arghhhhh

I am having technical difficulties.  I prefer to sit in a quiet room with my laptop when I blog.  But for the past two evenings, e.v.e.r.y t.i.m.e I have tried to sign in to blogger, I get a message saying something about the security certificate.  Having the same problem with my web-email.  It doesn't matter whether I use my school board laptop or my personal laptop or whether I use Explorer or Firefox.  But for some reason, it's OK on my desktop??  Maybe that's why my desktop is slower than molasses? 

It's really cramping my style.  Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow? 

For what it's worth, I got the same warning/error when I tried to post comments on other people's blogs. 

It stresses me when technology gets too smart for itself!

whoever has ears

My blog friend, Mary, commented that God has been having some incredible conversations with me lately, and I have to agree with her. I think that these conversations are happening somewhat because I have time to listen and process.  The pace of life is slower right now, and I have time to actually have a complete thought, to reflect, to recognize God's fingerprints and hear His whisperings.  In a way, it's like having the radio tuned in to the right frequency.

Twice in the past week, the Gospel reading has ended with, "Whoever has ears ought to hear."  I thought maybe that should apply to our elected representatives in Washington , but then again, maybe we won't go there right now....  More than hearing, it's about listening.

A week from today, I return to the dungeon.  I am going kicking and screaming.  Mentally, anyway.

The readings from today spoke to me, and it wasn't necessarily a whisper.  ..."Thus the LORD answered me:  If you repent, so that I restore you, in my presence you shall stand..."  OK - confession is on the agenda for this weekend...the list is ready to go....that pesky lack of trust is on there..."Though they fight against you, they shall not prevail, For I am with you, to deliver and rescue you, says the LORD...."   So we will get through it. God doesn't lie.

I thought it was interesting that the readings the past few weeks have been from Jeremiah.  When I was visiting my friend at the monastery last week (was it just last week??), I sat down in the chair with the Bible, and it opened to a card with Bible verses in MY handwriting.  Last year, when I was there, I had been working on homework for a Bible Study, and I had copied a few verses that I liked.  Guess where they were from??  Jeremiah.

A little while ago, I opened one of those emails that gets forwarded to everyone on some people's email list.  You know the ones - forward this if you're not ashamed of Jesus, yada, yada - (I never do.)  This was a powerpoint,  (nicely done), but on one slide, I just had to stop and stare for a minute.  It said, "The Lord said, 'I will bless the person who puts his trust in me.'"  Bet you can't guess where that is found in the Bible?  Give up?  Yep, Jeremiah.  (17:7)

Edited to add:  After I posted this last night, I popped over to Mary's blog to read, and I noticed that among the blogs she follows - right above mine - was one named...... are you ready for this..... Jeremiah 29:11.  

I think Jeremiah and I need to get reacquainted.  He just might have something to say.  Maybe.

God's promise

For more than one reason, the end of school last year was brutal.  There was a lot of prayer, a little fasting,  and a ton of grace involved in making it to the end.  I made it, but I had a lot more gray hair when the year was over.  This summer has been good; a time of renewal.  I have prayed that things will be different, and I know that God can do wondrous things.  But on the other hand, I am very much afraid of what He has waiting for me or what will be expected of me in the upcoming year.  As bad as last year was, I can tell you in specific ways how this year might be worse.

I went to Mass this morning and stayed after for some quiet time.  I talked to God about this.  Intellectually, I know "be not afraid."  I struggle to admit that the fear comes from a lack of trust that God knows what is best for me, and that whatever happens, He will be there.  The "whatever" is where the problem is, I think.  I don't mind carrying a cross, but I really would like MY way to be nice and smooth (so that it doesn't hurt to walk in bare feet) and I would prefer if the cross wasn't too heavy.

On the way home this morning, I snapped this picture.  Yep, another interstate snapshot.  I just set the camera on the steering wheel to steady it, point it in the general direction and hope for the best.  Sometimes you get lucky.  (If I had my other computer, I would crop out the power lines and make it a little prettier,  but you get the general idea here.)  

Do you think God is telling me that it will be alright - "whatever" it is?  He will be there with me.  Just a gentle reminder for one who finds it hard to trust the One who is all-good and all-loving.

I saw a rainbow last Tuesday, too.  I was on my way home from the monastery, and very uneasy about my first flight before I even got to the airport.  Sure enough, it was bumpy for about the first hour or so.  I could see those big engines bouncing around on those 2-inch thick wings.   On my second flight, though, I looked at the window back over the wing, and saw a rainbow.  I knew it would be OK.  

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.

arachnophobia

Nothing deep or overly meaningful.  Maybe you'll find something along those lines in other posts.  Just a picture of a spider and his reflection in the window this morning.  I'm sure there's an official name for them.  We just call them "banana spiders".  Harmless as far as I know; big and relatively plentiful at this time of year.

Look at how delicate and detailed they are.  How finely crafted.  If God took that kind of time with a spider, what more has He done for us?

Linking to Jenny's "Just a Minute" and Sixty Seconds on Tuesday.  They have cool pictures there.

why i get up early

Yeah, I get up early so I can drive down the interstate and take pictures of the sunrise.  Not really, but it is an added bonus - lagniappe.

I can't see the sunrise from my house, or much of anywhere else, for that matter.  Too many trees.  But on my way to Mass this summer, I have been treated to some that are simply breath-taking.  And I've started carrying my camera with me in the mornings in hopes of getting a shot.   Today traffic was light, so I was able to go at a safer speed and the view was beautiful.

Mostly, though, I get up early to go to Mass.  I started a few years ago during Lent.  (Four??  Five??)  And I was hooked before Lent was over.  I had always been a night owl - staying up to the wee hours of the morning when it was cool and quiet.  But just like that - I was sliding out of bed at 5 a.m. - and excited to be doing so.  There is something about slipping out of the house when everyone is still sleeping.  A lot of the time, it's still dark at that hour.  I've been to Mass in snow (once) and pouring rain and I've heard the wind of an approaching tropical system howling through the rafters.

Always, always I am glad that I went.  I know that when I go, at least one thing has gone right in my day. I can sit in the still silence and collect my thoughts, catch my breath, pray.  I am nourished by His Word.  Sometimes the readings or the homily is exactly what I need to hear.  I receive Christ - Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity - in the Eucharist, and there is strength and grace there that I will probably not ever fully appreciate this side of heaven.    And, if the cares of the world are weighing me down, confession is available fifteen minutes before Mass. There are miracles that happen every day while much of the rest of the world is still sleeping.  And that's why I get up early!

on the road again

I'm home, but my boys have taken off again.  They loaded buses on Friday night headed for the National Scout Jamboree.

Here's a picture of my 2 guys before we left home on Friday.  They look handsome in their uniforms!  (I'm not biased or anything!)  I'm glad that they will be able to share the experience, but the house is a lot quieter without them!

And how about a picture of them with their "brothers from other mothers"?  My other sons...their tent-mates for the next two weeks.  Just for the record, my younger one is not *that* much younger than the others, he's just under-tall.  Happens when you have 2 parents who are 5'4".  He and the "tall one" --> are 20 months apart, and *my* other 2 boys fall between them in age. 

Yesterday they did some whitewater rafting in Tennessee.  They had pizza for lunch.  Apparently when arrangements were made, one of the owners of the rafting company told the scoutmaster that "someone" would pick up the pizzas and bring them to the group.  Apparently this didn't sit well with the owner's mother (the co-owner?)  But she ended up giving the scoutmaster the keys to HER car to pick up the pizzas.  And while they were there, the owner of the pizza place was a Boy Scout supporter, so he threw in five extra pizzas!  Three cheers for CiCi's Pizza (near Cleveland, TN).

In the evening, "Father Pete" came to the campground where they were staying to say Mass.  He is also an Eagle Scout.

Bar-b-q hamburgers were on the menu for supper, and by all reports, the boys were behaving and life was good!

i said yes

A few days after the confession in this post, I got an email from my pastor.  The email was in reply to one I had sent him a couple of weeks earlier about finishing up the painting in the parking lot.  He answered my question, and then thanked me for my patience, as it had taken him quite a while to reply.  He had a few kind words, and then closed by saying that he and Jesus would "love" to have me as a Eucharistic Minister, and asked what I thought about the idea.

My first thought was, "Anything but THAT!"  I was a Eucharistic Minister for a brief time when I was in college, and as terrible as it sounds, it wasn't something I really enjoyed.  I had issues with the technical aspect of giving Communion on the tongue.  Placing the Blessed Sacrament in someone's hands is not too difficult.  On someone's tongue apparently required a bit more eye-hand coordination than I had at the time.

Over the years, I've had a few people suggest that I serve in this ministry, and I've always told them, "no thanks".  Perhaps as a lector, if there was need, but not as a Eucharistic minister.  I am quite happy just sitting in the comfort zone of the pew. But now I've got Jesus AND my pastor asking.  How do you say "no" to Jesus?

The doubts immediately start to flood in.  I don't have the "right" clothes.  I don't like being in front of people.  I don't know what I'm doing.  All about me and my issues, you notice.  But this is not about me, at all.

So I told my pastor that I was going to spend a few days the following week at the monastery and that I would give him a definite answer when I got back.

I will confess that I didn't spend tons of time praying or thinking about that particular issue while I was there.   But there were things that seemed to open the way to serving and a lot of things that seemed to point to the idea of developing a deeper relationship with Jesus in the Eucharist..  The idea of doing what Jesus asks, of putting Him first, of bringing Him to others.  There was another thought about setting an example....how can I expect my kids to serve as altar servers, if I am not willing to serve? 

After I got back, I told my pastor that I was WAY out of my comfort zone with such a thing, but I said "yes".   He was OK with that, and said not to worry. 

So, be not afraid?  But do say a prayer as I take another step out of that comfort zone.