fits into my schedule.  I want to be with Jesus as long as I don't have to .....

So it seems like it would be a great time to start over with some Thanksgiving/Advent resolutions.  The Advent wreath (which Father blessed and lit tonight) works perfectly into the scheme of things.  A little more light each week.

Come, Lord Jesus, bring light into my life to illuminate the dark corners.  Let me be more open to Your presence in my life.

this and that

Really... could you imagine a life any better than the one this cat has?  Sleep. Sleep.  Sleep.  In the comfy chair.  Eat.  Scratch on the door in the middle of the night.  A nice loud meow at any hour when your needs aren't being met to your standards.  Even my children don't scratch on my door in the middle of the night... Haven't in years...

About a year ago, we had dinner with our former pastor.  Kids and I went to Mass at his "new" parish and then took him to eat pizza.  (Dear husband has declined to participate. )  The conversations at these meals are always pretty wide-ranging, especially when the kids get in the act.  At some point, slingshots came up.  I had long since forgotten that part of the evening, but younger son had it tucked away in his memory bank. (Side note:  It is truly amazing what trivial things they remember - like which Happy Meal toy they got when we stopped after having pictures taken at XYZ place when they were pre-schoolers.)   Friday, something possessed him to climb up on the treehouse platform with the pruning shears (they're still up there) and clip out a nice branch with a Y shape "just like Fr. P said."  And so here is the result.  It is at winter camp with said son this week.  Allegedly for skipping rocks on the lake....

Months ago, my pastor invited me to be a Eucharistic Minister at our parish.  Said that he and Jesus would like to have me.  My first reaction was not enthusiastic acceptance (more like:  "anything but that"), but it's pretty hard to tell Jesus "no", so I accepted the invitation.  Took a little while to get my name on the schedule, and today was my first opportunity to serve.  Just a little nervous, I said a quick prayer to the Blessed Mother - Mary, this is YOUR son we're dealing with here.  Please let everything go well.  And it did!  It just really seemed to be a blur, during the time of the Mass that is most quiet and reflective.

Today was the Solemnity of Christ the King.  The last Sunday of the Liturgical Year.  Advent begins next Sunday!  Love it!

I'm looking at a week of no school!  It will fly by.  Undoubtedly there will be some things to blog!

prayer

It's an ongoing theme in my life - prayer or lack thereof.  The search for the right combination of spontaneous and structured, personal and communal, from the heart and from the book, out of a sense of relationship or obligation.  More than once it's come up in confession, and advice has been varied.

A couple of months ago, I just threw up my hands.  Prayer?  The formal, structured approach wasn't really working out for me, but I hadn't given up altogether.  The advice from my confessor?  "Just keep listening."  So I have tried to do that.  Gradually (as he predicted might happen), I feel the need to return to something more structured - the morning and evening prayers that are part of the Liturgy of the Hours.  I feel the distance in my friendship with Jesus.  And while sometimes the structured prayer of the Hours sometimes feels like something to just get through, it is still a connection, a way to touch base with the God of the Universe.  Along with the more structured prayer, it means a return to a bit more discipline in my prayer life instead of "whatever".   With the end of the liturgical year this weekend, and the start of a new one, it might be a good time for that!

Plan B seems to be another recent theme.  About a month ago, I saw an announcement in a church bulletin about an Advent Day of Recollection for Women.  I called for more info, got the applications in the mail, passed them along to sister-in-law and friends, got a sub for the day, and returned the applications with the required fee a couple of weeks before the deadline.  But I got a letter in the mail the other day saying that they were full, and my name would be placed on the waiting list.  :-(  I have a sub for the day.  What will my Plan B be if I don't make it off the waiting list?

Sickness.  I want "the sickness" to stay away.  My faithful assistant came to school sick last Friday.  She didn't improve as the day went on.  She stayed home on Monday.  My talkative effervescent red-headed co-worker was also out sick on Monday.  It was VERY quiet in my room yesterday for lunch, as there were no subs.  My pastor had a sub for the weekend, and was still under the weather on Monday.  He said Mass, but he sat down to deliver the homily.  Then he went, in the rain, in the evening to hear confessions of the junior high and high school CCD kids.  I think my high schooler was holding out hope that he might not make it.

Adoration.  After I dropped older child off at CCD, I went to the Adoration Chapel.  It is so wonderfully quiet there.  At one point, there was a loud clap of thunder.  The other two occupants of the chapel and I just looked at one another.  Was God trying to tell us something?

Journal writing.  It's been seriously lacking lately.  Seems like the only times I write lately are when I'm at adoration or when I'm getting ready to go to confession.  Perhaps this blog qualifies as journal wriitng?

Procrastination.  If I am going to do what I said back in the second paragraph and be more structured in my prayer time, I must end this now.  There are prayers to be prayed....

back to green

Before the day started to unravel, I knelt in the cool, quiet church.  That is always the best part of my day.  I noticed that the Easter candle, which had been lit in a prominent place for the past 50 days, was now stuck into a corner in the back of the sanctuary.  Yesterday was Pentecost - the official end to the  Easter Season, I suppose. We waited for the Holy Spirit, He's here, and now it's back to business as usual.  Ordinary time.  Today the priest was back in green.  It's been a long time since we've seen green vestments.  40 days of Lenten purple followed by 50 days of Easter white.  Now it's back to green - with a few exceptions - until Advent.

There are 2 more days of school, and I probably have 5 more days of work to do.  Not quite as far in my paperwork as I had hoped to be.  My computer died today.  When I left the classroom it was working.  When I returned it wasn't.  Thought it might be the monitor, but it wasn't.  Can't believe that the kids did something to kill it.  It wasn't dropped.  What else could kill it?  Maybe it was just a natural death.  In any case, it was a time waster.  Switching out monitors - trying to figure out the problem - and finally setting up the laptop and connecting it to a printer.

My supervisor is coming to do the end of the year check out in the morning.  I won't be there.  My kids have their closing Mass at school and it will be my 8th grader's last Mass.  Note to self:  charge camera.  After Mass, they have a ceremony with the 8th graders and their Kindergarten buddies and it is a tear jerker even if your child is not directly involved. 

My supervisor is coming and I still have about 3 of the infamous blue folders to put together.  Shouldn't take long,  I just need time to do it without being interupted by a zillion different things.

Honors Night was tonight.  My contribution to the life of the school.  A lot of work for 30 minutes of hoopla.  I had wonderful support from my co-workers, though.  That is a good thing about where I work.  People are willing to go the extra mile to help each other.  Usually.

I heard this song on the radio on my way home tonight. It explains why I love to start my mornings with Mass.  His holy Presence.  My daily bread.   I'm desperate for Him and lost without Him.

supper with the Lord

The official name for the Holy Thursday Mass is "Mass of the Lord's Supper". Supper just sounds so common. Couldn't it be the "Mass of the Lord's Abundant Feast" or something that really sounds impressive? But then "supper" sounds so much more approachable and down-to-earth.

I think this is my favorite liturgical celebration of the Three Days that make up the Triduum(Thursday, Friday, and Saturday) marking the transition from Lent to Easter.

My kids weren't interested in attending, and truth be told, I wasn't all that interested in taking them. Just so you don't think I'm a slacker parent, I have taken them. Note the past tense. Three years ago, our first Holy Thursday experience was a mom and kids event. I remember, "mom, it smells like something's burning". Ummmm that would be the incense. "Mom I need to go to the bathroom, BAAAAAD." That was during the washing of the feet. Guess it was the power of suggestion of the water. "Mom, I'm staaaaarving." That was as we waited in line for our turn for adoration. We left.

The next year, I went to Mass alone, but did go home and pick them up to spend about 15 minutes or so at Adoration. That was a better experience.

One of the things that makes this celebration my favorite (quite possibly my favorite in the entire year) is that it is followed by adoration. There were only a handful of people that stayed more than a few minutes, but it is such a wonderful, peaceful time to sit in the Lord's Presence and have a conversation with Him.

The scripture verse that caught my attention was from John's Gospel: "Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later." That pretty much sums up my whole lent in a nutshell. Not only do I not understand, I don't have a clue what the Lord is doing in my life right now. But I don't have to understand. All I have to do is have faith and trust, which is there for the asking with God.

preparing for lent

One of my favorite ways to prepare for Lent is by emptying my surroundings of chocolate....in preparation... 

This year, I think I've done a decent job of anticipating it.  I almost look forward to it after the excesses of Christmas.  It is a way to re-order, re-balance things in our lives, or at least in mine.  Some years, though, not too long ago, Ash Wednesday would show up on the calendar, and I would think..."Hmmm.....wonder what I should do/give up for Lent this year??? Hmmm...."  "Oh maybe I'll give up....ummm....the computer....or maybe....I'll pray more.....or.....ummmm....." 

Recently I've come to look at Lent as a way of fixing what's "broken" in our lives and a way of joining in the Paschal Mystery with Jesus.  So before Lent, I try to tune into the things that God might be trying to tell me he'd like to help fix, those things that I feel a little twinge or stress when I think about. 

A few years ago, I had the 8th grade class from hell.  Almost as a joke, I gave up complaining about them.  It was hard; they were awful.  But by the end of Lent, amazing changes had taken place in that class - several had been moved to other placements, and a pleasant, new student showed up.  My worst class finished as one of my favorites.  Coincidence?  Or God at work? 

Last year, I decided to give up complaining about my dear hubby, and it wasn't as hard as the 8th graders, and paid much bigger dividends.  I knew it was God at work.

One of my usual penances is to give up chocolate.  Giving up stuff seems to get a bad rap these days, but it has its benefits, too.  I don't imagine that I'm doing God a favor by giving up chocolate.  But when you consider that most (all) sin is us putting our will ahead of God's will, then it makes sense to say "no" to our will.  If we can do it with something that is fairly neutral, like chocolate, then perhaps when we are tempted to sin, we can also say "no".  There is also value in redemptive suffering.  I won't pretend for a second that passing up the chocolate chip cookie is anything close to the suffering that Jesus endured on our behalf, but he does allow us to share in His suffering....to unite our suffering with His.  Jesus' sacrifice was complete on its own; he surely doesn't need my chocolate withdrawals to save mankind, but He allows me to offer it.  Something like when a mother allows a 2-year-old to "help" her mix up a cake.  She certainly doesn't need his help, but she allows him to put a spoon in and stir. 

And along with the giving up, comes the doing something "extra".  I have found that attending the Stations of the Cross on Friday evenings help me appreciate the season and the celebration more.  One year, I read a meditation each day and journalled; that was a good thing.    Last year I tried to attend adoration every week; but that was sometimes difficult to find the hour or so involved. 

So for now, I will look at the things that take too much in my life:  too much money, too much time, too much stress, too much interference with my peace of mind - and look for ways that God might be calling me to change them - whether through fasting or prayer or giving up or doing more. 

God willing, at the end of Lent, my will shall line up a little closer to His will.  Join me?

Until then, I'll be eating healthy quantities of chocolate!

God is with us!

O come let us adore Him...

One of the scouts who helped us decorate was taken at the appearance of "flaming straw" around Baby Jesus and commented about it (more than once) to Father, who finally said, "Yes, He is burning with love for you.....are you on fire with love for Him?"  And that was part of the homily tonight.  Another point, was that straw is rather useless material.  Our lives are like the straw, waiting for Jesus to rest in the "stuff" of our lives. 

A few pictures from our decorating excursion at church yesterday:

Merry Christmas!

first comes advent

Sometimes I feel like the lone ranger among friends and acquaintances. We celebrate Advent. Before Christmas.

I dislike that Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year. That what should be a time of waiting and preparation for the King of Kings to come to us in a deeper way, is often a frantic time of spending too much money, fretting over the getting the perfect gift, and trying to get everything "done" before the 25th day of December arrives.

What we are waiting for and preparing for somehow gets very lost in the hustle and bustle of making sure no person is forgotten, or worse yet, disappointed.

By the same token, with the early arrival of Christmas in November, by the time the actual celebration gets here, we are so saturated in the sights and the sounds that we are ready for it to be over with for another year. The Christmas season goes on until January 12 in the church. But in the secular world, almost everything is said and done by the evening of December 25. When I was a child, it made me sad to see trees already out "on the street" on the way home from my grandparents' house on Christmas night. When was the last time you heard Christmas music on December 26?

I only have one Christmas tree, and it is not up yet. It will probably go up the weekend before Christmas. To be fair, this is not SOLELY because I want to give Advent its due first. This was the way my family did it years ago, and the way it evolved with hubby and I in our earlier years. We would wait until the live trees were "marked down" before getting one! Then there is the lack of space in my cozy household. And my cat thinks that climbing in the tree and knocking down the ornaments is some kind of kitty-Olympic sport. Those reasons are also part of the reason that the nativity set is not set up, either.

The activities highlighted in the video below are some of the ways that we will celebrate Advent. For several years, we have lit an advent wreath and had some kind of reading to go along with it. Not every night, but some nights. Hubby is never a willing participant, but the boys have played along - if for nothing more than a chance to light and blow out candles. And we will "prepare our hearts for Christmas" by going to confession at some point. Trying to fix up some of the things in our lives, so that Jesus feels welcome there when He comes. And with the rolls of cookie dough in the freezer section, there might even be some cookie baking this year.

Part of me still wishes, though, for a return to a simpler Christmas where we are focused on what we were REALLY given on that first Christmas many years ago. That was THE perfect Gift!

advent video

Quite honestly, the music isn't really my style, and I'm not wild about it.  But I DO like the activities of preparation that the video shows  Your mileage may vary. 

(Plus I want to see if I can get a video to show up on my blog ;-))





Woo Hoo! It worked!