checking in

Few and far between are the posts these days.  Partly because the personal nature of things going on.  Partly because I am just plain exhausted at the end of a day in the frog cooker.  Partly because my laptop isn't working.  I know... just get the laptop fixed already!  Except everyone tells me that a 3 year old laptop is not worth repairing.  Sigh.

The frog cooker....  Have you ever heard about cooking frogs?  If you put them in a pot of hot water, they will hop right out.  But if you put them in a pot of room temperature water, and slowly turn the temperature up, they will just stay right there, and eventually, you will have boiled frogs.  That is kind of like my work place.  I have been in the pot a long time, and I think I'm almost cooked!  Other people dip their toe in the pot of our "at risk school" for a couple of days or a few weeks, and they hop right out and go on with their lives.

My room is located among the fifth grade classrooms.  The room across the hall had a teacher for a few weeks.  Then she moved to another position that was vacated by a teacher moving to another grade which was vacated by one of those folks that hopped out of the pot.  So the room across the hall has had a succession of substitutes for the past several weeks...no one caring to stay too long.  As far as I can see, about the only hope of restoring sanity and order at this point would be a retired drill sergeant.  But then we can't raise our voices or keep them in during PE or make them write their spelling words a zillion times. I think we can still give them "the look", but that is about it.  I think they could probably tape a new reality series at our school - Fifth Grade Gone Wild!

We are continuing on our Retrouvaille journey with a few bumps in the road.  My dear husband is convinced that we must do all things in common as a couple or that we will be living a "married singles" lifestyle.  I think he has misunderstood some of the points, but he is insistent.  For me, as a person who has different interests and needs than he does (among them quiet and privacy), my prayer is "Lord, take me now!"  I can see cultivating some interests together.  That is something we definitely need to do a better job of, but I can not possibly imagine giving up everything that I like and he doesn't.  A life of sitting in front of the television.  No, thanks. So some good things, but also some thorns at this point in the journey.  I have a feeling I will be revisiting the "wives be submissive to your husbands" teaching with my priest sometime in the near future.  May God grant him huge helpings of patience!

A few pictures of life....

I think this was on one of our "Hurrication" days.  Hurricane Isaac came this way and took f.o.r.e.v.e.r to get out of town.  My 2 favorite sons looking at one of their scrapbooks.  I don't often see them this close, (and it is even more rare to get photographic evidence)  but I am thankful that they like being brothers.  Usually.

Our new house came with more of everything.  Except the oven.  Is this not the most pitiful LITTLE excuse for an oven you have ever seen?  Dear husband came home with a BOX of bananas one day last week. Found the best, easy recipe for banana bread.  I think this was batch 1 or 2 of 9!

My youngest is running cross country.  Today was his first meet.  Three miles.  22:43 minutes.  This was the sprint for the finish line.    

Thyroid Nodules...I found out that I have "several" on Friday.  I'm not freaking out at this point.  I googled them, to find out that they are common and almost always benign. But I guess I should probably follow up with my doctor.

And that's about all I know for right now!  Say a prayer for us...next week we take on "Conflict Management" in Retrouvaille.  Should be very interesting!

rediscovery

If you've paid any attention at all over the last months, you have seen that my marriage has had its share of challenges.  Do I think we're headed for divorce court?  No, we're too stubborn for all of that.  Do we argue and scream all the time?  No, that's too much drama.  Could things be a lot better?  Yeah.

We have been to a few counseling sessions.  Since June, I think we've managed three.  With dear hub's job, one never knows when he will be home.  So we make an appointment, only to cancel it because he is gone, or he hasn't gone anywhere, but might, and we can't afford to turn down any jobs, because things are slow.  In the interest of full disclosure, I've cancelled a few, too.   A few months ago, I saw a blurb in the church bulletin for a program called Retrouvaille.  It wasn't totally foreign to me.  My parents had separated many years back, and they had attended this 20 or so years ago.  It seemed to have helped.  They advertise the program as "a lifeline for marriages".

It is a weekend program, followed by six 4-hour follow-up sessions (or twelve 2-hour sessions, I guess).  Hubby agreed to the weekend!, but not the follow-ups. They let us sign up anyway.

This past weekend, was our weekend.  It was held at a retreat center about 45 minutes from home.  We had to be there Friday night around 7:30.  It was rainy and overcast, but as we turned off the main road to the road that would take us to the location, there was a rainbow in the sky!  I took that as a good sign.  Our accommodations were not five-star, but comfortable.  No TV in the room.

They kicked things off that evening at 8:00 pm.  As I looked around, there were about 20 other couples.  I was struck by how young many were.  One wife was pregnant.  At least one couple was separated.  Another wife, who I chatted with during breaks said she'd filed a restraining order last week.  I'm sure there were all kinds of issues.

The weekend was full, but the time seemed to fly.  We explored feelings and we dialogued with our spouse.  There was no group sharing.  There would be a presentation led by a priest and three couples who had been down the same road we were now traveling, and then a question to write about and share with our spouse.  Saturday started with Mass, and things continued until 10:00 p.m. or later.  Sunday, was also a full day - ending with Mass around 5 pm.  Even though, it is Catholic in origin, and there is a priest on the team, people of all faiths (or none at all) are welcome.

It was a weekend of discovery for me.  I discovered things about myself and how I have affected the relationship.  What a bummer to find out that it's not all the other person's fault!  ;-)  I also cannot fail to mention how much I appreciate my husband's willingness to come and attempt the program.  We have not spent that much time together without distractions in about 100 years.

And the rediscovery - what "retrouvaille" actually means - is a process, I think, for each couple.  As we left, the presenters told us that couples leave on one of two roads:  the Road to Damascus or the Road to Emmaus. Those on the Road to Damascus are hit by a sudden realization of what they need to do (like Paul - when he was knocked to the ground...) and just need to get to it.  Those on the Road to Emmaus are like the two disciples that walked along the road after the crucifixion, disappointed and dejected that all that they had hoped for did not seem to be working out.  However, Jesus was walking along with them.

We are on the Road to Emmaus, I think.  There were a lot of ups and downs.  We have - so far - been faithful to our "homework" and are both interested in making it better.  I am pretty sure that dear hubby will come with me to the follow-up this Saturday unless he is working.  I contacted one of the couples after the weekend with a couple of questions, and they were encouraging, but mentioned that it is often 1 step forward and a couple back for a while.  So, if you're a praying person, please keep us (and the other couples) in your prayers.  And if you think your marriage could use a lifeline...consider Retrouvaille.

back to school

It has been a while.  With my laptop down, I miss the ease of popping in my SD card and easily inserting pictures.  There is also something about sitting with a laptop on your lap and composing. Things seem to flow better.  My parents also haven't gotten much in the way of emails since my laptop broke.

Summer has ended.  School has started.  I have two weeks down....my kids have 6 days in.

A few pictures from the time period.

My oldest flew to Florida with his grandmother to see his big brother (and big brother's kids) before he deployed.  He enjoyed some big brother bonding time.

While we were in New Orleans dropping them at the airport, SIL and I made a quick run by the church where Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos ministered to German immigrants in the 1800's.  It is a b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l church inside.  However, it is not air-conditioned while not in use, so we did not stay long.

A new statue in the courtyard at the Blessed Seelos shrine.  Do you sometimes feel like this when you pray?

When we got home from the airport, I discovered this in my son's room.

A gift from younger brother and a friend.  3 rolls, they said.  You know what they say about pay back....

Saw a rainbow one day.  I think we were on the way home from church.

And not just a little piddly half rainbow...the whole thing.  Unfortunately, it did not end over my house.

But it still is a promise that God has things under control.  Right?

Things that I do not have pictures of....

I have given a deposition.  I have appeared in and testified in court in an insurance case involving one of my students.  (took 3 different trips to court and about 3 hours altogether of waiting, which was aggravating).  Scratch that off the bucket list.  Oh wait...it wasn't on it!

I have started school.  So have the kids.  No pictures were desired by them.  I have a sophomore and a junior this year.  I am teaching the son of one of the students I taught in about 1990.  I guess that means I am officially old.  There are lots of changes for us as teachers this year. New stuff from the state and new stuff from the district. It is a little overwhelming and discouraging. I think I am at the age where it is getting more and more difficult to learn and remember new things.  I used to laugh at my older colleagues.  Now I laugh with them.

I have gone back to working out, after putting my membership on hold for the summer.  It wasn't as bad as I expected.

I have been exhausted at the end of the days.  Anything that requires more thought than posting a facebook status hasn't really happened.

Going next weekend on a couples retreat with my husband.  Please pray that it bears good fruit.

I think that's all I've got for now!

catching up

That's a title I use a lot, I think....catching up.  It's a good subject line for emails, too.

Here, summer vacation is breathing its last.  I start school in 5 days - next Monday.  I spent 2 good hours today sitting for a deposition in a lawyer's office wreaking of stale cigarette smoke, regarding a lawsuit involving one of my students.  They said I get to go with them to court next week.  Can you sense the excitement??

We had our annual altar server appreciation pizza lunch a few weekends ago.  I love that our pastor comes and eats with us.  I love that he brings the credit card and is more generous towards those who tag along with the altar servers than any one should expect.  I love that he was willing to [patiently] answer follow up questions from our conversation earlier in the week.  He does a nice job of imitating Jesus, who ate with sinners, invites us to the table, paid our debts, showed us the way, and was much more generous than any of us deserve.

We didn't take our annual group picture this year.  The lone picture of my 15 year old tuning the toy guitar that he selected with all of the tickets that he won from the games.  He was so proud.  And so funny.

Last week was the feast of Sts. Ann and Joachim, the grandparents of Jesus.  My sister-in-law invited me to a St. Ann Novena that a church near her was having.  I went one morning.  Being there at 6:15 a.m. was a little difficult.  It was the first I had heard of a St. Ann Novena.

They prayed a shortened Rosary - a St. Ann chaplet or rosary??  One group of Hail Marys was prayed in French.  There is a strong French heritage in the area, as you can see in the inscription on the statue.  Good St. Ann(e), pray for us!

My 17 year old and I went to the local art museum one rainy afternoon last week.  They had an exhibit featuring artifacts from local Catholic churches, and that was what I wanted to see.  I think I enjoyed the photography exhibit from some local artists more, however.

The Catholic church has many breath-taking works of art, vestments, vessels, etc, but I found little at this one that inspired too much awe. The Bicentennial vestments were just a bit over the top, I thought.  Our local pastors have chalices that are more exquisite than the ones featured in the exhibit, and if you ask, they (local priests) are usually more than happy to let you see it close up and tell you some of the history.  Our previous pastor's chalice had incorporated his mother's antique engagement ring in the design.

Anyway, here is the picture that I was allowed to take to document this event.

The big event of the past week was my 30th reunion.  My favorite part was the tour of the renovated school....$50 million + in renovations.  We were quite disappointed when we got there too late for the official   tour and found the doors locked.  Our little group on the front steps....I am on the left.

But not to worry....we found an open door - workmen are there frantically trying to finish the renovation before school starts in a week or so...and we gave ourselves our own tour.  It was a mixture of nostalgia walking the halls and reliving memories from 30 years past and awe at the beautiful additions and improvements.  The school "specializes" in academics and performing arts.  The library was amazing.  There are new radio and TV studios.  Several stages of varying sizes.  There was quite a bit of excitement over the two "black box theaters".  An outdoor amphitheater in the new courtyard.  My classmates remembered using a loading dock as a stage.

Much of the old beautiful detail in the main building had been restored.  The doors in the foyer.

The intricate work on the outside of the building and in the auditorium.  Windows that had long been covered over were found in the auditorium, and the natural lighting they provided was stunning.

They just don't make things like this any more!  It seems like just about everyone in the class had at least one tale that involved jumping out of windows in the course of their schooling.  I can remember doing so a couple of times.  In the back of the building, covered walk-ways provided a great exit point for the second floor windows.  Not sure the new windows will open as easily as the ones in our day.

The grand finale event was held in a ballroom overlooking the Mississippi River.  We remembered our deceased classmates...12 that we know of....

I am a small group kind of person, so those big extravaganzas are really not my thing, but it wasn't too bad!  I reconnected with a few people and enjoyed catching up with those who were close friends back in the day.

And so here we are today.  School starting soon.  I saw my classroom yesterday.  They painted it last week, and it is a wreck!  I have an idea of the schedule I will have!  First time I can ever remember that happening before school starts.  We are off to a school board meeting in a few minutes - my offspring and I - to try to knock out a requirement for their Eagle rank.

And maybe - since today is Chick Fil A Appreciation day - we will stop there and show a little love.  Love that they are true to their founding principles.  Too bad our country can't say the same.

Edited to add:  We endured the School Board meeting.  Oh my.  Upon leaving, my older offspring remarked, "That's what's wrong with the schools...."  We did go to Chick Fil A.  The picture below shows the line of cars at 7:45 pm waiting to turn in to the parking lot.  We parked and went inside.  Took about 15 or 20 minutes to get our food.  At that point in the day, they were out of chicken strips, grilled chicken and some salads.  We saw several people we knew.  One family had matching One Nation Under God t-shirts.  Another was taking pictures at the table.

Till next time....

metanoia

It's an interesting word - metanoia.  I've heard it defined as a spiritual turning of sorts.  Wikipedia offers several possible meanings.  Mirriam-Webster defines it as "a transformative change of heart."  It's what we are called to do.  On an ongoing basis, I think.

It has been a long summer in some ways.  Lots - did you hear me LOTS - of family togetherness.  Can you have too much?  My boys have not participated in any extra activities this summer (their choice), my husband has worked very little (not his choice), and with limited funds, I have mostly kept the car parked.

I have also resented it.  With my husband's anxiety, he has made it known that he likes it best when everyone is home.  So I have gone with the flow.  By default, he has had things the way he has wanted them in that respect, but he doesn't seem much happier.  And for me...."Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"  There hasn't been near enough absence, I assure you!

By the end of last week, I could feel a weight somewhere inside.  It was really nothing anyone had done, but I knew a bunch of feelings were brewing below the surface.  (Side note to interject that the seemingly unrelated pictures were taken last night as a storm gathered. The reddish tint made things look really weird).  I finally found some time to visit Jesus at the little Adoration chapel near the house Sunday evening.  I took my journal and I wrote... Peeled back some of the layers to see what was below the surface.

I was able to return again on Monday and as I sat, I asked Jesus, "If I were to go to confession soon, what would I tell you?"  Well, I don't know about you, but He is always pretty accommodating in answering that question for me!  Again I wrote.  And there was The List.

 

I almost always prefer to show up for confession within the scheduled time frames, but this time, I knew I wanted more than my share of the 10 minutes allotted before daily Mass.  So, needing wisdom, I emailed my  confessor and asked if he had time after Mass one day soon. "... See you tomorrow," he replied.  

I began by saying that I didn't mean for this to be a complaint session about current issues, and he uncharacteristically stopped me.  "When there are issues - and there are - don't apologize for being honest with God.  We are not doing this to be slanderous, but to give the issues to Jesus."   I continued.  There was stuff.  Sin is icky.  Attitudes and thoughts and feelings which I will spare you.  Discouragement and doubt in spite of God's goodness.  Tiredness.  

  

He listens.  Really listens.  He hears where I am at - not just the sin list.  He speaks.  Little by little, he turns things just a bit.  What he says really does nothing to change the situation I am dealing with.  But what he says changes the way I view (and respond to) the situation I am dealing with.  He pulls forth a little compassion that has been dormant for far too long.  Not by chastising, but by pointing the way.  Slowly, gently, chipping away at some of the hardness of heart.  

Sometimes it seems that everything I do has a cost - the disapproving look or thoughtless rude comment.  The good priest does nothing to change that fact, but acknowledges that it is probably true.  To be a follower of Jesus, we do have to share in His Life - in the Paschal Mystery.  And here is my chance!  Not only does it have a cost, but I can take that and offer it back to God on behalf of and to benefit the other.  That's about the best economic news I've heard in a while.  Nothing is wasted!  

Twenty or so minutes later we are done.  I leave, not embarrassed or ashamed, but filled with hope and encouragement.  This may forever be one of the mysteries that I don't understand.  How one can [nervously] walk into a little room in the back of the church, sit and admit to another human the worst of who you can be, and then float out hope-filled and encouraged mere minutes later.  But it happens - often.  God's good grace is simply amazing!

Just a little different way of looking at things, and everything seems to change.  Metanoia?  A transformative change of heart?  Correction?  Healing? Embracing thoughts beyond our present limitations?   All of the above?  God is so very good!

happy birthday

Can I just post a picture with very little other commentary?  Because some day I'm going to do some really awesome birthday posts for my kids...baby pictures...all of that.  But for now, I'm just documenting the event.   Birthdays are pretty low-key at our house.  My first born turned 17 on the 17th!!

riding shotgun with Jesus

I've mentioned Ad Altare Dei before, I think.  It's a religious award that Boy Scouts can work on.  It takes an in-depth look at each sacrament and tries to draw connections between the sacraments, scouts, and real-life, I think.

My little group started working on it in earnest in January, 2011.  We took off the summer (moving, vacations, summer camp) and most of the fall of 2011, and got things rolling again in 2012.  We have been through Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, and Holy Orders.  Only Marriage remains.  Saving the most difficult or the best for last??

As part of Anointing of the Sick, the boys are supposed to spend a month (?) helping the sick or elderly in some form or fashion.  We weren't really that enthused about going to a hospital (too many super-icky germs there) and not real comfortable with nursing home service.

So I emailed the husband of a couple I have gotten to be friends with through church.  He and his wife are my parents' ages, and she had surgery back in February.  There were many complications...a stroke during surgery that caused a loss of sight (they are hopeful this will improve some, but it has been months), diabetes that has caused the wound to heal painfully slowly, chronic diarrhea that makes it risky to go in public.  I had visited them one afternoon earlier in the summer and quite enjoyed myself, and thought that perhaps the boys could be of assistance to them.

Yes, he said, there were flower beds that needed weeding.  And so we set the time for Friday evening, when it would be cooler.  As luck would have it, it has rained all week, and the flower beds were a little soggy, but I knew my friends were looking forward to company.  I also know that our priest has visited them once in the months since the surgery (he has had a lot going on), but I know I would not want to go months at a time without the Eucharist.  So I asked if I could take Communion to them.  We had to work out some bugs (like I had to get the sacristan to open the church in the evening so I could get the Blessed Sacrament and I had to borrow a pyx from my SIL), but it all worked out!

My teen drove while Jesus and I rode shotgun. (Nothing could be better with a teen driver!)  I held the pyx in my hands, conscious of the incredible privilege.  My boys tried to avoid questionable language.

My friends were so happy to see us and Jesus!  As soon as I could work it in to the conversation, (did I mention they were happy to see us?) we had a brief communion service...a few prayers, a reading from the day's Gospel, a short discussion/homily, the Lord's prayer and Communion.  It was special to be a part of.

After that, we visited.  My boys did not turn their noses up at the talk of adult diapers, scabs, and wounds.  They got a good feel for the frustration and isolation of someone who is house-bound.  They enjoyed talking about the sports they participate in at school, things they are doing in Scouts and heard stories about our hosts' grandchildren. I saw them smiling and laughing.  It was really a wonderful evening.  We enjoyed strawberry cupcakes and a couple of hours later left with some to take home.  It did my heart good to hear my boys say that they had enjoyed the evening, rather than acting like they were being tortured to fulfill this particular requirement.  Before we left - we looked at the flower beds....we'll be back!

We are called to bring Jesus to others, to be Gift for others.  Most often, it is in an abstract way, but this time  it was in a literal, concrete, truly present way.  But in the awesome, perfect way that Jesus works, we all left richer!