yes, i can

I was twice touched today.

Dropped by the confessional this afternoon.  My good priest was sitting there reading a book in the dim light.  I had nothing earth-shattering this time, it was just "time".  Kind of like you get your oil changed before it stops working.  My kinda-sorta rule of thumb is once a month or so and/or before I serve as a Eucharistic Minister.

Sometimes I know that I am a prayer-slacker.  Especially during weeks like this when everything is out of sync.  So we discussed prayer in depth.  Or rather, he gave counsel on prayer and I mostly listened.  Quality over quantity, he says.  Even if it's just five minutes that you give to the Lord.  It's more about listening, than talking....it's about the relationship.

So, prayer is not just something whereupon you think back at the end of a day, "Well, my life today was a prayer...."  No, giving love, sharing love, which is what prayer is, requires a conscious choice. Some days, the prayer may be offering everything to God, but it is a conscious thing.

I struggle with a routine, with making prayer a conscious choice, a conscious part of my day.  Mass is a given of most days, and on most school days, a stop at the church across the street for a few minutes of quiet in front of the Blessed Sacrament is easily done.  But beyond that...it's a wasteland.  I know I could put down my iPad and say the Rosary.  Especially in light of current events in this country or even in my family.  But another game of Bingo Bash holds so much promise. Or just checking that Facebook status one more time.  Good in their own right, but a pain in the larger picture.

And, as he pointed out...I am not him.  I am not Teresa of Avila.  I am Karen of ThisPlace.  My prayer, his prayer, her prayer....all differ in structure and routine.  If only I knew what my routine needed to be...

And for your penance...he has a twinkle in his eye...."when you hear the Gospel today, and you hear Jesus ask if you can drink from the cup, you say, 'Yes, I can.  And I will.'  But you will have to wait to find out what is in the cup."

The Cup that we must drink...the same one that Jesus drank....self-emptying love.  And what does that mean?  When we forgive and empty ourselves of anger and hurt;  when we say 'no' to temptation or sin; when we come together to offer fitting worship - not just going through the motions, and empty ourselves of distractions; when we do an act of kindness for another, especially when they don't deserve it.  All drinking from the cup.  The questions is....are we thirsty?

So a two-sacrament day.  Jesus reaching out and touching me.  How awesome is that?

blessed fall break

First of all...I think the lack of laptop is causing the fall off in my blogging.  I've had stuff all week to post, but the best vehicle is my laptop.  If I hook it up to the monitor in the computer room when no one is occupying the desktop computer, I am almost c.o.n.s.t.a.n.t.l.y interrupted by my loving family.

For the first time ever, my school system had an entire week off for Fall Break!!  And to say that we surely needed it after the circus that the first nine weeks has been, is an understatement.

My family and I took advantage of the pleasant fall weather and rented a cabin at a State Park not far from our home. 

  This was the view from our cabin, which featured a screen porch overlooking the water.

We rented a canoe one day, and one of my children humored me and we paddled around on the Inner Canoe Trail.

We saw small alligators, bunches of turtles and random birds.

In  the evening, the grill masters bar-b-q'd.

A crane flew over to check it out...

We finished off the evening with s'mores and child #2 rearranging the furniture to have a good view of the television for the Presidential debate.

Dear hubby, bless his heart, had never made s'mores before, but had seen a recipe on TV.  He had bought semi-sweet chocolate earlier in the day, which he melted in a pan and spread on the marshmallow-graham cracker combos.

It was tres bien!

We spent two nights in the swamp and then made our way home where we had time to catch up on things that seem to get left in the dust during school...Eagle Project, blogging, haircuts, attending school board meetings,  Boy Scout things.  It has been a lovely week.  Trust me when I say that the time has flown!

Happy Fall Break!

lettered

Just documenting some family history....

The much awaited letter jacket, arrived a few weeks ago, and my dear child has been anxiously awaiting a chance to wear it.  Some mornings we are in the 50's, but still hitting the 80's most days.

Growing up way too fast. 

undoer of knots

A while back, a friend told me about a Mass that she had attended where there had been reference to "Mary, Undoer of Knots" in the homily.  We both quite aware of many of the titles that our Blessed Mother claims....Our Lady of Guadalupe/Kibeho/Fatima/Lourdes, Mary Queen of the Universe, Mother of Perputal Help, Mary Mother of God, and many, many more.  But Mary, Untier (or Undoer) of Knots was a new one for both of us.

About a month or so ago, I got an email from a friend, who asked for prayers for her stomach issues.  Knots.  My mind went back to this particular Marian title, and I did a quick google search for it, so I could send her more info.  I came across this wonderful website.  And there was this image of Our Lady, undoing the knots in our lives which hold us bound. 

As I read the description, I was pretty sure that this novena fit my life every bit as much as it did hers - maybe more. 

But what are these knots?


There are the problems and struggles we face for which we do not see any solution … knots of discord in your family, lack of understanding between parents and children, disrespect, violence, the knots of deep hurts between husband and wife, the absence of peace and joy at home. There are also the knots of anguish and despair of separated couples, the dissolution of the family, the knots of a drug addict son or daughter, sick or separated from home or God, knots of alcoholism, the practice of abortion, depression, unemployment, fear, solitude…Ah, the knots of our life! How they suffocate the soul, beat us down and betray the heart’s joy and separate us from God. (from theholyrosary.org) 

Not one for novenas, and not a totally committed Rosary pray-er, I felt drawn to this one.  And besides, October is the month of the Rosary, I reasoned.


Each evening for 9 days, I made time to say and mediate on the mysteries of the Rosary and added in the designated Novena prayers at the end of the 3rd and 5th mysteries.  I don't know if you are supposed to have a different knot for our Blessed Mother each night, but mine was pretty much the same one every night.  I couldn't tell much difference from day to day.  On the ninth day, the prayer was one of Thanksgiving, thanking the Blessed Mother for untying whatever knot, and I couldn't help but think, "but I don't think anything has happened yet....I'm not even finished with this rosary."

Oh, me of little faith.  It HAS been better.  Can't explain it.  Can't say how long it might last.  But, as has often happened, grace entered my life when I least expected it, and at least for a little while...that knot is no longer holding me bound.

Your mileage may vary.

Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us.

(PS - I know how long it has been since I blogged.  Insert random excuse - broken laptop, busy crazy life, lack of subject matter.  Take your pick!)

checking in

Few and far between are the posts these days.  Partly because the personal nature of things going on.  Partly because I am just plain exhausted at the end of a day in the frog cooker.  Partly because my laptop isn't working.  I know... just get the laptop fixed already!  Except everyone tells me that a 3 year old laptop is not worth repairing.  Sigh.

The frog cooker....  Have you ever heard about cooking frogs?  If you put them in a pot of hot water, they will hop right out.  But if you put them in a pot of room temperature water, and slowly turn the temperature up, they will just stay right there, and eventually, you will have boiled frogs.  That is kind of like my work place.  I have been in the pot a long time, and I think I'm almost cooked!  Other people dip their toe in the pot of our "at risk school" for a couple of days or a few weeks, and they hop right out and go on with their lives.

My room is located among the fifth grade classrooms.  The room across the hall had a teacher for a few weeks.  Then she moved to another position that was vacated by a teacher moving to another grade which was vacated by one of those folks that hopped out of the pot.  So the room across the hall has had a succession of substitutes for the past several weeks...no one caring to stay too long.  As far as I can see, about the only hope of restoring sanity and order at this point would be a retired drill sergeant.  But then we can't raise our voices or keep them in during PE or make them write their spelling words a zillion times. I think we can still give them "the look", but that is about it.  I think they could probably tape a new reality series at our school - Fifth Grade Gone Wild!

We are continuing on our Retrouvaille journey with a few bumps in the road.  My dear husband is convinced that we must do all things in common as a couple or that we will be living a "married singles" lifestyle.  I think he has misunderstood some of the points, but he is insistent.  For me, as a person who has different interests and needs than he does (among them quiet and privacy), my prayer is "Lord, take me now!"  I can see cultivating some interests together.  That is something we definitely need to do a better job of, but I can not possibly imagine giving up everything that I like and he doesn't.  A life of sitting in front of the television.  No, thanks. So some good things, but also some thorns at this point in the journey.  I have a feeling I will be revisiting the "wives be submissive to your husbands" teaching with my priest sometime in the near future.  May God grant him huge helpings of patience!

A few pictures of life....

I think this was on one of our "Hurrication" days.  Hurricane Isaac came this way and took f.o.r.e.v.e.r to get out of town.  My 2 favorite sons looking at one of their scrapbooks.  I don't often see them this close, (and it is even more rare to get photographic evidence)  but I am thankful that they like being brothers.  Usually.

Our new house came with more of everything.  Except the oven.  Is this not the most pitiful LITTLE excuse for an oven you have ever seen?  Dear husband came home with a BOX of bananas one day last week. Found the best, easy recipe for banana bread.  I think this was batch 1 or 2 of 9!

My youngest is running cross country.  Today was his first meet.  Three miles.  22:43 minutes.  This was the sprint for the finish line.    

Thyroid Nodules...I found out that I have "several" on Friday.  I'm not freaking out at this point.  I googled them, to find out that they are common and almost always benign. But I guess I should probably follow up with my doctor.

And that's about all I know for right now!  Say a prayer for us...next week we take on "Conflict Management" in Retrouvaille.  Should be very interesting!

rediscovery

If you've paid any attention at all over the last months, you have seen that my marriage has had its share of challenges.  Do I think we're headed for divorce court?  No, we're too stubborn for all of that.  Do we argue and scream all the time?  No, that's too much drama.  Could things be a lot better?  Yeah.

We have been to a few counseling sessions.  Since June, I think we've managed three.  With dear hub's job, one never knows when he will be home.  So we make an appointment, only to cancel it because he is gone, or he hasn't gone anywhere, but might, and we can't afford to turn down any jobs, because things are slow.  In the interest of full disclosure, I've cancelled a few, too.   A few months ago, I saw a blurb in the church bulletin for a program called Retrouvaille.  It wasn't totally foreign to me.  My parents had separated many years back, and they had attended this 20 or so years ago.  It seemed to have helped.  They advertise the program as "a lifeline for marriages".

It is a weekend program, followed by six 4-hour follow-up sessions (or twelve 2-hour sessions, I guess).  Hubby agreed to the weekend!, but not the follow-ups. They let us sign up anyway.

This past weekend, was our weekend.  It was held at a retreat center about 45 minutes from home.  We had to be there Friday night around 7:30.  It was rainy and overcast, but as we turned off the main road to the road that would take us to the location, there was a rainbow in the sky!  I took that as a good sign.  Our accommodations were not five-star, but comfortable.  No TV in the room.

They kicked things off that evening at 8:00 pm.  As I looked around, there were about 20 other couples.  I was struck by how young many were.  One wife was pregnant.  At least one couple was separated.  Another wife, who I chatted with during breaks said she'd filed a restraining order last week.  I'm sure there were all kinds of issues.

The weekend was full, but the time seemed to fly.  We explored feelings and we dialogued with our spouse.  There was no group sharing.  There would be a presentation led by a priest and three couples who had been down the same road we were now traveling, and then a question to write about and share with our spouse.  Saturday started with Mass, and things continued until 10:00 p.m. or later.  Sunday, was also a full day - ending with Mass around 5 pm.  Even though, it is Catholic in origin, and there is a priest on the team, people of all faiths (or none at all) are welcome.

It was a weekend of discovery for me.  I discovered things about myself and how I have affected the relationship.  What a bummer to find out that it's not all the other person's fault!  ;-)  I also cannot fail to mention how much I appreciate my husband's willingness to come and attempt the program.  We have not spent that much time together without distractions in about 100 years.

And the rediscovery - what "retrouvaille" actually means - is a process, I think, for each couple.  As we left, the presenters told us that couples leave on one of two roads:  the Road to Damascus or the Road to Emmaus. Those on the Road to Damascus are hit by a sudden realization of what they need to do (like Paul - when he was knocked to the ground...) and just need to get to it.  Those on the Road to Emmaus are like the two disciples that walked along the road after the crucifixion, disappointed and dejected that all that they had hoped for did not seem to be working out.  However, Jesus was walking along with them.

We are on the Road to Emmaus, I think.  There were a lot of ups and downs.  We have - so far - been faithful to our "homework" and are both interested in making it better.  I am pretty sure that dear hubby will come with me to the follow-up this Saturday unless he is working.  I contacted one of the couples after the weekend with a couple of questions, and they were encouraging, but mentioned that it is often 1 step forward and a couple back for a while.  So, if you're a praying person, please keep us (and the other couples) in your prayers.  And if you think your marriage could use a lifeline...consider Retrouvaille.

back to school

It has been a while.  With my laptop down, I miss the ease of popping in my SD card and easily inserting pictures.  There is also something about sitting with a laptop on your lap and composing. Things seem to flow better.  My parents also haven't gotten much in the way of emails since my laptop broke.

Summer has ended.  School has started.  I have two weeks down....my kids have 6 days in.

A few pictures from the time period.

My oldest flew to Florida with his grandmother to see his big brother (and big brother's kids) before he deployed.  He enjoyed some big brother bonding time.

While we were in New Orleans dropping them at the airport, SIL and I made a quick run by the church where Blessed Francis Xavier Seelos ministered to German immigrants in the 1800's.  It is a b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l church inside.  However, it is not air-conditioned while not in use, so we did not stay long.

A new statue in the courtyard at the Blessed Seelos shrine.  Do you sometimes feel like this when you pray?

When we got home from the airport, I discovered this in my son's room.

A gift from younger brother and a friend.  3 rolls, they said.  You know what they say about pay back....

Saw a rainbow one day.  I think we were on the way home from church.

And not just a little piddly half rainbow...the whole thing.  Unfortunately, it did not end over my house.

But it still is a promise that God has things under control.  Right?

Things that I do not have pictures of....

I have given a deposition.  I have appeared in and testified in court in an insurance case involving one of my students.  (took 3 different trips to court and about 3 hours altogether of waiting, which was aggravating).  Scratch that off the bucket list.  Oh wait...it wasn't on it!

I have started school.  So have the kids.  No pictures were desired by them.  I have a sophomore and a junior this year.  I am teaching the son of one of the students I taught in about 1990.  I guess that means I am officially old.  There are lots of changes for us as teachers this year. New stuff from the state and new stuff from the district. It is a little overwhelming and discouraging. I think I am at the age where it is getting more and more difficult to learn and remember new things.  I used to laugh at my older colleagues.  Now I laugh with them.

I have gone back to working out, after putting my membership on hold for the summer.  It wasn't as bad as I expected.

I have been exhausted at the end of the days.  Anything that requires more thought than posting a facebook status hasn't really happened.

Going next weekend on a couples retreat with my husband.  Please pray that it bears good fruit.

I think that's all I've got for now!